[X&Y Emily] "It's Not Your Fault"
Published: Wed, 10/23/24
Updated: Sat, 10/26/24

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IN THIS EDITION: There's a lot of dating advice that proudly
proclaims that if you're experiencing anything less than a
blissful relationship with a man "it's not your fault".
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Every Secret To A Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship:
https://www.scotandemily.com
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WHOSE FAULT IS IT, ANYWAY?
--by Scot McKay
Have you ever seen an ad for something like diet pills, exercise
equipment or--gasp--dating advice that assured you that whatever
challenge you were facing was "not your fault"?
Of course you have. We all have.
Oddly, that's because telling people that their problems are
someone else's fault is like marketing magic.
For some reason, people LOVE to hear that.
That fascinates me to no end because it's WEIRD. Were I a
complete "newbie" at all of this, my first inclination would be to
think we'd all prefer to hear the exact opposite.
I mean, if we can acknowledge what we're not doing something right
we can get down to the business of FIXING it, right?
Shouldn't that be what gets us excited? Shouldn't that be what
gives us confidence to bring about the change we want?
Meanwhile, on the other hand, what good does blaming someone else
for our problems do?
"Blamer" is synonymous with "victim".
As you probably already know, being a "victim" implies that
something is being done unto you by someone else...beyond
your control.
In other words, you're a passive bystander. You're POWERLESS.
Think about all of this for a second, perhaps in a way you never
have before.
It's a HORRIBLE feeling to think a breakup or lack of success with
men in general is all someone else's fault...as if you had NOTHING
to do with it.
And for what it's worth, how is ANY advertised solution supposed to
bring you ANY relief whatsoever if the implication is that you
can't do anything about the problem anyway?
A mindset like that could keep someone dateless for DECADES while
they wallow in it. And I say "someone" because what I'm talking
about here is NOT gender-specific.
But unfortunately, it's human nature to default to passing the
blame. That's why hearing that "it's not your fault" sounds so
good, as least on the surface.
But I've never met a "blamer" who was particularly successful at
anything. Simply put, nobody else wants to take responsibility for
someone else's shortcomings any more than they do their own.
So then, what help is somebody else going to be in improving your
situation?
You just can't depend on that. The truth is that NOBODY ELSE is
ever going to care about improving YOUR life more than YOU will.
When you accept responsibility, then and only then can you feel
empowered to do something positive to correct the situation.
Now, even though what I've talked about so far has value in just
about ANY aspect of life, there is an even deeper dimension to how
it all relates to attracting MOTOS (members of the other sex)
and relating to them.
Playing the "blame" game in the world of dating and relationships
is what almost invariably leads to the fatal mistake of believing
that "the opposite sex is the problem" (aka "all of them are the
same").
Suffice it to say that being a "victim" is NOT attractive to men.
Never mind that they, like everyone else, don't want responsibility
for your troubles--even with THEM.
The fact is that passing off all your blame onto men might actually
BE your trouble with them.
Wow, right? Talk about "giving your personal power away" in the
purest form...
Instead, consider how taking responsibility for your own success
gives YOU back your personal power, even as you come off as a
more confident, attractive woman.
Whereas a "blamer" is by definition a passive, a "big four"
man obviously knows what she wants and how to get it.
Think about it. Isn't it true that you fine a MAN who accepts
responsibility rather than being a "blamer" more attractive also?
That's because a man who accepts responsibility is usually the
SAME guy who knows how to protect and provide.
"Blamers" just don't have the chops to make a woman feel safe and
comfortable in their presence.
Indeed, "victims" just aren't attractive...either to us as men or
to you as a woman.
Add it all up and the very day you STOP being a "blamer" will
likely be the day you START attracting more high quality men.
If that energizes you, we're happy to help. If it messed up your
whole day and made you angry, then all I can say is "it's not
your fault"...I guess.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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