[X&Y Emily] OK, This Time It's NOT You...It's HIM
Published: Tue, 05/06/08
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DESERVE WHAT YOU WANT (WOMEN'S VERSION):
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women
CLICK WITH HIM:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/online_dating
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IN THIS EDITION: A large percentage of the e-mails I get come from
women who are in relationships with men who are treating them poorly,
yet who somehow manipulate the woman into thinking SHE'S the problem.
Today, with some direct input from Scot, we'll give you REAL STEPS
to being able to tell if it really is HIM instead of YOU who is the
"troublemaker".
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OK, THIS TIME IT'S NOT YOU...IT'S HIM
As you know by now, I really believe in getting a great man by
transforming oneself into the greatest woman possible.
So, I'm not really part of the crowd who blames others (read: "men")
for everything under the sun.
Just like there are women like you who are represent a terrific
stroke of good fortune when you enter a man's life, the best news
ever is that there really are men out there who are equally deserving
of a good woman like you as you are deserving of a great man.
Now, of course, the big job is getting you to believe that, it
seems. Or at least it sure looks that way sometimes
based on the emails I receive.
Considering how many wonderful, talented and smart women out there
are being consumed by relationships that fall far short of what
they deserve, I've decided it's high time to devote a newsletter to
empowering you to break free of guilt and manipulation should you
ever find yourself in a relationship with Mr. Wrong.
You'll get a kick out of this. Last night, while considering the
key indicators that a woman was in a relationship with a man who was
far less than who she deserves, I decided to leave nothing to chance.
There was only one way to get the real, live, unbiased opinion on the
matter.
You guessed it. I asked Scot what HE thought were the top five ways
a woman could tell--definitively--that SHE was not the problem in the
relationship. You know, that it really is HIM and not YOU.
That way, I figured, there wouldn't be any "man bashing" involved.
What you'd be hearing was straight from the source--a man himself.
"Oh, wow. That's a REAL good one", Scot smiled when I asked him.
"This sounds like a great chance to free A LOT of women from some
downright poisonous guys."
If you read his newsletters, that sounds just like him talking,
doesn't it? LOL
OK, well he gave me his list and it's a doozie. Here goes:
1) If You Feel Your Safety Is Compromised
He doesn't necessarily have to be threatening you with physical
violence in order for you to feel uncomfortable.
For example, if he takes you out on the town, but insists on
driving drunk when you ask for the keys, he's not respecting your
safety.
Anytime a guy leads you into a position where you don't feel
completely at ease, it's HIM...not you. Don't be fooled by his
exhortations to "just relax".
When a man who has your best interests at heart tells you "everything
will be okay", he's believable.
2) If He Verbally Abuses You Or Treats You With Lack Of Respect
You do not deserve to be insulted. While I sincerely hope you
don't make a habit out of insulting and disrespecting the man you
are with, nothing entitles a man to be verbally abusive or to fall
short of placing you in high esteem.
If he is so disdainful, why then would he even choose to be with you,
right? What he needs is a different woman. It's not you...it's HIM.
3) If He Pressures You To Do What You Don't Want To Do
Obviously, sexual pressures are the first ones that come to mind
here.
Still, there's WAY more to it than just that. If a man is
consistently suggesting you go places you usually stay away from,
hang out with people you'd rather not and/or partake in activities
that aren't congruent with your character, then you're not the
problem. It's HIM.
4) If His "Female Friends" Are WAY Too "Friendly"
Have you ever started dating a guy who claims that certain women
are "just friends"? But then you find out that they are
accompanying him to social events, being very "touchy/feelie" with
him or even staying the night at his house.
If he has entered into an exclusive relationship with you then these
kinds of relationships with other women should not be going on.
This very much ties into the concept of respect, and if you voice
your displeasure about it you have every right to. And if he pushes
back, it's HIM not you.
5) TGR-R
According to Scot, "TGR-R" stands for "The Golden Rule--REVERSED".
The "Golden Rule", of course, is "Do unto others that which you
would have them do unto you".
The reverse of that would be, "Is what I'm having done to me
something that I would ever do to someone else?".
If you would NEVER, EVER do what is being done to you to someone else
in A MILLION YEARS, then you should ABSOLUTELY NOT tolerate it being
done to you, let alone EXCUSE IT.
This is kind of a "catch all" category when it comes to identifying
when it's HIM and not YOU, isn't it? But when all else fails, it
really is the ultimate yardstick to measure with.
I know that having read this list it's going to resonate with you
at least at some level. After all, most of us have dated "Mr. Wrong"
at some point. I just hope it hasn't been a lifelong pattern for you,
or that you are actually in a hurtful relationship RIGHT NOW.
But no matter what, I want you to know that I'm your biggest
cheerleader. You DO deserve a great man, as long as you are ready
and willing to be one half of a great relationship. That I am
convinced of.
Has dating the wrong guy indeed become a pattern in your life? Are
you in a relationship right now that you suspect may be a compromise
for you?
I don't mention it nearly enough in my letters to you, but do know
that both Scot and I are here to help.
You can put one or both of us to work for you to help you work
through a breakup, iron out a particular "sticking point" you have
with dating, or even put a completely cool plan together to help you
get from where you are today to where you want to be in your dating
life.
Find out all about it right here:
http://www.dating-coaches.com/
If you pick up the phone to call us, you'll find that we are very
real people who have been through quite a bit ourselves and are never
judgmental--no matter what.
Best of all, we've discovered a true formula for relationship
happiness that works, and we know how to impart the secret to YOU.
So how about it? Are you ready to get your dating life handled and
start meeting the RIGHT kind of man? I think you deserve it!
Here's the link again to where all the info is:
http://www.dating-coaches.com
I'll be talking to you again soon.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
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HERE'S SOMETHING REALLY FUN: Today is the big day for our friend
Sally Shields! Sally, besides being one of THE sweetest gals I
know, is the author of a fun new book called "The Daughter In-Law
Rules"...which she is releasing TODAY (!!!)
Even if you aren't quite married yet, once you meet your knight in
shining armor you're probably going to have to make friends with his
mom, right?
Well Sally has decoded all of this for you in her book, and having
read an advance copy I can give it my highest recommendation.
Now here's the most amazing part. Sally did something extra cool
to make sure her new book got kicked off with a BANG.
She contacted 101 of her friends who are well-known experts (of which
I am proud to be one!) in ALL SORTS of things that are important to
women and asked us to give a valuable BONUS to be given away with her
book to everyone who grabs a copy on the first day it's available.
What this means is that when you get Sally's book on Amazon TODAY,
you'll be given 101 FREE BONUS items. I've seen the list, and I'll
tell you what. Even if you aren't planning on having a Mother In-Law
anytime soon it's worth $14.95 just to have fun like a kid in a candy
store with all these terrific bonuses!
Want to have a lot of fun while getting your "self-improvement" fix
for the day--or more like for the YEAR? Here's the link. Sally
even has a video for you:
http://www.thedilrules.com
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