[X&Y Emily] What To Do If You Think He Likes You...And Still Doesn't Ask You Out
Published: Sat, 05/05/12
EMILY McKAY'S KEYS TO BLISS NEWSLETTER
=====
IN THIS ISSUE: How frustrating is it when you know you have so much
to offer a great man...but they just won't come and introduce
themselves?
And worse...what if you think he really likes you and STILL doesn't
ask for your number?
=====
This week, Scot got a question from Carolyn. We don't know where
she lives, but it was such a great question that I've decided to
share Scot's answer to her with you this week.
Basically, she wants to know why men don't often walk up and introduce
themselves, and why they don't even ask for a phone number when
they SEEM INTERESTED.
Somehow, hearing the answer right from a man's mouth really makes a
difference. Enjoy!
=====
I THINK HE WAS INTERESTED, BUT HE *STILL* DIDN'T ASK!
Dear Mr. McKay,
First off let me say that I love listening to X & Y on the Fly. I have
=====
IN THIS ISSUE: How frustrating is it when you know you have so much
to offer a great man...but they just won't come and introduce
themselves?
And worse...what if you think he really likes you and STILL doesn't
ask for your number?
=====
This week, Scot got a question from Carolyn. We don't know where
she lives, but it was such a great question that I've decided to
share Scot's answer to her with you this week.
Basically, she wants to know why men don't often walk up and introduce
themselves, and why they don't even ask for a phone number when
they SEEM INTERESTED.
Somehow, hearing the answer right from a man's mouth really makes a
difference. Enjoy!
=====
I THINK HE WAS INTERESTED, BUT HE *STILL* DIDN'T ASK!
Dear Mr. McKay,
First off let me say that I love listening to X & Y on the Fly. I have
gleaned a lot of information from both you and your wife and I
appreciate your dedication to it.
I actually have two questions, and hopefully they are not too much
to ask.
First, how do I get guys to actually approach me? I am 26 and not
unattractive as I have had people say I am quite pretty. But
seriously, I have only had a handful of men approach me.
The ones that do approach me are the derelicts of the town. The
ones that are like bikers or just really not the greatest.
Second question. A nice guy delivered a stove/range last week.
And he was really watching me, but we never got a chance to
exchange names or numbers.
How do you go about letting a guy know you are really interested?
I am kind of lost. The guy looked like he was just about to ask for
my number but then stopped.
Help, please. I honestly don't know what I am doing wrong. I am
naturally shy, but I am willing to make a move if I need to.
Sincerely,
Carolyn
PS. Please tell your wife I enjoy all she has to say on X & Y on
the Fly. I love listening to the both of you.
=====
Hello Carolyn:
This is something that Emily talks A LOT about on Attraction
Makeover, and that the guys I had the roundtable with for that
program spent some time discussing also.
The thing to ALWAYS remember about guys is that most of us are
really, really afraid to approach women. We just flat-out don't
want to be rejected.
I realize that most women might not fully realize how big an issue
this really is.
But with all the "sensitivity training" and "sexual harassment
seminars" we attend at work in this day and age, we've really been
programmed to believe that showing any "interest" toward a woman is
tantamount to a criminal act.
On top of that, most of us guys aren't quite into reading subtle
hints.
Put it all together and the basic result is that most women don't
exactly have tons of men hitting on them all day...except maybe the
ones who brazenly "don't care" and perhaps lack any semblance of
social skill, as you've seen first-hand, right?
In fact, whereas most women tend to believe (according to Emily)
that the 95%+ of guys who don't take the time to meet them were
probably uninterested, the truth is most of them probably ARE
interested...they just lack the guts or the proper strategy to get
the job done.
For example, you were likely very correct in assessing that your
delivery man was interested in you. But without a VERY direct hint
from you, he would NEVER ask you out.
Why?
Because in his mind, were he to "harass" you like that it could cost
him his job!
So what's a woman to do?
After all, you don't want to come off as "forward".
Besides, you probably want a REAL man who takes the lead. You don't
want to have to ask him out yourself--that's HIS job, right?
Well, it's actually easier to affect the desired result than you
think.
First, always SMILE. Stone-faced women tend to look busy or
preoccupied, if not downright angry about something. Meanwhile,
it's harder to envision a smiling woman biting our heads off if we
approach her.
Second, and along the same lines, SLOW YOUR PACE. If you are rushing
from place to place and always sort of stressed out about it, men
are going to think they are bothering you should they attempt to
communicate with you.
Third, MAKE CONVERSATION. If you are talking in a friendly tone to
those around you, even if at a coffee shop or the department store,
you thereby demonstrate that you are "approachable".
Finally, don't be afraid to MAKE EYE CONTACT, and give a warm smile
when you do.
