[X&Y Emily] Translating His "Guy Speak"
Published: Tue, 10/31/17
EMILY McKAY'S KEYS TO BLISS NEWSLETTER
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Is what he's saying difficult to understand,
or are you simply choosing not to understand it?=====
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=====
TRANSLATING HIS "GUY SPEAK"
I got to go out for coffee with a guy I have had a crush
on for about a year. It went well but the summary of the
discussion we had about dating was that he is in limbo right
now because he has little time with his kids and work.
He is seriously considering moving if he will be able to
get custody of his children and the courts allow. He
basically doesn't want to get into a relationship with
someone if he will be moving. He said a number of times
that to him dating is about timing.
He does endure a long commute each day and he has kids
(two girls) a lot.
I am uncomfortable pushing the issue if he is not
interested. The coffee made me even more sure I would
like to get to know him better. Can you translate this
"guy speak" because I am baffled?
I am considering sending him a thank-you for coffee and hope
that he will be able to make time to do it again (soon?).
But I am uncomfortable making any forthright effort to engage
him if he is clearly not interested for whatever reason.
Sigh... He and I are so alike it was like I had known him
for years.
Thanks for your input. Take care.
Katie (Peachtree City, GA)
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Hello Katie, and thanks for writing.
One really crazy truth is that much of what we tend to
automatically assume is "guy speak" really isn't so
gender specific.
Oftentimes, in fact, it all comes down to the level of
attraction one person is feeling relative to the other.
And indeed, here's an aspect where men and women are
remarkably similar, no kidding.
I'll explain.
Consider if the tables were turned in this situation you've
told me about.
If this guy were to fall quickly and fawn over you, your gut
reaction might be that you could do better. And you might very
well lose attraction for him--probably without even knowing
exactly why.
So what about what he actually said to you?
Well, as amazing as it is to most women, guys typically do
not talk to us in "code". They say EXACTLY what they mean.
It's just that we as women often try to read WAY too much
into their words, especially if it's not exactly what we
were hoping to hear.
If you take what this particular man says at face value,
it's rather clear that he's NOT looking for a relationship
right now for several good reasons.
And the simple fact that he's either unable or unwilling to
"move mountains" to be with you speaks volumes.
Although many if not all of the issues he cited might be
very real, I've got some difficult news for you. People
tend to modify their priorities in a BIG WAY when they meet
someone who really moves them. And he's not doing that.
Be really careful not to express too much to a guy about
how much you like him too soon. Remember "getting kills
wanting".
Also important, as tough as it sounds to do it's best not
to invest too much emotional energy in a certain person
until much later.
The less you feel you need a particular guy in your life,
the more likely you are to attract him, ironically enough.
Meet some other guys and take a more casual approach.
You'll like the results. And just for good measure,
remember that he "gets" to go out for coffee with you also.
You aren't the only privileged one.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
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emily@clickwithhim.com.
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