[X&Y Emily] "How Can I Build My Confidence?" (Reader Question)
Published: Tue, 03/20/12
EMILY McKAY'S KEYS TO BLISS NEWSLETTER
=====
IN THIS EDITION: It's hard enough to find a great man out there. So
what's a woman to do when she finally identifies a great man but
just doesn't have the confidence to start an interaction? Here are
some practical steps!
=====
HOW CAN I BUILD MY CONFIDENCE?
Hello Emily,
I love reading your dating newsletters- they're so informative. It's
all thanks to you that I've changed my view towards men.
Before, I was so shy, feeling not so perfect on the outside, waiting
for someone to approach me. Well, in short, I was a wallflower.
Now, I've changed myself, half way as it seems.
I've learned to feel comfortable hanging around most men and flirting
with them.
The only problem is, I still keep a distance from confident men who
are often popular and surrounded by other women.
I find those kind of men, powerful, attractive and even handsome.
On the other hand, they intimidate me, and I feel my confidence
draining away. What is the best way I can overcome this? How should
I approach those types of men?
I hope this doesn't end in a junk mail.
Love,
Brenda (Cotulla, TX)
=====
Hello Brenda:
First of all, of COURSE your e-mail isn't going to end up in my
junk mail! I read every single message y'all send me.
That said, thank you for your wonderful report.
I just love hearing from women all over the world whose lives
are being transformed. You say you feel as if you have only been
transformed halfway, but just take a look at how far you've come!
Knowing you've come this far down the path makes the light at the
end of the proverbial tunnel seem ever closer, doesn't it?
It's perfectly natural for us to be amazed by and attracted to men
who are confident and popular with other women.
We women know what we like, and when a man has lots of options when
it comes to women it's usually for good reason--especially if he is
attracting high-quality women.
In many ways, it all hearkens back to what we discussed last time
also. Really, when you get right down to it, when a man seems a
bit harder to catch, it makes us want to CATCH him all the more,
doesn't it?
Still, your mind isn't playing tricks on you, I'm sure. There are
some great men out there.
So how do you go about meeting them?
For starters, I think you already realize that you are going to
need to build your confidence back up in order to get the attention
of the men you want to attract.
As always, it seems, this is about DESERVING WHAT YOU WANT.
Those confident men will not settle for a woman who isn't
confident. Nor should they.
So here are three simple steps to gaining confidence:
1) Understand that you only see the world through your own eyes
You know all your strengths,weaknesses, frailties and "oops"
moments you'd like to forget about.
And you know them intimately.
But as you see others moving about and having their being, you
aren't able to see deep inside their souls the way you can see into
yours.
As such it's really, really easy to automatically assume that
others don't have the faults or haven't made the mistakes we have.
But invariably, everyone has his or her own set of insecurities and
skeletons in the proverbial closet. Realizing that others may see
their own imperfections as clearly as you see yours can put things
into perspective for you.
More importantly, that perspective can free your mind from feeling
inadequate and help you recognize your place at the banquet of human
contribution. Cool, huh?
2) Focus on your strengths, and share your gifts freely with
the world
Everyone is good at something.
When you have a clear idea of what that is and understand the value
of that gift to others, you can become more empowered to share with
others.
Once you start hearing similar sentiments of thanks and/or
appreciation from those around, you must have the presence of mind
to accept that your value to others is very real.
From there, your inner strength will grow more and more even as you
share with others.
The only alternative is to turn your thoughts inward and doubt your
worth. Unfortunately, most who take this route never even tested
their assumptions...which is almost always a tragic thing.
3) Stop seeing simple interactions as "life or death" endeavors
Why not simple say "hello" or in some other way start interacting
with those you meet--even if they ARE devastatingly handsome men?
What is the worst that can happen?
If he's rude then let's face it, you've saved yourself a world of
grief by not dealing with a jerk, right?
On the other hand, if he's friendly towards you think how good you
will feel inside. It sure beats that gnawing feeling of regret.
But here's even more good news.
If you can learn to treat everyone with grace and dignity, regardless
of who they are, your entire social skillset will dramatically
benefit.
And to your delight, you'll probably find that most men nowadays
still believe in taking the first step when it comes to interacting
with women.
Simply being more friendly and approachable can do wonders.
Sometimes shyness or lack of confidence can come across as
snobbery--which is far from what you intend, I'm sure.
Men always write Scot and I telling us they wish women were more
approachable. Here's your golden chance!
I'm excited for you. I believe you are much closer to a major
breakthrough than you think...
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
=====
Even as I wrote my answer to Brenda, I realize that gaining true
confidence is easier said than done.
It is incredibly important though. Without confidence we are at a
major disadvantage when it comes to getting what we want as women.
In order to be the empowered yet feminine 21st century woman,
confidence is simply a MUST.
That's why I've devoted an entire section of my Click With Him
program to confidence.
In fact, you'll also find sections in my program on how to identify
"Mr. Right", how to be a sensual yet classy woman, how to eliminate
hidden detractors from success and even how to be the kind of woman
that men commit to.
It's all in there. And you can get your copy for 50% OFF right now,
and even take a full three months to pay for it if you'd like.
No coupon is necessary. All you have to do is click on this link to
find out all that's included and snap up your copy:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/50off
I haven't even mentioned the hours and hours of heartfelt audio and
even video I've included In Click With Him to help you succeed
online...in as little as THIRTY DAYS.
But that's the beauty of how the program has been designed. I want
you to find and attract the greatest men you've ever met...ONLINE
OR OFFLINE.
Most of all, I want you to be able to keep him in you life for as
long as you like, without ever having to deal with "flakes" and
"disappearing acts" ever again:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/50Off
It's time to become the confident woman you dream of being and go
get your man!
