[X&Y Emily] "What If He Looks At Other Women?" (Reader Question)
Published: Mon, 12/17/12
EMILY McKAY'S KEYS TO BLISS NEWSLETTER
=====
IN THIS EDITION: What if your guy looks at other women? What's
reasonable and how much is TOO much? Read on for answers...
=====
BECAUSE THIS SHOULD BE WAY TOO MUCH FUN
Have you still been putting off trying online dating?
Let me tell you, it's an amazing feeling to log into your
computer and find a bunch of new messages from all sorts of
guys who are hoping to get the chance to ADORE you.
YES...there are great men on sites like Match.com (I married
one!) and the best news ever is that they really want to
meet YOU.
Yet, I hear from plenty of women who are either too scared to
try it or who've tried it in the past...only to get, well...
different results than they had hoped.
Well, let me assure you that your fabulous self IS going to
be in high demand by high quality men...BUT (and this is
a "biggee") you've GOT to know what it takes to get their
attention.
Do you need to be a former prom queen? Nope.
Do you have to work out a little more before you can get
started? Definitely not.
Do you have to put up with creeps, weirdos and other
"disappointing" guys? Not if I can help it.
The Holiday Season is HERE, ladies, and it's time to meet the
man of your dreams--maybe even in time to ring in the new
year with him.
Join the movement that so many women are already a part of.
Discover the secrets in my Click With Him program and start
HAVING FUN again, for a change:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/50off
It's SO thrilling to get messages from cute and funny guys,
and it's amazing to feel the "butterflies" in anticipation
of a great first date.
You'll feel almost like you're in high school again.
How sure am I that you'll LOVE online dating once I show you
the secrets?
SO sure that I'll not only give you the chance to try Click
With Him risk free for up to a whole year, I'll let you have
it for half-price:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/50off
There's no coupon necessary. Simply click the link above and
let the fun begin...all for less than a month's gym membership,
and with a LOT less sweat!
=====
WHAT IF MY GUY LOOKS AT OTHER WOMEN?
Emily,
I really like your Click With Him program.
What is your advice about what I should say to my fiance who looks
back at other women, checking them out after they have passed?
He never flirts with other women or makes eye contact with them in
a flirting way, or appears to try to let them know he is looking at
them.
I told him that it hurts me. He said the other women don't mean
anything to him.
He remembered for a while but then went back to it after a month
went by. He's extremely sacrificing for me in other ways.
Sandra (Louisville, KY)
=====
Hello Sandra, and thank you for writing me. Congratulations on
your engagement!
I understand how you feel. But without really knowing you or your
fiancé very well, I can only give some ideas as to what may be
going on.
I have been in a relationship in the past with a man who was very
blatant about looking at other women. And yes, it hurt me too.
I felt as if I did everything possible to be an attractive
woman--inside and out. As such, I believed I did not deserve that
kind of disrespect. Then again, who does?
The bottom line is he wanted a woman with a huge chest and who was
tall like a model. I'm only 5'1" and at that time I was a size "A".
One time he actually went so far as to follow a woman at the
grocery store with his mouth hung open...literally.
In his defense she was in shorts that showed her butt cheeks and a
top that showed her mid section and most of her breasts. Everyone
noticed her...men and women alike!
Long story short, if your fiancé is brazen enough to habitually
gawk at other women in your very presence, don't plan on his
behavior changing.
It's one of those things...you either choose to put up with or
find someone more respectful who considers you more desirable
than other women.
Now you know by now that I don't ever, ever recommend "settling"
for less in a man than you want.
Let's face it, though--it's unreasonable to expect to cure a man of
looking at any other woman...ever.
But the fact remains. If he has not "settled" for you and esteems
you above other women he will indeed respect you enough not to
openly lust after other women...either in your presence or when the
two of you are apart.
Appreciation of female beauty is one thing, and in a perfect world
a man and a woman who are partners can still acknowledge that there
are indeed attractive people on Earth besides the two of them.
But let's take a look at it from another possible angle before
closing the book on this discussion.
The truth is, some women are the jealous type--no matter what a man
does.
Some men live in fear that if a pretty woman walks by, even if he
does NOT look that his wife or girlfriend will get very upset.
A man in this situation can never win. Unfortunately, this kind of
behavior from a woman will drive a man away...usually sooner than
later.
