[X&Y Emily] Should I Try Harder To Make Him Like Me?
Published: Wed, 04/23/08
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DESERVE WHAT YOU WANT (WOMEN'S VERSION):
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women
CLICK WITH HIM:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/online_dating
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IN THIS EDITION: The guy you are dating seems terrific. But he
just isn't calling you very often. And he's requesting to see you
even LESS often. What's a woman to do? Try harder? Give up? Or
is there ANOTHER way?
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SHOULD I TRY HARDER TO MAKE HIM LIKE ME?
Dear Emily McKay,
First of all I want to say that your emails are very interesting to
read.
I would like to ask you about my particular dating issue.
Some time ago I met a guy and we started dating. I like him and he
seems to like me too but I am concerned about how much he likes me.
When we meet he acts nice and fun, but keeps it cool.
Maybe its because he is little bit shy around me. Actually we do not
meet too often like couple times a month and send few SMSes.
So I cant rid of the idea that he just meets with me when he has no
other more interesting plans. At the moment I dont have other dates,
so I keep going out with him.
Well, it is just the beginning as we were dating only for 2 months.
We both are open to date others. I would like to meet with him more
often, but I feel lack of his interest in me, which turns my
enthusiasm off.
Is it better just quit with him or try to increase the interest?
I would be very thankful for your comments.
Lucia (Santiago, Chile)
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Hello Lucia:
First of all, I'm thrilled you are enjoying the newsletters.
You know, your question may be one of the most common ones I
receive on a regular basis.
When a guy doesn't exactly fawn over you, it just makes you think
about him all the time, doesn't it? It makes you want him
MORE...right?
Why is that?
Well, it kind of makes you feel as if you're going to have to earn
his affection. And since the two of you are "open" to dating
others, it tends to cause of feeling of wondering what other women
are vying for his attention.
Most of us as women really aren't so into competition, are we?
Yet, when we know we have a guy who isn't falling for us so
quickly, it makes us all the more intrigued.
Our minds start working overtime trying to plan how we can get him
to understand that the best woman for him is right before his very
eyes...if only he'd "see the light" and figure it out.
So what do we do? Well, we can simply give up, as you've suggested
as one option you are considering.
But nobody wants to be a quitter! That just feels so, well...weak.
On the other hand, however, when a woman recognizes herself as a
great catch and believes herself to be a woman of confidence and a
solid self esteem she feels slightly indignant about the man's
apparent blindness to the situation.
It's with that mindset she might actually choose the SECOND option
you have presented: She'll redouble her efforts to impress him.
In other words, she sets out to PROVE herself.
Perhaps ironically, and certainly contrary to what makes sense,
this determination can actually drive a man away.
It's true. And this isn't a gender-specific thing, either.
Think about it. Have you ever met a man who very quickly became
completely infatuated with you?
Perhaps he called you several times a day, gushed about how wonderful
you are and maybe even bought you expensive gifts.
Or maybe he just seemed to sacrifice everything at your feet...
including his dignity.
Were you MORE attracted to him because of all this?
Probably not.
If you're like most women you were left feeling a bit empty. Almost
as if you felt that if you were able to capture this man's heart,
mind and soul so easily, you could probably do even better.
It's a terrible feeling to realize you're seeing a man in this way,
especially when he's so super nice to you.
But you can't change how you feel.
And were you to chase this man with renewed enthusiasm, my guess is
he would...as I suggested...be driven away.
So what to do?
There's actually a third option.
But I feel I must tell you...it's not the easiest way to go.
If you want him to take more notice of you, you simply have to
become less available. And you have to build other activities into
your life that cause you not to focus on him so much.
Now I fully realize that you already don't see him so much. My
impression is that you don't talk all that often either.
So right now I would have to suppose you aren't the highest
priority in his life.
That doesn't change what I told you, however.
Why is that?
Well it's really all about your ATTITUDE. If you are at his whim
when he DOES call you, he feels you are pretty easy to corral,
cowgirl.
Were you to actually not be available on a night he wants to see
you...or not pick up the phone when he calls...that would clue him
in that you are more of a challenge.
