[X&Y Emily] "What If I Really Like Him...But He Has A Girlfriend?"
Published: Sat, 12/30/17
EMILY McKAY'S KEYS TO BLISS NEWSLETTER
=====
IN THIS ISSUE: What if you meet a guy, and you really like him...but
he has a girlfriend? Do you stay "just friends", even if your
feelings start getting in the way?
=====
LAST CHANCE TO CASH IN YOUR HOLIDAY GIFT CARD
As you know, our holiday treat for you this year was a gift card worth
$50.
You can spend it like cash at the X & Y Communications Store, but
this is your last opportunity to do so if you haven't already:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/giftcard-ladies
Choose from any program you'd like and get an instant $50
off.
Yes, it's a real gift card and it works like a charm:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/giftcard-ladies
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Scot and me!
=====
Dear Emily,
My name is Zelda, I live in Glasgow, Scotland and love your emails
on how to find good men.
I am 21 years old, I have my own flat and I am currently studying
a Masters degree in forensic psychology.
I am enthusiastic, happy, love life and am fearless to try anything
new. I feel that I am attractive and always present myself the
best way I can, I am approachable and regularly get approached by
men.
My problem is that there is this guy at my gym who works there and
is also a student. I have known him for 2 years and we used to get
on really well we were almost inseparable and people would comment
on this.
He does however have a girlfriend and I have known this from when I
met him. He does not talk about her much and we regularly go out
and I sometimes train with him at the gym but she is very rarely
mentioned.
A few months ago we started talking about how we felt about each
other and he told me he loved me and then one thing led to another
and we spent the night together, it was amazing and all the sexual
tension that we had was finally resolved.
However he does still have a girlfriend and she is a nice girl and
I am not the type of person that would normally do that to another
girl.
We are still friends although not as close as we used to be and
rarely see each other now, we are both busy with school and I do
see him at least once a week, however I feel that I really love him
and cannot seem to get rid of my feelings for him.
I have talked to him and he says that he can't leave his girlfriend
as they have been together for 4 years. I understand that he has
made his choice and I have tried to move on a forget him, but I
just can't!
I feel that he is lying to himself as he never says that he wants
to be with her because he loves her, it is because he does not want
to be the bad guy.
I know I should forget him as I do not want to be with a guy who
will not fight for what he wants. I am just so confused because
his actions and body language towards me are so opposite from what
he says, I just don't understand.
I feel that he loves me back but is a bit of a coward for not
standing up for what he believes in.
Maybe I am wrong and our one night together was simply an expression
of our feelings for each other, but I do feel that it is more than
that!
What is a girl to do?
Love, Zelda (Glasgow, Scotland, UK)
=====
Hello Zelda, and thanks so much for writing.
You sound like a very sweet person who feels deeply. You also are
apparently VERY responsible and motivated, living in your own place
and pursuing an advanced degree at a young age.
As such, it sounds like you generally make good decisions in life.
It's just that in this particular case you may be letting your heart
rule your head just a LITTLE TOO MUCH.
So I'm going begin my answer to you with a question that might put
everything into perspective for you: What would you tell a FRIEND
who was in a similar situation to YOURS?
You know, if you weren't all that emotionally invested in the
situation personally.
Think about it a bit before you answer.
You may tell her that she should have been REALLY careful NOT to
let herself get too close to a guy who already had a serious
girlfriend.
Even though it can seem like "just friends" at first, if we let
ourselves get emotionally involved when a guy is in a relationship
with someone else, we're just asking for disappointment.
Of course, since your friend was already two years down the road
with her a "guy friend", most of that would be for future reference.
"But yes", you may tell her, "you really CAN CHOOSE who you fall in
love with...because you have the full ability and the right to WALK
AWAY at the first sign you're heartstrings are starting to get
pulled in the wrong direction."
And when a guy we like has a girlfriend, that's pretty much always
the "Danger Zone".
You may also tell your friend that regardless of a particular man's
WORDS to you, you've got to pay closer attention to his ACTIONS.
And you might be very quick so say you're not talking about
"actions" like his body language or physical flirtation.
You're talking more about "actions" more in terms of the decisions
he makes and how he actually conducts his life.
