[X&Y Emily] Will He Be This Way Forever, Or Can You Change Him?

Published: Wed, 04/09/25

Updated: Sat, 04/12/25

Sometimes we really like a guy, but we don't exactly like...well...*everything* about him. Maybe it's one of his habits, part of his lifestyle or even how he feels about YOU. Can you change how he is?

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IN THIS EDITION: Sometimes we really like a guy, but we don't
exactly like...well...*everything* about him. Maybe it's one of
his habits, part of his lifestyle or even how he feels about YOU.
Can you change how he is?

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IS HE GOING TO BE THIS WAY FOREVER???

Dear Emily,

What if a woman is being less available, enjoying her own activities
and not putting priority on the man she actually really is interested
in--but this man keeps dating the same way and shows just little
interest in her?

What if a man keeps asking her out a couple times a month, prepares
a nice fun date, but keeps it cool (no sweet words or kisses)?

After a few months have passed, can he be like this forever?

Well, I need to learn much more about dating, so I'm waiting for
your newsletter very much. And I'm really interested in getting your
new products, looks like you both are great experts of relationships.

Thank you for your answers.

Kind regards,

Lina (Vilnius, Lithuania)

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Hello Lina:

Thank you for your message and for your kind words!

The simple answer to your question about whether a man can continue
dating casually indefinitely is, "Yes, you bet he can."

He's likely dating several women and you are simply one of many
options.

This doesn't make him a bad guy, necessarily. Especially since it
sounds from your e-mail like he's not exactly pressuring you
sexually or anything.

It sure looks to me like he's a guy who is "leaving his options open".

Ultimately, this means he's someone with quite different priorities
from what yours appear to be.

If you want a man who is interested in pursuing a steady
relationship, you'll have to find a different man.

You can't just change his mind.

Actually, we as women talk a lot about changing the men in our lives.

This isn't necessarily limited to trying to tweak his level of
commitment to a relationship, either.

For example, we might start dating a guy who smokes, but we try to
get him to quit.

We might urge him to stop seeing certain friends of his.

Or we could want him to sell his motorcycle, stop traveling so much
for business and/or change his hairstyle.

But when it all comes down to it, just like you are your own person,
he's his own person also.

And as a matter of fact, it's often the case that if a man WERE to
change for us, we might inexplicably appreciate the "new improved"
version LESS than we did the guy we became enthralled with from the
start.

Actually, as silly as it sounds, some women report losing respect
for a man when he succumbs to pressure to change. Strange how the
mind works sometimes, isn't it?

On top of all of that, here's another thing to think about.

Consider how frustrating it would be if you met a man who said he
liked you lots, but kept telling you the ways he wanted you to be
different.

After a while, that would wear on your nerves, wouldn't it?

Well, trying to get a man to change in order to better meet your
needs puts a similar strain on the relationship.

It doesn't sound like you are nagging him. Nonetheless, your e-mail
presented a perfect opportunity to talk about this crucial issue.

Bottom line? You mentioned that he plans nice dates but doesn't
exactly sweep you off your feet with "sweet words and kisses".

It's time to stop dwelling upon a man who is already falling short
of your expectations and put yourself in the position of meeting
a man who is more relationship-minded and who knows what it means
to be romantic.

Otherwise, you're just trying to fit a square peg in a round hole,
right?

I'm also glad you mentioned being interested in trying Deserve What
You Want, Attraction Makeover or Click With Him.

In fact, the Women's Version of Scot's book Deserve What You Want
is an incredible way to prepare yourself for meeting the most
fantastic guy ever.

Put the past behind, discover what you really want in a man,
deserve what you want and go make it happen! It's all in there.

And a while back Scot put the finishing touches on something
really cool: the audiobook version of Deserve What You Want,
read by the author himself.

Now you can get the e-book, all the bonuses PLUS each chapter on
MP3 audio:

https://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women

If you'd much rather have Scot read the book to you while you are
at the gym or doing laundry, then this is the break you've been
waiting for:

https://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women

Have a great week ladies, and I'll write to you again soon.

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