[X&Y Emily] "How Can I Build My Confidence?" <--Here Are 3 Steps

Published: Sat, 10/06/12

EMILY McKAY'S KEYS TO BLISS NEWSLETTER


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IN THIS EDITION:  It's hard enough to find a great man out there. So
what's a woman to do when she finally identifies a great man but
just doesn't have the confidence to start an interaction?  Here are
some practical steps.

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MEN EXPLAIN THEIR DEEPEST FEELINGS TO YOU


Hello Ladies, Scot here.  We'll get back to Emily's "regularly
scheduled programming" in just a sec, but first I have something
important to mention.

Every day Emily's inbox is flooded with questions from women just
like you asking why the men in their lives do such confusing (and
frustrating) things.

We've see it both from women who are dating and women who've been
married for years.

Between you and me, I can fully understand how men's behavior would
be baffling to women.

But it doesn't have to be...not anymore, at least:



Read His Mind



I have to say, my friend Robert Ford (who we've known for years)
has come up with a genius way to get real men to pour out their
deepest thoughts and feelings so you know exactly how to understand
them.

Here's a secret you should know, but that not a lot of men will
admit to:  When we feel you really understand us we become
CONNECTED to you on a much deeper level...

And this deep connection is what makes us want to be WITH YOU over
any other woman.  It's because you "get" us.

Truly understanding men really is the key to attracting and keeping
an amazing man forever:



Read His Mind



I mean, think about it.  This isn't a gender-specific thing, is it?
When a man truly understands your thoughts, needs and feelings
doesn't that make you adore him all the more?

It's really unfortunate that most of us just don't understand MOTOS
(members of the opposite sex) well enough to build this lasting
connection.  Welcome to why so many relationships fail today.

But if you read what Robert has discovered and take advantage of
the secrets he reveals, then you'll be one of the fortunate few
women who has a deep, loving, lasting connection with an amazing
man:



Read His Mind



Truthfully, if the guys I work with didn't keep me so busy, I would
have LOVED to have put together something similar to this for you.
Robert is right on the money, though, so I'm glad he got the job
done for you.  Check it out...



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HOW CAN I BUILD MY CONFIDENCE?


Hello Emily,

I love reading your dating newsletters--they're so informative.

It's all thanks to you that I've changed my view towards men.

Before, I was so shy, feeling not so perfect on the outside,
waiting for someone to approach me.  Well, in short, I was a
wallflower.

Now I've changed myself, but only half way as it seems.

I've learned to feel comfortable hanging around most men and
flirting with them.

The only problem is, I still keep a distance from confident men who
are often popular and surrounded by other women.

I find those kind of men powerful, attractive and even handsome.

On the other hand, they intimidate me and I feel my confidence
draining away.  What is the best way I can overcome this?  

How should I interact with those types of men?

I hope this doesn't end in a junk mail.


Love,

Brenda (Cotulla, TX)



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Hello Brenda:

First of all, of COURSE your e-mail isn't going to end up in my
junk mail!  I read every single message y'all send me.

Thank you for your wonderful report.  I just love hearing from
women all over the world whose lives are getting so much better.  

You say you feel as if you have only been transformed halfway,
but just take a look at how far you've come!

Knowing you've come this far down the path makes the light at the
end of the proverbial tunnel seem ever closer, doesn't it?

It's perfectly natural for us to be amazed by and attracted to men
who are confident and popular with other women.  

We women know what we like, and when a man has lots of options when
it comes to women it's usually for good reason--especially if he is
attracting high-quality women.

Really, when you get right down to it, when a man seems a bit more
difficult to catch, it makes us want to CATCH him all the more,
doesn't it?

Still, your mind isn't playing tricks on you, I'm sure.  There are
some great men out there.

So how do you go about meeting them?

For starters, I think you already realize that you are going to
need to build your confidence back up in order to get the attention
of the men you want to attract.

As always, it seems, this is about DESERVING WHAT YOU WANT.

Those confident men will not settle for a woman who isn't
confident.  Nor should they.

So here are three simple steps to gaining confidence:



1)  Understand that you only see the world through your own eyes


You know all your strengths,weaknesses, frailties and "oops"
moments you'd like to forget about.  

And you know them intimately.

But as you see others moving about and having their being, you
aren't able to see deep inside their souls the way you can see into
yours.

As such it's really, really easy to automatically assume that
others don't have the faults or haven't made the mistakes we have.  

But invariably, everyone has his or her own set of insecurities and
proverbial skeletons in the closet.  Realizing that others may see
their own imperfections as clearly as you see yours can put things
into perspective for you.  

More importantly, that perspective can free your mind from feeling
inadequate and help you recognize your place at the banquet of
human contribution.  Cool, huh?



2)  Focus on your strengths, and share your giftedness freely with
the world


Everyone is good at something.  

When you have a clear idea of what that is and understand the value
of that gift to others, you can become more empowered to share with
others.  

Once you start hearing similar sentiments of thanks and/or
appreciation from those around, you must have the presence of mind
to accept that your value to others is very real.  

From there, your inner strength will grow more and more even as you
share with others.

The only alternative is to turn your thoughts inward and doubt your
worth.  Unfortunately, most who take this route never even tested
their assumptions...which is almost always a tragic thing.



3)  Stop seeing simple interactions as "life or death" situations


Why not simple say "hello" or in some other way start interacting
with those you meet--even if they ARE devastatingly handsome men?
What is the worst that can happen?  

If he's rude then let's face it, you've saved yourself a world of
grief by not dealing with a jerk, right?  

On the other hand, if he's friendly towards you think how good you
will feel inside.  It sure beats that gnawing feeling of regret.

But here's even more good news.  

If you can learn to treat everyone with grace and dignity,
regardless of who they are, your entire social life will
dramatically benefit.  

And to your delight, you'll probably find that most men nowadays
still believe in taking the first step when it comes to interacting
with women.

Simply being more friendly and approachable can do wonders.
 
Sometimes shyness or lack of confidence can come across as
snobbery--which is far from what you intend, I'm sure.  

Men always write Scot and me telling us they wish women were more
approachable.  Here's your golden chance!

I'm excited for you.  I believe you are much closer to a major
breakthrough than you think.


Have Fun,

Emily McKay




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