[X&Y Emily] So Do LIKES Or Opposites Attract?
Published: Fri, 01/28/11
EMILY McKAY'S KEYS TO BLISS NEWSLETTER
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Once and for all, let's settle it... Do people who
are more alike attract each other or is it really true that"opposites attract"?
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1-ON-1 COACHING: THE FAST TRACK TO SUCCESS
Right now we've got exactly two Ten-Plus spots open.
Ten-Plus is a fully customized plan of action to get you from where
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straightforward, followed by a call where we work together on an
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Similarly, you can e-mail your questions any time and expect
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In a very real way, you will have hired me to be your on-call
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Your plan will be custom-tailored to your real-world needs, and
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Plus, we're still the only dating coaches we know of who provide
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As you can imagine, I can only have a limited number of women on
Ten-Plus at any given time.
And by now you can see why whenever I announce open Ten-Plus spots they tend to go fast.
So if you think this could be for you, write me at:
...and tell me your story. Also give me a way to reach you by phone.
And now, let's talk about our favorite topic around
here...relationships!
Scot just wrote an EXCELLENT newsletter to his guys that I thought
was SO RIGHT ON that I asked him to write a similar one for you
also...enjoy.
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SO DO LIKES OR OPPOSITES ATTRACT?
"I'm a walking, talking dichotomy. I hope you're the same."
"I'm looking for someone with as many things in common as me."
-- Actual lines from online dating profiles
It's a question that has perplexed--if not flat-out flustered--
humankind since the very inception of civilized male/female
attraction, isn't it?
Do people who are more ALIKE or more OPPOSITE ultimately attract
each other?
And moreover, the deeper question: Are we more likely to succeed
in a RELATIONSHIP with someone who is more ALIKE or more OPPOSITE to ourselves?
Well, anyone who is familiar with the famous Myers-Briggs
personality inventory test knows that the claim that comes along
with it is that the happiest couples are almost always OPPOSITE
personality types.
Meanwhile, it's readily apparent from how the folks over at
eHarmony, for example, do business that they believe that LIKES
attract.
So who's right and who's wrong here?
Here's my surprising answer: BOTH and NEITHER.
That's right. After lots of consideration of the issue at hand,
I've arrived at the conclusion that there is a GREY AREA here that
few, if any, people ever consider.
The truth is that in order for a man and a woman to be truly
compatible in a relationship, they have to be ALIKE in some ways
and DIFFERENT in others.
Now, before you dismiss what I've just said as calling the whole
thing a "toss up" and walking away from the dilemma, know this:
How we and our male companions need to be ALIKE and how we need to be different is NOT RANDOM (i.e. purely subject to whatever turns us on).
In fact, it's crucially important to know how to sort this all out
as you're evaluating men.
So then, let's elaborate a bit on what needs to be ALIKE between
you and a man you're likely to have a great relationship with.
For starters, he's going to need to have the same core believe
system (aka "world view") as you do. For example, if he's Catholic
and you're Agnostic, being opposite will likely be disastrous.
You just have to build your relationship on the same basic
foundation. Know what I mean?
The two of you will also need to be in lock-step on ideas like
whether or not you want kids (and if so how to raise them), whether
to stay up all night or be an early riser, what "relationship"
means in your case (i.e. are you completely monogamous?) and
whether to eat meat or not.
A myriad of examples could be given. But simply put, you and the
man of your dreams should be alike PHILOSOPHICALLY.
See how that makes sense?
Next time, in Part Two on this topic we'll cover how you and the
kind of man you're likely to get along with long term should be
OPPOSITE from each other.
Don't touch that dial...
(WARNING: The next edition will include some pretty entertaining
accounts of misadventures with women from my own past.)
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. There's a new episode of X & Y On The Fly coming soon...scout's
honor.
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