It's hard to live a life where you are always being accused of
cheating or ogling at women when you are innocent.
With that said, remember all men will look to some degree.
Scot indeed notices women, but he does not get whiplash doing so.
And he does not look at the women in a way that openly indicates
that he wants them sexually.
If he had seen the woman my ex and I had saw at the grocery store,
Scot would have noticed her (who could help it?) but he would not
have been drooling over her.
Scot always lets me know how much he loves me. He also tells and
shows me how much he finds me to be the most attractive woman to
him.
As such, I feel safe and secure with him. He does not make me feel
like less of a woman.
But you can't get this kind of feeling from a man naturally by
ruling over him with an iron fist. You've got to be the woman of
his dreams...and by doing so you deserve what you want in a man.
My first suggestion would be to determine if you might be letting
jealous feelings get the best of you. Is your expectation in fact
for your fiancé to never, ever notice another woman at all?
If so, this can be rectified because it's something you have
ultimate control over. Believe you are the kind of woman your
fiancé really wants, and in doing so empower him to remain attracted
to and committed to you forever.
Notwithstanding that, if your fiancé has a legitimately
uncontrollable habit of undressing every woman who passes with his
eyes, my next suggestion is to determine to what degree your
fiancé is causing you to feel uneasy and ask yourself why he is
doing that.
In that case, definitely have a talk with him. There has got to be
communication.
My guess is that he already knows his actions are both
disrespectful and hurtful to you. If he cannot curb his appetite
for the smörgåsbord of women elsewhere, he may very well not be
ready for a committed relationship with you.
A little honesty can go a long way here...and that's exactly what the
two of you need right now.
I wish you both the best. Any time two people who have been living
single lives come together there are always bumps in the road to
iron out. The trick is to make sure those issues are indeed
resolved before it's too late to turn back.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
=====
Did a friend forward you this message? To receive this free
newsletter on finding the right man online OR offline from X & Y
Communications on a regular basis, simply go to:
http://www.keystobliss.com
...and sign up. Or, just email emily@aweber.com. Easy
stuff.
Questions? Ideas? Comments? Send to emily@clickwithhim.com. Your
feedback is welcome. If you like what you read, please feel free
to forward the newsletter to others. That's how we build our
audience!
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2012. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
=====
IN THIS EDITION: What if your guy looks at other women? What's
reasonable and how much is TOO much? Read on for answers...
=====
BECAUSE THIS SHOULD BE WAY TOO MUCH FUN
Have you still been putting off trying online dating?
Let me tell you, it's an amazing feeling to log into your
computer and find a bunch of new messages from all sorts of
guys who are hoping to get the chance to ADORE you.
YES...there are great men on sites like Match.com (I married
one!) and the best news ever is that they really want to
meet YOU.
Yet, I hear from plenty of women who are either too scared to
try it or who've tried it in the past...only to get, well...
different results than they had hoped.
Well, let me assure you that your fabulous self IS going to
be in high demand by high quality men...BUT (and this is
a "biggee") you've GOT to know what it takes to get their
attention.
Do you need to be a former prom queen? Nope.
Do you have to work out a little more before you can get
started? Definitely not.
Do you have to put up with creeps, weirdos and other
"disappointing" guys? Not if I can help it.
The Holiday Season is HERE, ladies, and it's time to meet the
man of your dreams--maybe even in time to ring in the new
year with him.
Join the movement that so many women are already a part of.
Discover the secrets in my Click With Him program and start
HAVING FUN again, for a change:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/50off
It's SO thrilling to get messages from cute and funny guys,
and it's amazing to feel the "butterflies" in anticipation
of a great first date.
You'll feel almost like you're in high school again.
How sure am I that you'll LOVE online dating once I show you
the secrets?
SO sure that I'll not only give you the chance to try Click
With Him risk free for up to a whole year, I'll let you have
it for half-price:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/50off
There's no coupon necessary. Simply click the link above and
let the fun begin...all for less than a month's gym membership,
and with a LOT less sweat!
=====
WHAT IF MY GUY LOOKS AT OTHER WOMEN?
Emily,
I really like your Click With Him program.
What is your advice about what I should say to my fiance who looks
back at other women, checking them out after they have passed?
He never flirts with other women or makes eye contact with them in
a flirting way, or appears to try to let them know he is looking at
them.
