[X&Y Emily] Lots Of First Dates But No Second Dates...Why? (At Least 5 Potential Reasons)
Published: Sat, 12/21/24
Updated: Tue, 12/24/24
=====
IN THIS EDITION: OK, here's a GREAT question that I'm sure crosses
every woman's mind at once in a while. And I've got a surprising
answer to go with it...
=====
LOTS OF FIRST DATES, BUT NO SECOND DATES...WHY?
Hello Emily:
If you are really there and my email will be answered, please consider
this.
I am a very attractive woman in my late 40's. I have been doing online
dating for 2 months now and get lots of first meetings. Not very many
2nd dates (probably 2 out of the 30 men I have met) and not a
relationship.
When I first went online dating this past April, the 3rd man I met,
we were together 5 months. Now, not so good. I don't know why.
I meet all kinds of men from age 40-55. The ones I really like don't
call me. The ones I don't, they call me.
I need help. This is exhausting.
I have 4 meetings with new men scheduled next week. I do not sleep
with them, I don't act needy, I am very happy and have fun on these
meetings, I flirt a bit, they all are attracted until I have to say
goodnight.
Thanks,
Trina (Edina, MN)
=====
Hello Trina:
First and foremost...YES. I certainly am really here, and I'm more
than happy to answer your terrific e-mail.
Wow...I really can relate to your frustration. Believe me, you are
not the first woman who has ever wondered why second dates aren't
happening. And I'm sure you won't be the last.
You haven't given me a lot of detail, but that's okay. That will
allow me to share several different possibilities with you in a bit
that may or may not be affecting YOU personally, but which others
may be able to relate to.
But let's start off with the areas you DID give me some insight into.
First, you mentioned that you had met a great guy on your third date
after getting online. Some may consider that "beginner's luck",
but there may be more to it than that.
Oftentimes, when women first start with online dating there's a rush
of attention from guys for at least several days after posting their
profile.
That can be exciting! Even getting a few e-mails from potentially
interested guys can build self-esteem and one's anticipation of good
things ahead.
That translates into a radiant confidence on actual first dates that
is tangible to guys.
Of course, such is very appealing. And that obviously means a
greater likelihood of being asked out again.
As time goes on, however, we all tend to have fewer e-mails hitting
our inboxes. Any drop in numbers there can be a let down, regardless
of what you've been used to seeing.
And...after a few less-than-perfect dates, or a promising relationship
that didn't turn out as planned, our excitement level towards meeting
new guys can take a hit.
All of this, of course, knocks us off our "game" a bit, doesn't it?
As a result, we may not get as many second dates.
So keeping our energy level high and our attitude positive really can
compel a man to want to see you again.
Another thing you mentioned was potentially VERY significant.
You said that the guys you DON'T like tend to remain interested,
whereas the the guys you DO like do not.
Here is an area where both men and women often have a "sticking point".
It's easy for us to think that having someone we like actually LIKE
US BACK would be "too good to be true".
Our mind plays tricks on us, telling us we don't deserve a great man
and/or don't deserve to be happy.
And believe me, this mindset will SABOTAGE what might have been a
very positive thing EVERY TIME.
Remember, someone we are attracted to is still a HUMAN BEING. He
has every right to get to know the REAL, easy-going, socially
present YOU as some guy you aren't interested in.
It's kind of humorous to read that last thought, isn't it? But when
you think about it, that's kind of what goes on.
If we "clam up" out of a fear of "messing up" and/or protect ourselves
from potential disappointment before there's even evidence it's
coming...well, that can only HURT rather than help.
It's almost like we disqualify ourselves before he even registers
his opinion on the matter!
Crazy, but true.
Scot actually wrote to his guys not too long ago about this very
subject. Did you know that guys sometimes feel REJECTED when a woman
who actually LIKES them sabotages things because she feels he's "too
good to be true"?
What are we DOING to ourselves???
Notwithstanding what I've already shared, here are a few more quick
ideas that are major "second date killers".
They are all VERY common. Give these some thought to see if they
ring a bell, although I don't necessarily see any evidence that these
apply based on your letter.
1) Pushing To "Lock Him Down" Very Quickly
Have you ever had a guy try to have sex with you on the first date?
(Well, duh...who hasn't, right?) Did you feel kind of pushed or
even creeped out?
Well, that's EXACTLY how guys feel when we start talking about
exclusivity or even marriage (!) on first dates.
2) Changing Your Look To Be Different From Your Pictures
You mentioned you are a very attractive woman. Even so, remember
that different guys are attracted to different "types" of women.
So if you are a blonde in a sundress in your profile pictures, but
have since gone brunette and show up for the first date in a business
suit, you might not exactly resolve his expectations.
Sure, you're looking great either way...but if you're not who he
was expecting to meet, that might derail things. Everyone--man or
woman--has a right to his or her own tastes and preferences.