Does this all sound like game playing? Well, if it is all simply
manufactured behavior for the sake of going through the motions,
then it IS just a 'game' .
But if you can successfully consider yourself a woman who DOES have
options when it comes to attracting great men, and who DOES have a
life full of excitement beyond what one guy can provide on an
irregular basis, then the authenticity of who you are will create
genuine intrigue.
If not in this guy, then in many, many others who will find you
irresistible.
And you'll find it happening more and more often.
As for the guy you're seeing, he may or may not respond as you
wish. He's his own person.
But becoming the woman who neither gives up nor chases--but who
rather rests in her desirability---will always be the one who
creates the most natural attraction from men.
Have Fun,
Emily
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Can you relate to Lucia's story?
Why does it have to be SO DIFFICULT to decode the way men behave?
Well, the startling truth is that it really doesn't have to be as
hard as we make it out to be.
In fact, men and women are actually ALIKE in more ways than we may
even realize, as we just considered.
Imagine how your life could be sooooo less stressful--especially
when it comes to men--if only you could understand what it is that
men REALLY want.
We know it can't just be beauty and sex, because there are so many
sexy beauties out there who are MISERABLE...often because of their
broken love lives!
Have you read Scot's book Deserve What You Want yet?
If you haven't, you're missing out on a fantastic way to really, truly
figure out how men and women are alike AND different.
Here's where you can discover what it's all about, and read notes
from women all over the world who are REALLY, REALLY glad they read
it. Some write telling us they couldn't put it down at all--reading
it all the way through in one sitting.
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women
Why does Deserve What You Want have the effect on people that it does?
Let me put it to you this way. When was the last time you saw a
book on dating and relationship advice that was written for BOTH men
AND women?
Those books aren't on the shelves.
Since the First Edition was released in 2006, Scot has actually
made it so there's a Men's Edition AND a Women's Edition...but the
differences are actually relatively slight.
Ultimately, the true secret of deserving what you want is getting
past the obstacles of the past, knowing what you DON'T want in a
partner, knowing what you DO really want, and then knowing how to
GO make that relationship happen.
And that remains true whether you are a man or a woman.
In fact, simply KNOWING the kind of truths Scot talks about in
Deserve What You Want can actually make dating easier almost
immediately.
I'd love to see you start attracting and meeting the kind of great
man you deserve. Getting started is only five minutes away:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women
As always, you are most certainly welcome to try a free month of my
Keys To Bliss For Women audio series when you pick up your copy of
Deserve What You Want.
There are also several more juicy bonuses for you, including some
amazing online dating tips and a super audio program from our cool
friend Marie Forleo.
Have a great week, and I'll talk to you again real soon.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
P.S. Scot and I will have a BRAND NEW X & Y On The Fly Dating
Podcast for you within a day or two. The topic will be "Is It Love?"
and like all podcasts you'll be able to take it with you on your
iPod wherever you go. Stay tuned to:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly
=====
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Questions? Ideas? Comments? Send to emily@clickwithhim.com. Your
feedback is welcome. If you like what you read, please feel free
to forward the newsletter to others. That's how we build our
audience!
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2008. All Rights Reserved.
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It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
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=====
Did a friend forward you this message? To receive this free
newsletter on finding the right man online OR offline from X & Y
Communications on a regular basis, simply go to:
http://www.keystobliss.com
...and sign up. Or, just email emily@aweber.com. Easy
stuff.
Questions? Ideas? Comments? Send to emily@clickwithhim.com. Your
feedback is welcome. If you like what you read, please feel free
to forward the newsletter to others. That's how we build our
audience!
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2008. All Rights Reserved.
Pin Yourself (with a picture and a comment, por favor):
www.frappr.com/xandy (http://www.frappr.com/xandy)
Be My Friend:
www.myspace.com/emilysmckay (http://www.myspace.com/emilysmckay)
Discussion Forum:
www.keystobliss.com/forum
(http://www.keystobliss.com/forum)
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
Our records indicate that at requested information
by e-mail from our company at
Date:
IP: