[X&Y Emily] 7 Things To Think About Before An Argument Starts
Published: Sat, 04/07/18
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IN THIS ISSUE: What happens when you argue with a guy you are in a
relationship with? Find out why "arguing successfully" doesn't
necessarily mean being right all the time...
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COULD THE ONLINE DATING SUCCESS PACKAGE BE
FOR YOU?
Saturday mornings like this are the BEST time to find a great guy
online.
But how is online dating going for you so far?
Do you feel you should be more successful at it than you are...
like you should have met "The One" already?
If so, it's time to click the "fast forward" button. Hop on over to:
http://www.datetoorder.com
...where you'll discover the Online Dating Success Package.
For about what others charge for a simple "profile rewrite", Scot
and I give you live, in-person training on every aspect of how
to succeed online.
That includes crafting the perfect profile, getting the right
pictures, screening the guys and (of course) e-mail and phone
conversations.
Scot and I met online, and we both had our fair share of Match.com
acquaintances at the time we did. We know how to make online
dating work for you!
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7 THINGS TO THINK ABOUT BEFORE AN ARGUMENT
STARTS
Are you facing conflict successfully to make life better for both
you and your partner? Or is winning the fight at the cost of your
relationship really all you want?
Every couple will have disagreements. How the two of you deal with
disagreements is indicative of whether or not you are creating a
healthy relationship or destructive one.
How can you squabble so that both you and your partner can feel that
an issue is fixed in the end, making your relationship stronger?
There are some simple points to remember when disagreeing to make the
resolution AND the relationship both successful:
1. How often you disagree and argue makes a difference in the
success of your relationship.
If you argue all the time, you will be heading to a guaranteed
heartbreak.
A guy who I once worked with asked me my opinion about his
relationship between him and his fiance. Working next to him I
could not help but to hear him argue with her several times every
day.
I mean, I could only imagine the arguments that took place AFTER
work.
I told him that because of all the serious arguments they were
having that I wondered if they were really ready to marry each
other.
He was very upset with the answer, of course. Choosing to ignore
a loud and clear sign of trouble, they got married and were
divorced within a year. How sad!
2. Leave the petty things alone, like leaving the toothpaste cap
off or shoes on the floor.
There is always something to complain about.
Life is too short to fight about everything. Learn to let small
things go.
Look for ways to bring joy to each other rather than picking on
each other regarding the little unimportant things.
When you do argue, save it for something important or potentially
life altering, like how to deal with the kids, whether to move or
stay, or major things that hurt your feelings.
3. Express how you are feeling without blaming the other person.
It is so easy to get on the defensive. When expressing yourself
try to say how an event has made you feel or affected you.
You may say, "correct me if I am wrong but the way I see or perceive
XYZ issue/event is..."
Or perhaps, "I love you and I'm sure you love and care about me,
however when ABC happened yesterday I felt..."
Keep in mind your partner wants what is best in life for you,
therefore he maybe completely unaware of what happened. This is a
loving way to give him the opportunity to clear up a
misunderstanding or to correct the issue.
4. Don't let issues fester or reach a boiling point to where you
end up screaming at each other and saying things that are
intentionally hurtful.
Long after an argument is over, words can sometimes be hard to
forget and/or forgive. Saying hurtful things in the heat of anger
is the fastest road to destroying a relationship permanently.
I'm sure that's not what you want.
In our lives, Scot and I have disagreements. But what we never
do is insult or belittle each other.
5. Timing is very important as to whether your discussion will be
successful or turn ugly.
Find a time when you both are relaxed and therefore more open to
talking calmly about issues.
Having a serious discussion just after getting home from a really
bad day of work is not productive. That's basically just picking
a fight!
Home should always be a place to go to for a peaceful retreat from
the chaos of the jungle.
I find a lot of times a man dreads coming home after work because he
knows when he walks in the door the wife/partner will be there to
complain about something.
If you want to put this to the test, visit the local bar around 5:00
or 6:00 ask the men there their opinion on the subject of coming
home vs. avoiding it.
Give your loved one a chance to unwind, enjoy the peace of home and
to recharge before talking about major issues.
6. Have a discussion not a competition.
You don't always have to be right. If you argue with the goal of
being right, you will end up alone--left to agree with yourself.
When you argue it needs to be with the goal of finding a solution.
That means the two of you need to find a solution together,
compromising.
That's not always possible, and after discussing all the positives,
negatives and other assorted feelings about the subject--take for
example moving to a new city--someone may have to just simply give
in.
This is not the opportunity to try to make it fail so that you can
say, "I told you so".
Together as a team you both should work hard to make the decision
successful. How great it is to know your partner is there
to support you or for him to know that you are there to support
him, even if you disagree?
Now THAT'S what creates appreciation and admiration instead of
resentment. (Can you feel the love?)
7. Be discreet.
Do not argue in front of other people.
Believe me, nobody wants to see or hear it.
Humiliating your partner in public is just another way to make
him want to leave. It can only serve to degrade both you and
your partner.
It displays your lack of compassion and love for one another.
It will never elicit the positive response you truly need for
a happy solution and relationship.
Remember...you both want a great relationship, right?
So when the discussion starts to get out of hand remind each other
that you love one anther and that you want to talk to make things
better, not to hurt each other.
Then take a deep breath. When ready, start communicating (focus on
the "co" part) with the idea of reaching a solution together.
Couples who have this mastered are very happy, successful people.
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