Above and beyond that, appearing as expected generally inspires
confidence in your date. It's as simple as that.
So definitely make sure your pics accurately depict who you are TODAY.
By the way, having them be RECENT should be a given.
3) Unintentional Sexual Innuendo In Your Profile
Actually, look closely to see if this one may indeed apply to you,
Trina since you mentioned that guys seem attracted until you say
"goodnight".
Quite often women include subtle phrases in their profile narratives
that indicate to men that they'll be open to sexual activity early
and often in a relationship.
Usually, gals are SHOCKED to find out that what they have written is
being interpreted as such. So it's important to scan your profile
for this sort of thing.
Examples include, "I'll try anything once", "I'm ready for a little
fun", and "I'm with my small children all day, so I'm ready for
some 'adult' time".
If you've got anything in your profile that can even remotely be
taken as a sexual invitation--and that's not your style--be sure
to get rid of it.
Please rest assured that not EVERY guy out there is so shallow as to
only want to use you for sex on the first date.
But if you are inviting the guys who ARE by sending unintentionally
sexual messages in your profile, that will be EXACTLY who you'll
have writing to you.
And of course, when you're not that kind of girl, they'll turn
elsewhere.
I'm almost certain that one or more of the tips I've shared with you
will turn things around for you. Please keep me posted!
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
P.S. Are you ready for a complete OVERHAUL of your dating life?
What if I told you that becoming FABULOUS and finding the man of
your dreams ONLINE OR OFFLINE is within your reach...maybe even in
time for Valentine's Day?
Well, right now I've got a surprise for you.
You can get my Click With Him program and have absolutely everything
you need to do EXACTLY THAT.
Best of all, I'll give you 50% OFF for taking that step TODAY.
That's about the price of a month's worth of Match.com, only now
you'll see the wonderful results of online dating you've been
dreaming of.
First of all, if you haven't already, find out about Click With Him
right here:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/50off
And when you decide that you're FINALLY READY to stop sitting home
on Friday and Saturday nights and start MEETING GREAT GUYS, simply
visit this page:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/50off
I've already embedded the 50% off coupon for you in there, and
you'll see the discount already reflected on the order page. It
couldn't be easier.
TODAY is the day when you can say you really, truly DID SOMETHING to
turn your dating life around.
I can't wait to hear your success stories. And keep sending your
great questions.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2024. All Rights Reserved.
1-on-1 Coaching With Scot And Emily
How Emily Met The Man Of Her Dreams, And YOU Can Too
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please use the
link below to quickly and securely remove yourself from our
mailing list.
If you are really there and my email will be answered, please consider
this.
I am a very attractive woman in my late 40's. I have been doing online
dating for 2 months now and get lots of first meetings. Not very many
2nd dates (probably 2 out of the 30 men I have met) and not a
relationship.
When I first went online dating this past April, the 3rd man I met,
we were together 5 months. Now, not so good. I don't know why.
I meet all kinds of men from age 40-55. The ones I really like don't
call me. The ones I don't, they call me.
I need help. This is exhausting.
I have 4 meetings with new men scheduled next week. I do not sleep
with them, I don't act needy, I am very happy and have fun on these
meetings, I flirt a bit, they all are attracted until I have to say
goodnight.
Thanks,
Trina (Edina, MN)
=====
Hello Trina:
First and foremost...YES. I certainly am really here, and I'm more
than happy to answer your terrific e-mail.
Wow...I really can relate to your frustration. Believe me, you are
not the first woman who has ever wondered why second dates aren't
happening. And I'm sure you won't be the last.
You haven't given me a lot of detail, but that's okay. That will
allow me to share several different possibilities with you in a bit
that may or may not be affecting YOU personally, but which others
may be able to relate to.
But let's start off with the areas you DID give me some insight into.
First, you mentioned that you had met a great guy on your third date
after getting online. Some may consider that "beginner's luck",
but there may be more to it than that.
Oftentimes, when women first start with online dating there's a rush
of attention from guys for at least several days after posting their
profile.
That can be exciting! Even getting a few e-mails from potentially
interested guys can build self-esteem and one's anticipation of good
things ahead.
That translates into a radiant confidence on actual first dates that
is tangible to guys.
Of course, such is very appealing. And that obviously means a
greater likelihood of being asked out again.
As time goes on, however, we all tend to have fewer e-mails hitting
our inboxes. Any drop in numbers there can be a let down, regardless
of what you've been used to seeing.
And...after a few less-than-perfect dates, or a promising relationship
that didn't turn out as planned, our excitement level towards meeting
new guys can take a hit.
All of this, of course, knocks us off our "game" a bit, doesn't it?
As a result, we may not get as many second dates.
So keeping our energy level high and our attitude positive really can
compel a man to want to see you again.
