[X&Y Emily] "You're Just Somebody That I Used To Know"
Published: Sun, 10/30/16
EMILY McKAY'S KEYS TO BLISS NEWSLETTER
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Having intense feelings for someone really makes
you feel alive...which is exactly why every woman should read this.=====
Ladies:
Scot wrote the following newsletter to his guys a while ago. I
thought it was so helpful that I wanted to be sure you had thechance to see it also.
I made some simple changes so that it's written to you instead of
the guys, but other than that it's exactly as he wrote it. It's good
stuff, so enjoy...
"YOU'RE JUST SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW"
If you've never seen this video by the band Walk Off The Earth, you
should join the other 159 million plus people who have:
Not only is the raw musicianship involved very cool, the Gotye song
"Somebody That I Used To Know" they've covered so creatively is
what inspired this newsletter.
Go ahead. I'll wait...
...OK, you're back. Did you watch the video and listen carefully to
the words?
It would appear here that someone fell pretty hard for someone
else--head over heels in love, actually.
But something went awry along the way, and now that someone flat
out CAN'T STAND the other person.
Isn't it stone cold CRAZY how that tends to happen?
As the old Pretenders song from the '80's also points out (if a bit
more directly), it's a "Thin Line Between Love And Hate".
Truth.
One of the most fascinating aspects of how human emotion tends to
work is that favor vs. disfavor can turn on a dime...even as the
relative INTENSITY of the feeling remains constant.
So as Gotye, Chrissie Hynde and countless others have either
observed or even felt first-hand, those really strong "warm
fuzzies" of love can morph into bitter hate almost instantly.
Usually, the cause of the rapid about-face lies in the object of
one's affection having wronged him or her in some egregious way.
In reality, the change can move in the opposite direction also.
For example, San Antonio NBA fans suddenly loved former Laker
(and perennial thorn in the side) Robert Horry when he was traded
to the Spurs. Go figure.
But in matters of the heart, there's no question what goes on WAY
more often. It's all-too-common for someone who's really in love
to flip the switch to complete, utter hate.
I'm not in a position to dissect the psychological elements of how
this whole phenomenon works or why it is what it is.
But you can bet your bottom dollar that I can help you figure out
how the heck to manage it effectively.
Here are four quick thoughts:
1) Let 'Em Down Easy
When you're a high quality woman it's a fact of life that men are
going to be crazy about you now and then.
Some of them may actually be convinced they've fallen in love with
you.
Whether you've been out with them once, ten times or never is
immaterial.
If you're straight-up not interested in a man you're going to have
to go out of your way to keep things cordial and pleasant.--even as
you discourage his interest.
It's obviously a mistake to insult him, make fun of him or socially
trivialize him in any other way.
But even if you simply ignore him in a simple attempt to avoid
certain awkwardness, you may be planting the seeds of sudden,
strong anger.
Any potential emotional explosion on his part will come at the very
moment he realizes his quest to win your affection is hopeless--and
worse, that you've only exacerbated his humiliation.
The carnage that results could include rumors being spread, public
embarrassment, furious invective, an attempt to turn friends
against you and/or (God forbid) something physically violent.
Obviously, the vast majority of guys out there mean well and are not
total Neanderthals. Nevertheless, always, always be good to men
who are infatuated with you.
Always. It's just the right thing to do.
2) Don't Lash Out
So what if the shoe's on the other foot? What if some guy you
really dig ends up really upsetting you?
Well, you COULD hurt your own social standing by engaging the very
types of behavior I just gave you a "heads up" on in point #1 above.
But you'll be MUCH better off if you file away the 20/20 foresight
I'm arming you with here.
When you understand the nature of human psychology, you're less
likely to be blindsided by your own thoughts and feelings when they
hit you like a ton of bricks.
Take a deep breath. Rest in the knowledge that your temperance
and restraint will only serve to make you more attractive to a man
who treats you better anyway.
3) Be Watchful
For some odd reason, the speed with which strong feelings are
compiled for someone else tends to correlate positively to the
speed at which those feelings can do a 180.
That can only mean you'd better stay plenty vigilant when either you
OR the man you've been hanging out with starts falling REAL hard,
REAL fast.
The greater the acceleration, the bigger the fiery wreck when
control is lost. Never forget that.
Even when you meet someone who holds true long-term potential like
none other you've met lately, it's a capital idea to take things at
a cool, smooth and casual pace.
4) Know The Price Of Immaturity
I'm not going to lie to you. Awareness of how the whole dynamic
we're discussing here works and the ability to manage one's
feelings accordingly is something that comes with age.
In other words, having even-keeled emotional responses to
male/female relationships is a hallmark of MATURITY.
Welcome to why so many boys and girls in seventh grade "love" each
other one day and "hate" each other the next.
Somewhere along the way we grow up and get a grip on ourselves.
But that doesn't always happen by whatever age the man you're
so keen on dating happens to be.
You got it: Even though people inevitably grow older, they don't
always grow up, do they?
You know, having written this I'm a bit surprised that I've never
seen this subject covered before.
Nevertheless, you now have just an extra bit of wisdom that makes
you better equipped to understand the human attraction process and
master it all the more.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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