[X&Y Emily] 20 Years Of X & Y Communications
Published: Fri, 12/05/25
Updated: Mon, 12/08/25
TODAY IS THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY
OF X & Y COMMUNICATIONS
Today marks exactly two decades since I
wrote the first X & Y Communications
newsletter...to 14 people.
It was sort of on a whim, just because
some of my friends (and women I'd dated)
practically dared me to.
I can't believe that was December 5th, 2005,
just two months and six days before I'd meet
the love of my life.
And since then Emily and I have had the
ride of our life.
We've literally reached millions over the last
20 years...through these newsletters, the
podcasts and relationships with other experts
in the world of dating and relationship advice.
Granted, 20 years is a long time, but we're
still 100% stoked to keep on doing what
we've been doing. We love being a witness to
the success of men and women all over the
world...in relationships or in their careers.
And we're not stopping any time soon.
Expect more new and exciting developments
in 2026 and beyond...all in the name of
propelling YOU to new heights in your
relationship success.
But for now, my best Happy Birthday
wishes! Yes, you're the reason why we
do what we do.
Just for old times' sake, here is that actual
first newsletter from 20 years ago today.
Back then I wrote for both men AND
women. Can you tell?
=====
THE LANGUAGE OF PET NAMES
It's a definite turning point, isn't it? She blurts it out innocently enough,
but there it is -- it's out there, "Honey" (or, if the Angels Of Affectionate
Blessing are working extra hard, "Sugar Smacks" ... or "Beanly" ... or
"Goodness").
The proverbial cat is out of its bag. Just don't call me that in front of my
friends, okay, "Sweet Thing"?
Pet names. What a concept. A topic I genuinely like, and have thought
about in detail. I believe it's all about adding a new level of identity to a
certain person so as to set apart the relationship between parties as sacred
(or something like that).
Pet names are a lot like nicknames in this respect, demonstrating that
someone "cares" enough to call you in a way more private or familial than
your given name. But see, just about anyone you know can "care" enough
to tag you with a mere nickname, and the end result can be questionable,
right "Pigeon Lips"?
Oh yeah. Make no mistake, pet names are nicknames made perfect. This is
all part of that elusive "language of love" made famous by Pepe LePew,
et al.
Women, I'm guessing, typically get the ball rolling, and may wonder where
the reciprocation is. Well, there's good cause for concern. A man might very
well feel that "pet names" are a feminine thing, so during the normal course
of life he may carefully guard his "macho" exterior and act embarrassed by
them and/or refrain from using them--especially in public I'd think.
During the passion of sex, however, he may feel more uninhibited or quite
frankly may not be able to help himself from coming out with the little
names he already has in mind for her.
Did you know that it's very common for women to "age regress" when they
are both attracted to and comfortable with a man? It's a very clear sign.
"Baby talk" and pet-names are by products of this, and yes...it's a feminine
trait. You know what I mean: all those little "cute-isms" used around the
house that all healthy couples seem to have, but which the man would
NEVER acknowledge outside of the safe confines of the house or the car.
A while back Match.com used to have "baby talk" on its list of "turn on
turnoffs" for members to select from when creating profiles. Women almost
always checked it as a "turnoff" (e.g. if coming from a guy).
My educated guess, however, is that a man really likes when women do
that stuff because it gives him the security of knowing she's into him...
as bizarre as that sounds.
And what about those pet names themselves? There are "universal" or
"safe" pet names (e.g. baby, honey, cutie) that everyone can use over
and over.
Others, like "pumpkin", "sweet stuff", etc. probably aren't 'transferable'
to the next relationship -- it would feel weird. Re-using the "sacred" ones
would be kind of like calling out an ex-lover's name in bed, right?
All of this said, I do believe there are distinct words a man can use when
talking to a woman he likes that accomplish the same endearing purpose
as the "femmie" pet names, YET project all the right things about
manhood.
This is a tricky one, and highly variable depending on a guy's personality...
or the woman's for that matter. Oddly enough, "girlie", "female" and
"blondie" are examples I've heard can be used effectively.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
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