Another thing you mentioned was potentially VERY significant.
You said that the guys you DON'T like tend to remain interested,
whereas the the guys you DO like do not.
Here is an area where both men and women often have a "sticking point".
It's easy for us to think that having someone we like actually LIKE
US BACK would be "too good to be true".
Our mind plays tricks on us, telling us we don't deserve a great man
and/or don't deserve to be happy.
And believe me, this mindset will SABOTAGE what might have been a
very positive thing EVERY TIME.
Remember, someone we are attracted to is still a HUMAN BEING. He
has every right to get to know the REAL, easy-going, socially
present YOU as some guy you aren't interested in.
It's kind of humorous to read that last thought, isn't it? But when
you think about it, that's kind of what goes on.
If we "clam up" out of a fear of "messing up" and/or protect ourselves
from potential disappointment before there's even evidence it's
coming...well, that can only HURT rather than help.
It's almost like we disqualify ourselves before he even registers
his opinion on the matter!
Crazy, but true.
Scot actually wrote to his guys not too long ago about this very
subject. Did you know that guys sometimes feel REJECTED when a woman
who actually LIKES them sabotages things because she feels he's "too
good to be true"?
What are we DOING to ourselves???
Notwithstanding what I've already shared, here are a few more quick
ideas that are major "second date killers".
They are all VERY common. Give these some thought to see if they
ring a bell, although I don't necessarily see any evidence that these
apply based on your letter.
1) Pushing To "Lock Him Down" Very Quickly
Have you ever had a guy try to have sex with you on the first date?
(Well, duh...who hasn't, right?) Did you feel kind of pushed or
even creeped out?
Well, that's EXACTLY how guys feel when we start talking about
exclusivity or even marriage (!) on first dates.
2) Changing Your Look To Be Different From Your Pictures
You mentioned you are a very attractive woman. Even so, remember
that different guys are attracted to different "types" of women.
So if you are a blonde in a sundress in your profile pictures, but
have since gone brunette and show up for the first date in a business
suit, you might not exactly resolve his expectations.
Sure, you're looking great either way...but if you're not who he
was expecting to meet, that might derail things. Everyone--man or
woman--has a right to his or her own tastes and preferences.
Above and beyond that, appearing as expected generally inspires
confidence in your date. It's as simple as that.
So definitely make sure your pics accurately depict who you are TODAY.
By the way, having them be RECENT should be a given.
3) Unintentional Sexual Innuendo In Your Profile
Actually, look closely to see if this one may indeed apply to you,
Trina since you mentioned that guys seem attracted until you say
"goodnight".
Quite often women include subtle phrases in their profile narratives
that indicate to men that they'll be open to sexual activity early
and often in a relationship.
Usually, gals are SHOCKED to find out that what they have written is
being interpreted as such. So it's important to scan your profile
for this sort of thing.
Examples include, "I'll try anything once", "I'm ready for a little
fun", and "I'm with my small children all day, so I'm ready for
some 'adult' time".
If you've got anything in your profile that can even remotely be
taken as a sexual invitation--and that's not your style--be sure
to get rid of it.
Please rest assured that not EVERY guy out there is so shallow as to
only want to use you for sex on the first date.
But if you are inviting the guys who ARE by sending unintentionally
sexual messages in your profile, that will be EXACTLY who you'll
have writing to you.
And of course, when you're not that kind of girl, they'll turn
elsewhere.
I'm almost certain that one or more of the tips I've shared with you
will turn things around for you. Please keep me posted!
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
P.S. Are you ready for a complete OVERHAUL of your dating life?
What if I told you that becoming FABULOUS and finding the man of
your dreams ONLINE OR OFFLINE is within your reach...maybe even in
time for Valentine's Day?
Well, right now I've got a surprise for you.
You can get my Click With Him program and have absolutely everything
you need to do EXACTLY THAT.
Best of all, I'll give you 50% OFF for taking that step TODAY.
That's about the price of a month's worth of Match.com, only now
you'll see the wonderful results of online dating you've been
dreaming of.
First of all, if you haven't already, find out about Click With Him
right here:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/50off
And when you decide that you're FINALLY READY to stop sitting home
on Friday and Saturday nights and start MEETING GREAT GUYS, simply
visit this page:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/50off
I've already embedded the 50% off coupon for you in there, and
you'll see the discount already reflected on the order page. It
couldn't be easier.
TODAY is the day when you can say you really, truly DID SOMETHING to
turn your dating life around.
I can't wait to hear your success stories. And keep sending your
great questions.
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2024. All Rights Reserved.
1-on-1 Coaching With Scot And Emily
How Emily Met The Man Of Her Dreams, And YOU Can Too
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please use the
link below to quickly and securely remove yourself from our
mailing list.
Keys To Bliss
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