[X&Y Emily] The "Disappearing Act"...Why Do Men Do This?
Published: Tue, 04/08/08
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IN THIS EDITION: He starts talking to you. You respond in a
perfectly friendly manner. Then...POOF!...He's GONE. What happened?
Find out as I answer one of YOUR e-mails.
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THE "DISAPPEARING ACT"...WHY DO MEN DO THIS?
Hi Emily,
Well, I do believe in what you're saying about be deserving in
order to get what you want.
I'm curious.
Last Thursday or so, I got an email from a guy on a personal's
website. I wrote back that evening/night and got another one from
him the next day (last Friday).
I believe he has browsed my profile before, because I've seen his
picture before. I had sent him an icebreaker, but I don't remember
if he had sent me one before that or if I sent the first note.
Anyway, he sounded interested and said that he signed up just to
contact
me. He seemed friendly. He seemed like he wanted to keep writing,
but he kept calling me, "J". I don't know why. My name is
Theresa.
He might have been aiming for "T", just being playful, but I'm not
sure.
He also asked for a picture(s). I could only find 2 of me on this
computer and they weren't the best, but I sent them anyway.
A while back, I had an email thing going with a guy from another
website and he asked for pictures. It took a while for me to get it
to him and he slowly stopped writing or maybe even abruptly.
I figured I'd send a picture right away, so it wouldn't drag out if
he didn't like how I looked. I sent the picture with the response
email and I asked why he kept calling me "J".
Finally this past Tuesday, he wrote back and said that he'd had a
busy weekend and lots of meetings, etc and asked how my weekend
was.
I haven't heard anything since.
Besides that, I go to a university here in Louisiana and he is
taking a class or two at the same school and working on the
school's website, as his job.
I think I know where the office is and I pass it often enough. I've
considered going in to see if Ifind him, but I realize that might
not
be a good idea since if he really wanted to talk to me or email or
meet me, he'd let me know.
He's already emailed me, so he must already have my email address.
Do you have any thoughts or suggestions?
God Bless:)
Tanya
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Hello Tanya:
Well first of all, remember that even as we as women sometimes GET a
lot of e-mails from guys that can only really mean that guys SEND a
lot of e-mails.
You'd be shocked at how good some guys can get at cutting/pasting
the same message over and over to women online while minorly
tweaking each message to appear completely original. Scot tells me
there's even complete training programs for guys on how to do this.
So the bottom line is, unfortunately, you might not have been the
only woman getting those emails from him. There could
theoretically be hundreds.
My guess is that he forgot to change "J" to "Tanya" when he cut the
previous email he sent and pasted it to be sent to you!
I'm also curious as to why you don't have pictures posted. Having
some flattering pictures posted is absolutely critical these days.
Otherwise, you really probably are only getting e-mails from guys
who are cutting/pasting to every woman on the site.
Think about it.
Typically nowadays, with the ubiquity of digital photography, anyone
without pics is either ashamed of his or her appearance or probably
hiding something (marriage, wanted by the law, etc.).
You shouldn't be at all surprised when guys lose interest if you
don't immediately respond with pictures...that almost always
portends sketchy things to them.
If you don't have a digital camera, ask a friend to take some great
pictures of you. Think "warm and confident" when you shoot those.
I agree that if the guy was interested he would have continued
writing, so it would probably be awkward to darken the door of his
office unannounced.
The ONLY exception is that if you really believe your photos were
horribly unflattering. Then, maybe find the guy at his office and
have HIM take some new pics for you since he's obviously techie.
Now THERE's an idea!
Have Fun,
Emily
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So , are you are ready to meet the man of your dreams
...online OR offline?
Wading through how to handle e-mails from guys is just one of many
things you can become a whiz at in no time flat.
There's no better way to make success happen as fast as humanly
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WITH HIM program for women. It's all right here:
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Spring has sprung...LOVE IS IN THERE AIR! Be a part of it...I'm
ready to be right by your side to make it happen.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
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