Many guys may look down at the floor when you do this, but that's an
unfortunate result of many guys' programming to feel shame over being
sexually interested in any woman.
Realize that if he doesn't reciprocate, it's equally likely to mean
he LIKES you as otherwise. Strange I know, but true.
If you want to go ahead and "make a move" as you mentioned, simply
say "hello". It's hard to see that as "forward" or inappropriate
in any way.
And if you have a situation where you really think the guy is
interested but isn't acting upon it, like you sensed with the
delivery guy, you can try this.
I call it "asking for a question" or A4Q.
If you sense he really wants to get your number but something is
apparently holding him back, try saying: "You seem as if you
might want to ask me something. Was there something you wanted to
ask me?"
This is a MAGICAL strategy for women to use because it does several
great things.
First, it welcomes his interest.
Second, it still leaves the "leadership" ball in his court...you
don't take the proverbial "bull by the horns" and actually ask him
out.
And third, there's nothing overtly suggestive or un-ladylike at all
about it.
By the way, A4Q is also tremendously helpful if you think a first
kiss needs to happen and the guy just isn't going for it.
Obviously, it's difficult to tell exactly what may be going on in
your case without direct observation. But I'm 99.99% sure that
something I've mentioned will ring a bell for you.
And one more thing...the fact that you are considered attractive
may make things even MORE DIFFICULT for men in this area,
ironically enough.
If you see lots of what I'd call "quick hits" like comments about
how nice you look, doors being held for you, etc.--but NO requests
for dates or phone numbers--that just proves that the guys are
flat-out scared of you. It's true!
Thanks for writing. Obviously, your questions were not at all too
much to ask. We're here to help, and we aim to please.
Keep listening to the podcasts, and you're in great hands here with
Emily. I will most certainly give her your message.
Cheers,
Scot McKay
=====
YES Carolyn, I did indeed receive the message...LOL Thank you for
your kind words. You seem very sweet.
Now you heard him mention Attraction Makeover. Sure, everything you
could possibly want on how to be the kind of woman who guys are
REALLY attracted to--inside AND out--is in there.
But one of the coolest things is you get even MORE insight directly
from Scot AND his friends on what guys REALLY think.
No guesswork. No conjecture. Just REAL ANSWERS, frankly spoken by
REAL GUYS.
And Scot hand-selected the guys he knows who are the dating experts
with GREAT HEARTS and HONORABLE INTENTIONS toward women.
Where else are you going to get that kind of inside information?
It's all in Attraction Makeover:
http://www.attraction-makeover.com/subscribers
Attraction Makeover is still brand new, of course. Lots of you
have already gotten you own copy and are sending back great feedback
and even some success stories already.
So isn't it time you got in on the fun for yourself? Summer is
just around the corner. Why not get the RIGHT guy to take notice
of you?
http://www.attraction-makeover.com/subscribers
Remember, you can even get your first month of Keys To Bliss for
f-r-e-e when you get Attraction Makeover.
Have a great week, and I'll write to you again soon. Remember, you
can always send your questions to me at emily@clickwithhim.com, and
you might see your answer in THIS very newsletter.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
P.S. I haven't talked about my special coupon for single moms and
full-time students lately. We definitely still have a way to make
it MUCH EASIER for you to get Attraction Makeover or Click With Him.
Just write me and let me know you're out there!
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2012. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
I actually have two questions, and hopefully they are not too much
to ask.
First, how do I get guys to actually approach me? I am 26 and not
unattractive as I have had people say I am quite pretty. But
seriously, I have only had a handful of men approach me.
The ones that do approach me are the derelicts of the town. The
ones that are like bikers or just really not the greatest.
Second question. A nice guy delivered a stove/range last week.
And he was really watching me, but we never got a chance to
exchange names or numbers.
How do you go about letting a guy know you are really interested?
I am kind of lost. The guy looked like he was just about to ask for
my number but then stopped.
Help, please. I honestly don't know what I am doing wrong. I am
naturally shy, but I am willing to make a move if I need to.
Sincerely,
Carolyn
PS. Please tell your wife I enjoy all she has to say on X & Y on
the Fly. I love listening to the both of you.
=====
Hello Carolyn:
This is something that Emily talks A LOT about on Attraction
Makeover, and that the guys I had the roundtable with for that
program spent some time discussing also.
The thing to ALWAYS remember about guys is that most of us are
really, really afraid to approach women. We just flat-out don't
want to be rejected.
I realize that most women might not fully realize how big an issue
this really is.
But with all the "sensitivity training" and "sexual harassment
seminars" we attend at work in this day and age, we've really been
programmed to believe that showing any "interest" toward a woman is
tantamount to a criminal act.
On top of that, most of us guys aren't quite into reading subtle
hints.
