[X&Y Emily] Are You "Too Picky"?
Published: Thu, 07/05/18
WHAT'S INSIDE: Do people tell you you're "too picky"? If so,
do you know what's actually DRIVING your pickiness? Read on...=====
A while back Scot sent a message similar to the one I'm about to
share with you to his guys. I thought it was SO right on that I
asked him to write a version for YOU. Enjoy!
PROACTIVE PICKINESS VS. PICKINESS THAT PROHIBITS
Here's a wild guess.
You just might be as sick of hearing that same old mantra from your
friends and relatives as everyone else is who has heard the same
thing over and over:
"You're too picky. You're never going to find a man who meets
all your requirements!"
Am I right on target?
Wow, that's irritating, isn't it? Especially if it's coming from
people who you clearly sense have settled for less than they wanted
in their OWN relationships, right?
I mean, what...are YOU supposed to settle for someone you don't
really want and end up miserable too?
Well, you know my answer. Absolutely not.
You have every single right to be as selective as you need to be.
I'd even go so far as to say you should have a detailed list of the
top traits you desire in a man as well as a list of all the "deal
breakers" you've identified.
BUT...there is one very sincere caveat.
If you're "picky" or "selective" (or whatever you want to call it),
it's got to be for the RIGHT REASON...which is because you REFUSE
to settle for less than you deserve.
I call that concept "Proactive Pickiness" because you have the
foresight to AVOID getting roped into a BAD relationship that you
never really wanted. Instead, you're actively CHOOSING the partner
you want.
That's all good stuff, all the time.
And, of course, if you're the kind of woman who is ready to be one
half of a great relationship and who deserves what she wants, the
reason for your selectivity is reasonable indeed.
What often happens, however, is that some people pronounce
themselves to be "very, very, very, very picky" even as they're
doing virtually nothing to be the kind of person that their "dream
guy" will ever be attracted to.
What's up with that?
Well, even though that mindset is not only confusing to observers
but also utterly counterproductive to the best interests of anyone
who holds it, there may be method to the madness.
Now, while I'm not going to discount the idea that there may be
some truly delusional souls out there who firmly believe that their
selfish will is enough to somehow trick and/or trap exceptional
MOTOS (members of the other sex) into their snare, I think
there's something more to it.
What it often REALLY comes down to is that same old nemesis that
we all have such a hard time staring down: FEAR OF FAILURE
(aka "FEAR OF GETTING HURT AGAIN").
Well, tragically enough that is THE major contributor to the state
of becoming "picky" for the WRONG reasons.
That's when what I call "Pickiness That Prohibits" has kicked in.
On the surface, it merely looks like UNREASONABLE pickiness.
The list of desired traits may be a mile long, typically featuring
plenty of esoteric nonsense that has little to do with real
attraction OR real compatibility (e.g. "we must have the same
favorite move, same passion for merengue dancing, same favorite
Taco Bell menu item, etc.)
Or, I don't know, maybe that list is also replete with mutually
exclusive requirements that flat-out defy the laws of physics,
chemistry AND biology.
But see, what's REALLY happening there is that "extreme pickiness"
is being positioned as a mere EXCUSE to avoid going out and
meeting men.
It's a way to insulate oneself from ANY possibility of getting one's
feelings hurt by MOTOS...all by preventing any conceivable
situation where meeting and perhaps dating them could potentially
happen to begin with.
And as much as I hesitate to say it, THAT may be what your friends
and relatives are so concerned about when they harp on how "picky"
you are.
That's because when you get right down to it "Pickiness That
Prohibits" is a LOT like sticking your head in the sand.
No matter what, you're KIDDING yourself if you think you're EVER
going to meet the man of your dreams that way.
You're WAY, WAY better off making the BOLD MOVE to deserve what
you want.
After all, once you see clear progress there you'll then feel much
more comfortable making BOLD MOVES to meet a terrific man of
character.
And at that point, as long as the list your newly-transformed
"Proactive Pickiness" is based on doesn't violate the laws of
science, you'll be richly rewarded.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
I trust you enjoyed that and got as much insight from it as I did.
Have a great, relaxing day and I'll talk to you again soon.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
P.S. Have you read Scot's book Deserve What You Want yet?
There's now a women's version with a complete audio book
included:
=====
Questions? Ideas? Comments? Feel free to write me anytime at:
emily@clickwithhim.com.
Your feedback is welcome. If you like what you read, please feel
free to forward the newsletter to others. That's how we build our
audience!
Did a friend forward you this message? To receive this free
newsletter on finding the right man online OR offline from X & Y
Communications on a regular basis, simply click on this link:
...and sign up. Or, just send a blank e-mail to:
emily@aweber.com. Easy simple!
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times
isn't rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2018. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications
LLC.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.