In this case, the guy may have SAID that he "loves" your friend,
but his ACTIONS have clearly demonstrated that he is NOT willing to
leave his girlfriend for her.
In fact, after the sexual curiosity was resolved, he actually DID
bring his WORDS in line with his ACTIONS...spelling it out very
clearly that he would not be leaving his girlfriend.
At that point, you may express empathy for your friend, since it
can be true (not universally, but quite often so) that guys can
enjoy a sexual fling without emotional attachment whereas a sexual
experience with a guy usually intensifies feelings we as women have
for him.
And it sounds like the guy in this case was able to do just that,
leaving your friend's emotions in tatters, at least for the time
being.
BUT...you may encourage your friend by saying she's probably better
off without getting into a long-term relationship with this guy
anyway because he is, in no uncertain terms, A CHEATER.
And he's a brazen one, at that...given the fact that it sounds like
your friend and the guy's girlfriend actually KNOW EACH OTHER.
Unfortunately though, you'd probably be compelled to tell your
friend that she's not exactly off the hook either. She was a
willing party to this guy CHEATING on his girlfriend.
So ultimately, you may tell your friend that she's got to own up to
the fact that she has gotten herself into a situation that has hurt
her emotionally even as it affected a serious lapse in personal
character.
And you may encourage your friend to take heart in the fact that
she can successfully attract men, and to go out and DESERVE WHAT
SHE WANTS...that is, a great man of solid character who will be 100%
"all in" for her and treat her right.
Now, back to the real world...YOURS.
As such, in this situation let ME be a friend to YOU and tell YOU
the EXACT same things you may have told a friend if SHE was in YOUR
situation.
I'd also HIGHLY RECOMMEND to you (AND your friend...LOL) snapping up
a copy of the Women's Version of Scot's first book Deserve What You
Want.
There's no faster way to discover how to put the past behind, focus
on what you REALLY want from a guy and HOW TO GET IT, and then to
actually go out and MAKE IT HAPPEN.
It just is so great for getting on the "fast track" to the right
relationship.
You can find that right here:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women
Thanks again for writing. I'm sure you'll be finding the right guy
for you in no time...certainly much sooner that you may think, given
how you're feeling at the moment.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2017. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
=====
IN THIS ISSUE: What if you meet a guy, and you really like him...but
he has a girlfriend? Do you stay "just friends", even if your
feelings start getting in the way?
=====
LAST CHANCE TO CASH IN YOUR HOLIDAY GIFT CARD
As you know, our holiday treat for you this year was a gift card worth
$50.
You can spend it like cash at the X & Y Communications Store, but
this is your last opportunity to do so if you haven't already:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/giftcard-ladies
Choose from any program you'd like and get an instant $50
off.
Yes, it's a real gift card and it works like a charm:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/giftcard-ladies
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Scot and me!
=====
Dear Emily,
My name is Zelda, I live in Glasgow, Scotland and love your emails
on how to find good men.
I am 21 years old, I have my own flat and I am currently studying
a Masters degree in forensic psychology.
I am enthusiastic, happy, love life and am fearless to try anything
new. I feel that I am attractive and always present myself the
best way I can, I am approachable and regularly get approached by
men.
My problem is that there is this guy at my gym who works there and
is also a student. I have known him for 2 years and we used to get
on really well we were almost inseparable and people would comment
on this.
He does however have a girlfriend and I have known this from when I
met him. He does not talk about her much and we regularly go out
and I sometimes train with him at the gym but she is very rarely
mentioned.
A few months ago we started talking about how we felt about each
other and he told me he loved me and then one thing led to another
and we spent the night together, it was amazing and all the sexual
tension that we had was finally resolved.
However he does still have a girlfriend and she is a nice girl and
I am not the type of person that would normally do that to another
girl.
We are still friends although not as close as we used to be and
rarely see each other now, we are both busy with school and I do
see him at least once a week, however I feel that I really love him
and cannot seem to get rid of my feelings for him.
I have talked to him and he says that he can't leave his girlfriend
as they have been together for 4 years. I understand that he has
made his choice and I have tried to move on a forget him, but I
just can't!
I feel that he is lying to himself as he never says that he wants
to be with her because he loves her, it is because he does not want
to be the bad guy.
