[X&Y Emily] "How Do I Know If He's Interested In Me?"
Published: Mon, 07/25/11
EMILY McKAY'S KEYS TO BLISS NEWSLETTER
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Here's a letter from a reader that gets to
the heart of finding out what a man REALLY thinks, aswell as what to do when he sparks a conversation with you.
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LETTER FROM A READER
Hello Emily,
I was wondering what you would say...do you think this guy is
interested? How should I talk to him?
I have seen him before at the library when I get a computer. The
local library has
different branches and I have seen him at two of them.
I remember in the fall of last year when I asked for a computer he
made a statement that "I think I have seen you at..." and he
named the branch.
Anyway, about a month ago I went to get a computer (a day I
normally don't go to at this branch) and he happened to be the
one working. I was shocked.
most likely, as it had been last year when I saw him last.
I guess I liked him then but didn't talk to him. I figured he would
talk to me if he was interested.
Well, that night I went to my car (I parked on the street) and
happened to glance up to see who was nearby about to cross the
street as I was looking for my keys.
I didn't notice him at first and when I did I looked back and
smiled and he said, "Hey" and I said, "Hey" and went back to
looking for my keys.
Would that mean anything? I never can think of something to say at
the moment until afterwards.
I saw him at the other branch about a week later when I got a
computer.
Then, I think it was a couple of weeks when I saw him yet again
when I was at the library
but didn't ask for a computer.
Well, last week (about 2 weeks or so since I saw him last) I asked
for a computer and he said "Gwen, right?"
He knew my name. He remembered my name.
If he remembered my name, does that mean anything? It was about 4
weeks ago when I gave him my name for a computer and he remembered.
Are these occurrences good signs, or am I imagining?
How should I talk to him? Is there something to say when I check
out or get a computer? How would I know if he is interested?
I haven't been able to pick up on anything yet.
Thank you,
Gwen (Virginia, USA)
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Hello Gwen:
Thank you so much for writing.
Well from what you describe it's VERY clear that he likes you. He
is showing all the signs. He has engaged you in conversation
several times now and he even remembered your name.
But here's something you're probably not expecting me to say: He
most likely believes you are not interested in him at all.
It doesn't sound like the conversations you've had with him inside
the library have gone very far at all, even though it appears he's
attempted to make small talk.
And when he greeted you outside where your car was and your
response was to simply say, "Hey" then you turn your attention to
looking for your keys you might as well have said, "I don't want to
talk to you"...regardless of whether that was true OR not.
That is a huge blow to a guy, and he's unlikely to press you any
further for conversation.
Interestingly, most (if not all) men report that it requires them
to muster ALL of their courage to approach a woman they've never
met before and talk to her. Can you believe that? It's true!
They are typically VERY AFRAID of be laughed at and told
"no"...perhaps in a publicly humiliating manner.
Even though the VAST majority of us as women are perfectly polite
souls and would NEVER be rude to a man who was perfectly respectful
toward us, men are very much afraid of living that nightmare.
Knowing that, if a guy actually DOES try to start a conversation
and continues to talk to you it's safe to assume that he likes you.
Also given that his job gives him the opportunity to interact with
dozens of people every day, if he makes a point to remember your
name then that's VERY significant.
Next time, talk and flirt with him by smiling and laughing at
anything funny he might say so that he can get at least a subtle
indication that you are enjoying the interaction with him.
You'll be amazed at how even a simple measure of approval like this
will afford him a MASSIVE dose of confidence to ask for your number
or even to ask you out on the spot.
Be sure to relax and enjoy the conversation as you would with
anyone else, even though your mind is probably racing with
excitement. After all, you don't freeze up when
you talk to women or your girl friends, right? You can do this!
You can absolutely help carry the conversation, too.
For example, you might ask how long he's been working for the
library. Or you could ask a question like, "What's your favorite
book here?"
Those would be the simple, basic ways to press the "easy button"
without much chance of fumbling your words.
But if you're feeling more spunky and creative you could also reach
for something funny to say yourself.
For example, when he recalled having seen you at the other branch
you might have responded with, "Yes...do you have a twin brother
working at the other branch also? I think I remember seeing
someone who looks like you there."
Whatever you say, smile when you say it. Never forget to smile.
Be sure to talk about the latest interesting YouTube video you've
seen or the most curious thing you've read recently instead of
politics, religion or anything else that's controversial.
Avoid "dark" or negative ideas, keeping the conversation fun, light
and even playful.
Since he likes you he WILL try to continue the conversation, but
you really do have to show some interest in him too. The good news
is that you don't have to throw yourself at him...it can all be
subtle, just like I've described.
Coming off as friendly AND female does not at all have to imply
that you're either too "forward" or too "available".
It's unfortunate that some of us feel like we need to be come total
"non-reactors" around men, lest they get the "wrong idea" about us.
The "wrong idea" that men typically get in that case is that we
DON'T have any interest in them whatsoever...after all, they're human
just like us.
Consider that "non-reaction" is one of the most frequent reasons
why perfectly sweet and adorable women find themselves not being
asked on second dates. Ironically, it's because the poor guy
usually thought she didn't like him!
I am always happy to answer your questions but with some topics
(such as this one) there is are so many great ideas to share that
can supercharge your dating life that there's just not enough room
in an e-mail newsletter to cover it all.
It's kind of like going to a movie theater and only seeing the
2-minute trailer instead of the 2 hour movie.
If you want to ALL the juicy details on how to create attraction
like a lady and truly start enjoying your conversations with men,
then my Click With Him program is EXACTLY what you're looking for.
Right now, I've got a full 50% OFF coupon for you which makes
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It's time to start enjoying the THRILL of meeting great guys...all
the while attracting the RIGHT ones? After all, that's how it's
supposed to be, isn't it?
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
P.S. As a reminder, Scot and I have a really cool Facebook page
nowadays, and I wanted to be sure to invite you to be part of the
community:
When you click the "like" button, there's a f-r-e-e special report
in it for you from Scot on how to reconnect with old crushes from
your past on Facebook. It's a quick, fun and VERY useful read.
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