[X&Y Emily] Are You Stuck On The Wrong Man?
Published: Mon, 01/28/08
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IN THIS ISSUE: Sure, we all see a man from time to time who gives us
butterflies. But what happens when we get too carried away before
we even know what the future holds?
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ARE YOU STUCK ON THE WRONG MAN?
Hi Emily,
My name is Tracey and I live in Ontario, Canada.
At the moment, I am heartbroken over a man. This gorgeous man
and I have been sharing mutually attractive sensors for over a year
now. He works out at my gym.
He knows I'm interested because I asked his Best Friend if he was
single. I knew he was at the time but wanted to feel out his
friend and have him get the word back to him. It worked. He
seemed to be interested although never approached me. He was often
in my proximity.
I am under the impression based on my highly intuitive nature this
man is afraid and shy. He makes my blood boil and my knees shake.
He's 49, never married. I have never gone up to him because I
believe in chivalry and I am not a man chaser. He probably thinks
I'm not interested!
Here is the problem. Lately, I've noticed he's not around at the
same time and I sense he is avoiding me (for good reason) and seems
different to me.
Well, I've just discovered why.
Two nights ago, I was coming down my street and saw him pull into
the twicely divorced blond bombshell's place. She was coming out
the garage to get in the car. He is dating her. She works out at
the gym and leaves very little to a man's imagination in the way
she dresses in her workout attire. She was also just dating
someone whom she would work out with and I haven't seem him lately.
It's new, I'm quite sure of this.
My dilemma: after the initial shock of this discovery and a few
tears, I am certain I now need to go up to him and flirt a bit.
I am an extremely attractive, warm and approachable woman. He is
what I want and I believe the kind of man I deserve.
What do I do? Do I let him go quietly with her or do I take my
shot at him now before he gets too serious about the "man jumper"?
Please tell me what to do Emily!
Tracey
(Ontario, CA)
Hello Tracey,
Thank you for writing me. Brrrr...I bet it's COLD where you live.
Canada is on my list of places to see, though...I know it's
beautiful.
Nice job on having the strength to ask Gym Guy's friend about him.
It's a great way to let him know you are interested. But bear in mind
that you can also initiate small talk with a man without necessarily
coming off as too forward, if being overly flirtatious isn't your style.
That way you can have some direct input without depending on
fate and/or third parties.
All of that said, I'm sorry to inform you that although there's always
the possibility that he has been afraid or shy about approaching you,
the greater likelihood is that he's not interested in you.
It could be that you are not his type. That is a good thing in
this case, perhaps, since if he isn't interested in the kind of
relationship you are he's not YOUR type either.
Now at this point, I'd strongly caution against drawing too many
general conclusions about this man or the woman he is seeing
based on your observational impressions.
The fact that he is 49 and never has been married is the sign that
lets you know that he does not commit, don't expect him to have any
kind of long term relationship with you or another woman. The man
you described is most likely the kind that likes to be with women
with out commitment. Is that the kind of man you want?
There are exceptions, of course, but it sounds as if you have allowed
yourself to be infatuated to the point of considerable emotional
involvement.
And the fact remains you know very little about the kind of man
this is.
My question to you is "what kind of man do you want in your life?"
Are looking for a casual partner or a life long faithful partner?
But that's not the most pressing issue I see at play here.
Problem is that you have put your eggs all in one basket. You feel
hurt, even though you don't have any relationship with him at all.
If you develop interest in other men whom you have actually had the
opportunity to get to know--and who appear to appreciate you-- then
it will not matter that Gym Guy did not show you any attention.
Gym Guy is not the only man on Earth.
Approaching Gym Guy at this point will likely not bring you any
productive results.
Ironically, after having resisted opening a conversation with him
before, you will now appear in a very real way to be chasing him,
which in time will result in him not only avoiding you but also
disliking you.
To be honest, given the depth of information you already have
regarding the comings and goings of he and his new girlfriend, you
may even come off as sort of a stalker. Not so good!
The best thing to do is let him go...and start meeting other men.
Who knows maybe in time he may change his mind and ask you out.
But by then you will be too busy to see Gym Guy because you have
tightened up your priorities and maybe even have found a great man
who adores you to be in your life.
Go out and find a man you deserve.
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CAN YOU DESERVE A GREAT MAN BY VALENTINE'S DAY?
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And how about you, ?
Are you at a point in your life where you'd like to put the obstacles
of the past behind, figure out exactly what you want in a man and how
to GET HIM into your life?
Valentine's Day is only a couple of weeks away. Will you have a
date with a great man?
Don't sit at home again this year.
Instead, get the crash course in deserving and attracting the kind
of man you want.
It's all in the book Deserve What You Want...now in a WOMEN'S VERSION.
You can be reading it and on the path to dating bliss in five
minutes:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women
And...you can get a free month of my Keys To Bliss Audio series for
women just for trying out Deserve What You Want.
New programs come out on the last day of the month, so you can actually
get the current program on "crisis management" AND the brand new one
in a day or two featuring a discussion with Scot on how to read a man's
body language. That's not to be missed.
It's like getting 2-for-1...for free.
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women
Have a great week and I'll talk to you again soon. Keep e-mailing
your questions to "emily@datetoorder.com"
Have fun,
Emily
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