I'll type atcha again soon. Until then...
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
=====
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2012. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
=====
IN THIS EDITION: It's hard enough to find a great man out there. So
what's a woman to do when she finally identifies a great man but
just doesn't have the confidence to start an interaction? Here are
some practical steps!
=====
HOW CAN I BUILD MY CONFIDENCE?
Hello Emily,
I love reading your dating newsletters- they're so informative. It's
all thanks to you that I've changed my view towards men.
Before, I was so shy, feeling not so perfect on the outside, waiting
for someone to approach me. Well, in short, I was a wallflower.
Now, I've changed myself, half way as it seems.
I've learned to feel comfortable hanging around most men and flirting
with them.
The only problem is, I still keep a distance from confident men who
are often popular and surrounded by other women.
I find those kind of men, powerful, attractive and even handsome.
On the other hand, they intimidate me, and I feel my confidence
draining away. What is the best way I can overcome this? How should
I approach those types of men?
I hope this doesn't end in a junk mail.
Love,
Brenda (Cotulla, TX)
=====
Hello Brenda:
First of all, of COURSE your e-mail isn't going to end up in my
junk mail! I read every single message y'all send me.
That said, thank you for your wonderful report.
I just love hearing from women all over the world whose lives
are being transformed. You say you feel as if you have only been
transformed halfway, but just take a look at how far you've come!
Knowing you've come this far down the path makes the light at the
end of the proverbial tunnel seem ever closer, doesn't it?
It's perfectly natural for us to be amazed by and attracted to men
who are confident and popular with other women.
We women know what we like, and when a man has lots of options when
it comes to women it's usually for good reason--especially if he is
attracting high-quality women.
In many ways, it all hearkens back to what we discussed last time
also. Really, when you get right down to it, when a man seems a
bit harder to catch, it makes us want to CATCH him all the more,
doesn't it?
Still, your mind isn't playing tricks on you, I'm sure. There are
some great men out there.
So how do you go about meeting them?
For starters, I think you already realize that you are going to
need to build your confidence back up in order to get the attention
of the men you want to attract.
As always, it seems, this is about DESERVING WHAT YOU WANT.
Those confident men will not settle for a woman who isn't
confident. Nor should they.
So here are three simple steps to gaining confidence:
1) Understand that you only see the world through your own eyes
You know all your strengths,weaknesses, frailties and "oops"
moments you'd like to forget about.
And you know them intimately.
But as you see others moving about and having their being, you
aren't able to see deep inside their souls the way you can see into
yours.
As such it's really, really easy to automatically assume that
others don't have the faults or haven't made the mistakes we have.
But invariably, everyone has his or her own set of insecurities and
skeletons in the proverbial closet. Realizing that others may see
their own imperfections as clearly as you see yours can put things
into perspective for you.
More importantly, that perspective can free your mind from feeling
inadequate and help you recognize your place at the banquet of human
contribution. Cool, huh?
2) Focus on your strengths, and share your gifts freely with
the world
Everyone is good at something.
When you have a clear idea of what that is and understand the value
of that gift to others, you can become more empowered to share with
others.
Once you start hearing similar sentiments of thanks and/or
appreciation from those around, you must have the presence of mind
to accept that your value to others is very real.
From there, your inner strength will grow more and more even as you
share with others.
The only alternative is to turn your thoughts inward and doubt your
worth. Unfortunately, most who take this route never even tested
their assumptions...which is almost always a tragic thing.
3) Stop seeing simple interactions as "life or death" endeavors
Why not simple say "hello" or in some other way start interacting
with those you meet--even if they ARE devastatingly handsome men?
What is the worst that can happen?
If he's rude then let's face it, you've saved yourself a world of
grief by not dealing with a jerk, right?
On the other hand, if he's friendly towards you think how good you
will feel inside. It sure beats that gnawing feeling of regret.
But here's even more good news.
If you can learn to treat everyone with grace and dignity, regardless
of who they are, your entire social skillset will dramatically
benefit.
And to your delight, you'll probably find that most men nowadays
still believe in taking the first step when it comes to interacting
with women.
Simply being more friendly and approachable can do wonders.
Sometimes shyness or lack of confidence can come across as
snobbery--which is far from what you intend, I'm sure.
Men always write Scot and I telling us they wish women were more
approachable. Here's your golden chance!
I'm excited for you. I believe you are much closer to a major
breakthrough than you think...
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
=====
Even as I wrote my answer to Brenda, I realize that gaining true
confidence is easier said than done.
It is incredibly important though. Without confidence we are at a
major disadvantage when it comes to getting what we want as women.
In order to be the empowered yet feminine 21st century woman,
confidence is simply a MUST.
That's why I've devoted an entire section of my Click With Him
program to confidence.
In fact, you'll also find sections in my program on how to identify
"Mr. Right", how to be a sensual yet classy woman, how to eliminate
hidden detractors from success and even how to be the kind of woman
that men commit to.
It's all in there. And you can get your copy for 50% OFF right now,
and even take a full three months to pay for it if you'd like.
No coupon is necessary. All you have to do is click on this link to
find out all that's included and snap up your copy:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/50off
I haven't even mentioned the hours and hours of heartfelt audio and
even video I've included In Click With Him to help you succeed
online...in as little as THIRTY DAYS.
But that's the beauty of how the program has been designed. I want
you to find and attract the greatest men you've ever met...ONLINE
OR OFFLINE.
Most of all, I want you to be able to keep him in you life for as
long as you like, without ever having to deal with "flakes" and
"disappearing acts" ever again:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/50Off
It's time to become the confident woman you dream of being and go
get your man!
I'll type atcha again soon. Until then...
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
=====
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2012. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.