I told him that it hurts me. He said the other women don't mean
anything to him.
He remembered for a while but then went back to it after a month
went by. He's extremely sacrificing for me in other ways.
Sandra (Louisville, KY)
=====
Hello Sandra, and thank you for writing me. Congratulations on
your engagement!
I understand how you feel. But without really knowing you or your
fiancé very well, I can only give some ideas as to what may be
going on.
I have been in a relationship in the past with a man who was very
blatant about looking at other women. And yes, it hurt me too.
I felt as if I did everything possible to be an attractive
woman--inside and out. As such, I believed I did not deserve that
kind of disrespect. Then again, who does?
The bottom line is he wanted a woman with a huge chest and who was
tall like a model. I'm only 5'1" and at that time I was a size "A".
One time he actually went so far as to follow a woman at the
grocery store with his mouth hung open...literally.
In his defense she was in shorts that showed her butt cheeks and a
top that showed her mid section and most of her breasts. Everyone
noticed her...men and women alike!
Long story short, if your fiancé is brazen enough to habitually
gawk at other women in your very presence, don't plan on his
behavior changing.
It's one of those things...you either choose to put up with or
find someone more respectful who considers you more desirable
than other women.
Now you know by now that I don't ever, ever recommend "settling"
for less in a man than you want.
Let's face it, though--it's unreasonable to expect to cure a man of
looking at any other woman...ever.
But the fact remains. If he has not "settled" for you and esteems
you above other women he will indeed respect you enough not to
openly lust after other women...either in your presence or when the
two of you are apart.
Appreciation of female beauty is one thing, and in a perfect world
a man and a woman who are partners can still acknowledge that there
are indeed attractive people on Earth besides the two of them.
But let's take a look at it from another possible angle before
closing the book on this discussion.
The truth is, some women are the jealous type--no matter what a man
does.
Some men live in fear that if a pretty woman walks by, even if he
does NOT look that his wife or girlfriend will get very upset.
A man in this situation can never win. Unfortunately, this kind of
behavior from a woman will drive a man away...usually sooner than
later.
It's hard to live a life where you are always being accused of
cheating or ogling at women when you are innocent.
With that said, remember all men will look to some degree.
Scot indeed notices women, but he does not get whiplash doing so.
And he does not look at the women in a way that openly indicates
that he wants them sexually.
If he had seen the woman my ex and I had saw at the grocery store,
Scot would have noticed her (who could help it?) but he would not
have been drooling over her.
Scot always lets me know how much he loves me. He also tells and
shows me how much he finds me to be the most attractive woman to
him.
As such, I feel safe and secure with him. He does not make me feel
like less of a woman.
But you can't get this kind of feeling from a man naturally by
ruling over him with an iron fist. You've got to be the woman of
his dreams...and by doing so you deserve what you want in a man.
My first suggestion would be to determine if you might be letting
jealous feelings get the best of you. Is your expectation in fact
for your fiancé to never, ever notice another woman at all?
If so, this can be rectified because it's something you have
ultimate control over. Believe you are the kind of woman your
fiancé really wants, and in doing so empower him to remain attracted
to and committed to you forever.
Notwithstanding that, if your fiancé has a legitimately
uncontrollable habit of undressing every woman who passes with his
eyes, my next suggestion is to determine to what degree your
fiancé is causing you to feel uneasy and ask yourself why he is
doing that.
In that case, definitely have a talk with him. There has got to be
communication.
My guess is that he already knows his actions are both
disrespectful and hurtful to you. If he cannot curb his appetite
for the smörgåsbord of women elsewhere, he may very well not be
ready for a committed relationship with you.
A little honesty can go a long way here...and that's exactly what the
two of you need right now.
I wish you both the best. Any time two people who have been living
single lives come together there are always bumps in the road to
iron out. The trick is to make sure those issues are indeed
resolved before it's too late to turn back.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
=====
Did a friend forward you this message? To receive this free
newsletter on finding the right man online OR offline from X & Y
Communications on a regular basis, simply go to:
http://www.keystobliss.com
...and sign up. Or, just email emily@aweber.com. Easy
stuff.
Questions? Ideas? Comments? Send to emily@clickwithhim.com. Your
feedback is welcome. If you like what you read, please feel free
to forward the newsletter to others. That's how we build our
audience!
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2012. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.