Put it all together and the basic result is that most women don't
exactly have tons of men hitting on them all day...except maybe the
ones who brazenly "don't care" and perhaps lack any semblance of
social skill, as you've seen first-hand, right?
In fact, whereas most women tend to believe (according to Emily)
that the 95%+ of guys who don't take the time to meet them were
probably uninterested, the truth is most of them probably ARE
interested...they just lack the guts or the proper strategy to get
the job done.
For example, you were likely very correct in assessing that your
delivery man was interested in you. But without a VERY direct hint
from you, he would NEVER ask you out.
Why?
Because in his mind, were he to "harass" you like that it could cost
him his job!
So what's a woman to do?
After all, you don't want to come off as "forward".
Besides, you probably want a REAL man who takes the lead. You don't
want to have to ask him out yourself--that's HIS job, right?
Well, it's actually easier to affect the desired result than you
think.
First, always SMILE. Stone-faced women tend to look busy or
preoccupied, if not downright angry about something. Meanwhile,
it's harder to envision a smiling woman biting our heads off if we
approach her.
Second, and along the same lines, SLOW YOUR PACE. If you are rushing
from place to place and always sort of stressed out about it, men
are going to think they are bothering you should they attempt to
communicate with you.
Third, MAKE CONVERSATION. If you are talking in a friendly tone to
those around you, even if at a coffee shop or the department store,
you thereby demonstrate that you are "approachable".
Finally, don't be afraid to MAKE EYE CONTACT, and give a warm smile
when you do.
Many guys may look down at the floor when you do this, but that's an
unfortunate result of many guys' programming to feel shame over being
sexually interested in any woman.
Realize that if he doesn't reciprocate, it's equally likely to mean
he LIKES you as otherwise. Strange I know, but true.
If you want to go ahead and "make a move" as you mentioned, simply
say "hello". It's hard to see that as "forward" or inappropriate
in any way.
And if you have a situation where you really think the guy is
interested but isn't acting upon it, like you sensed with the
delivery guy, you can try this.
I call it "asking for a question" or A4Q.
If you sense he really wants to get your number but something is
apparently holding him back, try saying: "You seem as if you
might want to ask me something. Was there something you wanted to
ask me?"
This is a MAGICAL strategy for women to use because it does several
great things.
First, it welcomes his interest.
Second, it still leaves the "leadership" ball in his court...you
don't take the proverbial "bull by the horns" and actually ask him
out.
And third, there's nothing overtly suggestive or un-ladylike at all
about it.
By the way, A4Q is also tremendously helpful if you think a first
kiss needs to happen and the guy just isn't going for it.
Obviously, it's difficult to tell exactly what may be going on in
your case without direct observation. But I'm 99.99% sure that
something I've mentioned will ring a bell for you.
And one more thing...the fact that you are considered attractive
may make things even MORE DIFFICULT for men in this area,
ironically enough.
If you see lots of what I'd call "quick hits" like comments about
how nice you look, doors being held for you, etc.--but NO requests
for dates or phone numbers--that just proves that the guys are
flat-out scared of you. It's true!
Thanks for writing. Obviously, your questions were not at all too
much to ask. We're here to help, and we aim to please.
Keep listening to the podcasts, and you're in great hands here with
Emily. I will most certainly give her your message.
Cheers,
Scot McKay
=====
YES Carolyn, I did indeed receive the message...LOL Thank you for
your kind words. You seem very sweet.
Now you heard him mention Attraction Makeover. Sure, everything you
could possibly want on how to be the kind of woman who guys are
REALLY attracted to--inside AND out--is in there.
But one of the coolest things is you get even MORE insight directly
from Scot AND his friends on what guys REALLY think.
No guesswork. No conjecture. Just REAL ANSWERS, frankly spoken by
REAL GUYS.
And Scot hand-selected the guys he knows who are the dating experts
with GREAT HEARTS and HONORABLE INTENTIONS toward women.
Where else are you going to get that kind of inside information?
It's all in Attraction Makeover:
http://www.attraction-makeover.com/subscribers
Attraction Makeover is still brand new, of course. Lots of you
have already gotten you own copy and are sending back great feedback
and even some success stories already.
So isn't it time you got in on the fun for yourself? Summer is
just around the corner. Why not get the RIGHT guy to take notice
of you?
http://www.attraction-makeover.com/subscribers
Remember, you can even get your first month of Keys To Bliss for
f-r-e-e when you get Attraction Makeover.
Have a great week, and I'll write to you again soon. Remember, you
can always send your questions to me at emily@clickwithhim.com, and
you might see your answer in THIS very newsletter.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
P.S. I haven't talked about my special coupon for single moms and
full-time students lately. We definitely still have a way to make
it MUCH EASIER for you to get Attraction Makeover or Click With Him.
Just write me and let me know you're out there!
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2012. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.