[X&Y Emily] Should You Take What He Says At Face Value?

Published: Sun, 12/17/17



EMILY McKAY'S KEYS TO BLISS NEWSLETTER
 

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IN THIS ISSUE:  According to Scot, there are three types of
guys.  Which kind of man are you dating?  Both your immediate
and long-term future depend on it!

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SHOULD YOU TAKE WHAT HE SAYS AT FACE VALUE?


Today I'm going to share with you a newsletter that Scot recently
wrote to his guys.  After reading it, I couldn't help but think
that it's something EVERY woman needs to read as well.

As a reminder, this was written for a male audience so bear that
in mind as you read it.  The overall tone is very "guy friendly".

In fact, you may find yourself getting a bit angry at first when
you read what Scot has to say, and that's okay.

But that said, by now you know how he and I are.  We actively
root for BOTH genders to succeed in the dating world.  So with
that I encourage you to read Scot's words all the way to the end.

You can rest assured that there's some PURE GOLD to be mined
from what he wrote.

In particular, be sure to ask yourself which of the 3 types of
guys Scot talks about is YOUR guy.  That alone could be a real
breath of fresh air...



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DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE 3 TYPES OF GUYS?
 
-- by Scot McKay


Emily got an e-mail once that I'll never forget.  It began with
the story of how the woman's boyfriend told her early on that he
was absolutely, positively not interested in ever getting married.

She, however, really wanted a husband someday.  Nevertheless,
she stayed with this guy because she really liked him.  Weeks
turned into months which then turned into a year and a half.

Finally, the woman was writing Emily in frustration because the guy
was still showing no interest in putting a ring on her finger.

"How could he do this to me?  How could he lead me on like this?
What's wrong with this guy, and how to I get him to pop the
question?"

Emily's message back to her was VERY concise.

"There's nothing wrong with this guy.  He told you exactly what to
expect from him at the beginning, and you simply chose not to take
him at his word."

Essentially, Emily told her that she had nobody to blame for her
current circumstances but herself.

And although that kind of advice doesn't sell "feel good" e-books
to women, it is indeed the simple, uncomplicated truth.  In fact,
it's probably obvious to you as a guy.

But wait a minute, though.  It's not as if the scenario in the
example I just gave is anything new or unusual, is it?

If I took a show of hands, my guess is that nearly every one of us
has been in a similar situation at some point when we weren't
necessarily looking for a relationship.

We TELL a woman in plain English what our goals for our dating
life are, and yet she proceeds as if the conversation NEVER
happened.

What on Earth is up with that?

Well, in order to find a solid answer to that question, first consider
that there are THREE basic kinds of guys, and you're one of them.

Ready?


  1)  Guys who would love to find one great woman, end the dating
  "rat race", get married, enjoy some stability, move on with their life
  purpose and maybe start a family


  2)  Guys who are never, ever going to get married because they value
  sexual variety too much and/or straight-up don't believe in the
  institution of marriage


  3)  Guys who don't really know what they want


Interestingly, even within our own gender guys who are Type 2s
generally have no idea what in the world Type 1s are thinking, and
vice-versa.  Each thinks the other has rocks in his head, and may
even say so.

Now, since we as guys tend to be pragmatic sorts who pretty much
tell each other how it is, it's not as if we're going to challenge the
validity of another guy's position.  After all, what's in it for us,
anyway?

But women tend to let their minds wander in a different direction
sometimes, especially when they're starting to develop feelings for
a certain guy.

Weirdly, it's often the case that when a woman asks a guy how he
feels about long-term relationships and doesn't hear the answer she
was hoping for, she tends to automatically assume that he's a Type 3.

That means if she's looking to get married someday and her
boyfriend tells her that he's definitely NOT interested in that,
she gravitates toward the notion that he'll surely change his mind
some day.

More specifically, she believes she will be "The One" to change his
mind, if you get my drift.

Now, I'm not going to deny for even a split second that there's a
multitude of guys out there who are indeed Type 3s. 

Younger guys in particular often declare that they're never going
to get married only to experience some monumental epiphany
around age 28 or 30 that triggers a mind change.

But that's not necessarily a given.

Meanwhile, when a guy who's in his late 30s or beyond clearly
states what his mindset is, you can bet that he knows what he's
talking about--perhaps to the point where he'll even freely admit
to being a Type 3, if applicable.

With all of that said, you can neatly draw the conclusion that it's
every bit as important for women to understand men as it is for us
to understand them.

After all, look at the predicament that the lady who wrote Emily
found herself in.  Make no mistake, it's her own fault that she's in
that position.  Her misunderstanding of how men think and act is
her problem, not his.

Granted, just about any guy who vehemently states he's a Type 1 or
a Type 2 could, at least theoretically speaking, really be a Type 3
and someday change his mind.  That's a fact.

But the thing is, a woman can't possibly bank on that--and then get
angry when she loses that bet, pointing the finger of blame at the
guy.

So what's the importance of all of this for us?

That's simple.  If you've made it clear to a woman where you stand
relative to long-term relationships and marriage then you've got to
make sure she takes you seriously.

Be as clear as you know how to be, and then be watchful over time
to make sure she isn't assuming that your mind can (and will) be
changed if it likely will not.

Finally, don't allow yourself to be manipulated and/or pressured in
any way by a woman you've been truthful with.  Your will matters
every bit as much as hers in any relationship that both of you are
a part of.  If you've been straightforward and honest, you have
nothing to feel guilty about.

So far I've mostly been addressing those of you who are Type 2s and
perhaps Type 3s leaning towards a Type2 mindset.

But how about if you're more of a Type 1?  Well, for what it's worth,
women will actually tell us exactly what they're like early on also.

That means that if you want a wife and a woman tells you she's not
interested in marriage, or not interested in being married to you in
particular, you must come to grips with that and deal with it.

It's every bit as foolish to assume you can change her mind as it
is for a woman to believe she can change yours.

Hey, wait a minute...maybe that means men and women aren't so
different from each other in this respect after all, right?  Go figure...


Be Good,

Scot McKay

 




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