[X&Y EMILY] Can You Argue Successfully?
Published: Mon, 10/01/07
=====
IN THIS ISSUE: What happens when you argue with a guy you are in a
relationship with? Find out why "arguing successfully" doesn't
necessarily mean being right all the time...
=====
MESSAGE BOARD: www.keystobliss.com/forum
(http://www.keystobliss.com/forum)
MAIN SITE: www.deservewhatyouwant.com
=====
CAN YOU ARGUE SUCCESSFULLY?
Are you facing conflict successfully to make life better for both
you and your partner? Or is winning the fight at the cost of your
relationship really all you want?
Every couple will have disagreements. How the two of you deal with
disagreements is indicative of whether or not you are creating a
healthy relationship or destructive one. How can you squabble so
that both you and your partner can feel that an issue is fixed in
the end, making your relationship stronger? There are some simple
points to remember when disagreeing to make the resolution AND the
relationship both successful:
1. How much you disagree and argue makes a difference in the
success of your relationship. If you argue all the time, you will
be heading to a guaranteed heartbreak. A guy who I once worked
with asked me my opinion about his relationship between him and his
fiancée. Working next to him I could not help but to hear him
argue with her several times every day. Imagine the arguments after
work. I told him that because of all the serious arguments they
were having that I wondered if they were really ready to marry each
other. He was very upset with the answer, of course. Choosing to
ignore a loud and clear sign of trouble, they got married and were
divorced within a year. How sad!
2. Leave the petty things alone, like leaving the toothpaste cap
off or shoes on the floor. There is always something to complain
about. Life is too short to fight about everything. Learn to let
small things go. Look for ways to bring joy to each other rather
than picking on each other regarding the little unimportant things.
When you do argue, save it for something important or potentially
life altering, like how to deal with the kids, whether to move or
stay, or major things that hurt your feelings.
3. Express how you are feeling without blaming the other person.
It is so easy to get on the defensive. When expressing yourself
try to say how an event has made you feel or affected you. You may
say, "correct me if I am wrong but the way I see or perceive XYZ
issue/event is..." Or perhaps, "I love you and I'm sure you love
and care about me, however when ABC happened yesterday I felt..."
Keep in mind your partner wants what is best in life for you,
therefore he maybe completely unaware of what happened. This is a
loving way to give him the opportunity to clear up a
misunderstanding or to correct the issue.
4. Don't let issues fester or reach a boiling point to where you
end up screaming at each other and saying things that are
intentionally hurtful. Long after an argument is over, words can
sometimes be hard to forget and/or forgive. Saying hurtful things
in the heat of anger is the fastest road to destroying a
relationship permanently. Is that what you want?
5. Timing is very important as to whether your discussion will be
successful or turn ugly. Find a time when you both are relaxed and
therefore more open to talking calmly about issues. Having a
serious discussion just after getting home from a really bad day of
work is not productive. Home should always be a place to go to for
a peaceful retreat from the chaos of the jungle. I find a lot of
times a man dreads coming home after work because he knows when he
walks in the door the wife/partner will be there to complain about
something. If you want to put this to the test, visit the local
bar around 5:00 or 6:00 ask the men there their opinion on the
subject of coming home vs. avoiding it! Give your loved one a
chance to unwind, enjoy the peace of home and to recharge before
talking about major issues.
6. Have a discussion not a competition. You don't always have to
be right. If you argue with the goal of being right, you will end
up alone--left to agree with yourself. When you argue it needs to
be with the goal of finding a solution. That means the two of you
need to find a solution together, compromising. That's not always
possible, and after discussing all the positives, negatives and
feelings about the subject, take for example moving to a new city,
someone may have to just simply give in. This is not the
opportunity to try to make it fail so that you can say, "I told you
so". Together as a team you both should work hard to make the
decision successful. How great it is to know your partner is there
to support you or for him to know that you are there to support
him, even if you disagree. Talk about creating appreciation and
admiration. (Can you feel the love?)
7. Be discreet. Do not argue in front of other people. We don't
want to see or hear it. Humiliating your partner is anther way to
make him want to leave. Also it is designed to degrade both you
and your partner. It displays your lack of compassion and love for
one anther. It will never elicit the positive response you truly
need for a happy solution and relationship.
Remember you both want a great relationship, right? So when the
discussion starts to get out of hand remind each other that you
love one anther and that you want to talk to make things better,
not to hurt each other. Then take a breath when ready start
talking with the idea of reaching a solution together. Couples who
have this mastered are very happy, successful people.
Have fun,
Emily
=====
POWER SESSIONS FOR WOMEN: Get a copy of Scot's book Deserve What
You Want and I'll give you your first month of my Power Sessions
For Women series at no charge whatsoever. It's all yours at:
http://www.dating-advise.us/
ONLINE DATING SUCCESS PACKAGE: How is online dating going for you?
Do you feel you should be more successful at it than you are? No
worries...hop on over to http://www.datetoorder.com
(www.datetoorder.com) where we've just begun a special on our
Online Dating Success Package. For about what others charge for a
simple "profile rewrite", we give you personal 1-on-1 training on
every aspect of how to succeed online. Scot and I met online, and
we both had our fair share of Match.com acquaintances at the time we
did. So we know how to make online dating work for you!
WHICH REMINDS ME: The Online Dating Profile Rating podcast is now
brought to you by EliteMate. Find out more about EliteMate at
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/elitemate, and tune in to the
podcast at http://www.xandycommunications.net/main/odpr.htm .
NEW PODCAST--"DATINGCAST": Download all the episodes you can carry
RIGHT NOW on iTunes or at: http://feeds.feedburner.com/datingcast.
Or, you can actually DIAL-A-CAST by calling 305-890-1549. How cool
is that? Give it a try!
TEN-PLUS IS A REAL PLAN OF ACTION: Scot and I once again have
exactly one more open spot available. Ten-Plus is a guided,
structured plan of action for your dating success. If you are
serious about getting your skills with the opposite sex handled,
visit http://www.dating-coaches.com (www.dating-coaches.com).
Email me at emily@datetoorder.com for more info. Your first fifteen
minute consultation is free--decide for yourself. And...we are
still the only ones who stands behind a coaching program with a 100%
guarantee.
DO YOU HAVE A DATING ADVICE WEBSITE OF YOUR OWN: If so, why not
check out our affiliate program? Find out more at
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/affiliates
(www.deservewhatyouwant.com/affiliates)
PODCAST PHONE NUMBERS TO LISTEN IN ON: If you'd like, you can CALL
for the latest episode of our podcasts. This is WAY TOO cool!
X & Y On The Fly
289-466-5002
Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly
Online Dating Profile Rating
305-890-1549
Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/onlinedating
DatingCast
305-890-1549
Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/datingcast
Did a friend forward you this message? To receive this free
newsletter on 21st century dating issues from X & Y Communications
on a regular basis, simply go to http://www.keystobliss.com and
sign up. Or, just email emily@aweber.com. Easy
stuff.
Questions? Ideas? Comments? Send to
emily@datetoorder.com. Your feedback is welcome. If
you like what you read, please feel free to forward the newsletter
to others. That's how we build our audience!
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications, 2007. All Rights Reserved.
Pin Yourself (with a picture and a comment, por favor):
www.frappr.com/xandy (http://www.frappr.com/xandy)
Be My Friend:
www.myspace.com/emilysmckay (http://www.myspace.com/emilysmckay)
Discussion Forum:
www.keystobliss.com/forum
(http://www.keystobliss.com/forum)
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
Our records indicate that at requested information
by e-mail from our company at
Date:
IP: