[X&Y Emily] Should You Have "The Talk" With Him? (Reader Question)

Published: Tue, 07/31/18



EMILY McKAY'S KEYS TO BLISS NEWSLETTER

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IN THIS EDITION:  Knowing where you stand with a guy in a
relationship is all-important.  How can you make sure you have a
grip on where your relationship is headed? 

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INTIMATE QUESTIONS FOR COUPLES


Last time I told you about Michael Webb's amazing book
of questions to ask on dates.

But here's what amazes me even more.  It's that Michael and
his wife have been blissfully married for over 20 years and
have never even had a fight. 

It's not just pure dumb luck. 

When it comes to relationships, this guy knows his stuff.

Since we're friends with Mike he recently also sent us a copy
of his other brilliantly useful book 500 Intimate Questions For
Couples. 

You can check THAT one out here:


 
500 Sexy Questions To Bring Back That "Spark"
 


That book, like the one for dates, gives you a whole bunch of
great conversations starters. 

BUT...this one is geared more toward helping you strengthen
your relationship with a man you've known for quite a while.

(Sounds like a great "sequel" to the other one, right?)

These questions are guaranteed to:


* Deepen the intimacy in ANY relationship


* Confirm whether or not you and your potential future mate
are sexually and emotionally compatible


* Spark some highly erotic conversations, followed by intensely
passionate physical time together


Right now, Michael is offering a one-time special offer that
goes along with 500 Intimate Questions For Couples.

This offer expires very soon so don't miss out.  You'll just
have to see it to believe it... 


 
http://www.emily-recommends.com/500questions



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SHOULD YOU HAVE "THE TALK" WITH HIM?


Dear Emily:

I've been seeing this guy since February.  The end of April I went
out to a club with my girlfriend and he was there with another
girl!  I was so upset, but I kept my cool and pretended he wasn't
there! 

Two weeks went by when he finally called.  I answered the call he
proceeded to tell me that he was sorry, and that he didn't do it on
purpose.  He also informs me that I shouldn't have been upset with
him because we never established a relationship. 

He told me that he really likes me and wants to hang out and get to
know me better. 

Since then we've been hanging out a lot more!  We've been on lots of
dates like a trip to Miami, movies, dinners, clubs, even grocery
shopping! 

The issues that I have are that I'm a flight attendant and he's a
party promoter.  So we both stay busy.  We see each other once
maybe twice a week.  I would like to spend more quality time, but I
don't want to seem too needy.

I'm tired of implementing the supposed "rules", like not calling
him and letting him call me.  Pretending not to care so much, when
I really do. 

I'm wanting to ask where our relationship is headed. 

Should I ask where it's going, or continue to be stuck in a rut? 

I feel a great connection, but when or will he ask for a
commitment?! 

I don't want to scare him off!

Help!


Ariel (Orlando, FL)



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Hello Ariel,


This is a great question that is on sooo many women's minds.  How do
we have "The Talk" about where the relationship is heading? 

Some women wonder if it's even necessary to have "The Talk" at all.

Rest assured that OHHH YES...it's VERY necessary!

First, lets talk about when you should have "The Talk".



  1.  If you have been dating for more than 3 to 6 months regularly
  in person.  E-mails and phone calls do not count as dating.


  2.  Preferably before you start sleeping together.  If you have
  slept together then anytime after that is more than appropriate.



Next, let's talk about how to get the details in order.  That way,
you can minimized potential distractions and/or frustrations:



  1.  Choose a quiet private place to talk.


  2.  Make sure you are in the right frame of mind to be able to
  engage in as calm and reasonable a discussion as possible.  When
  feelings are involved it is hard to talk sometimes.


  3.  Make sure the timing is good for the both of you.  There
  shouldn't be any real time constraints.



I know you might very well be nervous when it comes time, but no
matter what empower yourself with the notion that staying stuck in
a "rut" is no way to live.

Believe me, I understand the fear of talking about moving the
relationship forward.  You maybe worried that he will get scared
off and never talk to you again. 

So I challenge you to think about WHY it is important to you to move
the relationship forward. 

Doing so will help your resolve in making sure "The Talk" actually
happens.

Do you want be exclusive and feel safe that there is no one else in
his life?
 
Are you looking forward to getting married and perhaps having kids?

Who of us wants to spend unnecessary time with someone who will never
commit to us, if that's our goal?

There is nothing wrong with wanting any of those things. 

Avoiding "The Talk" serves no real productive purpose. 

If YOU are avoiding it then it's to keep from scaring him off.  If
HE is avoiding it then it's to keeping you from leaving. 

If you want to get on the fast-track to "settling", then feel free
to continue avoiding "The Talk".

But if you want more out of your relationship, then have "The Talk"
with him.

So what exactly gets said during "The Talk"?

I'm glad you asked!

Write down your what you want to say.  Bring your notes with you
just in case you get distracted and forget some of the important
things to talk about.

Ask him what he would like out of an ideal relationship.

Ask what vision he has for himself a year from now. Note here that
I did not say for the two of you.  You want him to be free to answer
honestly and from the heart.

Then, state what you want out of life and your view of an idea
relationship. 

When I was single I would let the men I liked know that I don't
date anyone for a long time without the prospect of marriage.

I would also share with them my beliefs about relationships. 

I happen to believe that when a man knows he has the woman of his
dreams he will usually realize it within a year.  

Then ask him his thoughts on the matter.  What is holding him back
from being able to commit to an exclusive relationship in general
and/or with you specifically?
 
Can whatever it is be resolved, or not?  Was there simply a
misunderstanding somewhere along the way?  Are the differences
between you too great for there to be any long-term potential?

Have two or three outcomes in mind along with your actions that
follow logically.

For example:

If he can't envision embarking upon an exclusive relationship with
you right now or in the very near future then your action would be
to let him know first that you are glad he was honest with you.

But the truth is that you have a different goal in mind for yourself
and as much as you like or love him you must move on.

If he is unsure of things, you may want to give him time to think
about his goals and what he wants out of life.  That way he will be
able to process what life would be potentially like with or without
you are in that picture or not. 

Who knows?  He may have being wanting to move the relationship
forward but was worried that you didn't.  Having found that you are
on the same page, your plan of action could be to stay with him as
long as the relationship keeps moving forward in a reasonable way.

I wish you all the real happiness life has to offer. 




 




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