I know I should forget him as I do not want to be with a guy who
will not fight for what he wants. I am just so confused because
his actions and body language towards me are so opposite from what
he says, I just don't understand.
I feel that he loves me back but is a bit of a coward for not
standing up for what he believes in.
Maybe I am wrong and our one night together was simply an expression
of our feelings for each other, but I do feel that it is more than
that!
What is a girl to do?
Love, Zelda (Glasgow, Scotland, UK)
=====
Hello Zelda, and thanks so much for writing.
You sound like a very sweet person who feels deeply. You also are
apparently VERY responsible and motivated, living in your own place
and pursuing an advanced degree at a young age.
As such, it sounds like you generally make good decisions in life.
It's just that in this particular case you may be letting your heart
rule your head just a LITTLE TOO MUCH.
So I'm going begin my answer to you with a question that might put
everything into perspective for you: What would you tell a FRIEND
who was in a similar situation to YOURS?
You know, if you weren't all that emotionally invested in the
situation personally.
Think about it a bit before you answer.
You may tell her that she should have been REALLY careful NOT to
let herself get too close to a guy who already had a serious
girlfriend.
Even though it can seem like "just friends" at first, if we let
ourselves get emotionally involved when a guy is in a relationship
with someone else, we're just asking for disappointment.
Of course, since your friend was already two years down the road
with her a "guy friend", most of that would be for future reference.
"But yes", you may tell her, "you really CAN CHOOSE who you fall in
love with...because you have the full ability and the right to WALK
AWAY at the first sign you're heartstrings are starting to get
pulled in the wrong direction."
And when a guy we like has a girlfriend, that's pretty much always
the "Danger Zone".
You may also tell your friend that regardless of a particular man's
WORDS to you, you've got to pay closer attention to his ACTIONS.
And you might be very quick so say you're not talking about
"actions" like his body language or physical flirtation.
You're talking more about "actions" more in terms of the decisions
he makes and how he actually conducts his life.
In this case, the guy may have SAID that he "loves" your friend,
but his ACTIONS have clearly demonstrated that he is NOT willing to
leave his girlfriend for her.
In fact, after the sexual curiosity was resolved, he actually DID
bring his WORDS in line with his ACTIONS...spelling it out very
clearly that he would not be leaving his girlfriend.
At that point, you may express empathy for your friend, since it
can be true (not universally, but quite often so) that guys can
enjoy a sexual fling without emotional attachment whereas a sexual
experience with a guy usually intensifies feelings we as women have
for him.
And it sounds like the guy in this case was able to do just that,
leaving your friend's emotions in tatters, at least for the time
being.
BUT...you may encourage your friend by saying she's probably better
off without getting into a long-term relationship with this guy
anyway because he is, in no uncertain terms, A CHEATER.
And he's a brazen one, at that...given the fact that it sounds like
your friend and the guy's girlfriend actually KNOW EACH OTHER.
Unfortunately though, you'd probably be compelled to tell your
friend that she's not exactly off the hook either. She was a
willing party to this guy CHEATING on his girlfriend.
So ultimately, you may tell your friend that she's got to own up to
the fact that she has gotten herself into a situation that has hurt
her emotionally even as it affected a serious lapse in personal
character.
And you may encourage your friend to take heart in the fact that
she can successfully attract men, and to go out and DESERVE WHAT
SHE WANTS...that is, a great man of solid character who will be 100%
"all in" for her and treat her right.
Now, back to the real world...YOURS.
As such, in this situation let ME be a friend to YOU and tell YOU
the EXACT same things you may have told a friend if SHE was in YOUR
situation.
I'd also HIGHLY RECOMMEND to you (AND your friend...LOL) snapping up
a copy of the Women's Version of Scot's first book Deserve What You
Want.
There's no faster way to discover how to put the past behind, focus
on what you REALLY want from a guy and HOW TO GET IT, and then to
actually go out and MAKE IT HAPPEN.
It just is so great for getting on the "fast track" to the right
relationship.
You can find that right here:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women
Thanks again for writing. I'm sure you'll be finding the right guy
for you in no time...certainly much sooner that you may think, given
how you're feeling at the moment.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2017. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.