[X&Y Emily] How Will He Get To Know The REAL You?
Published: Fri, 10/31/08
=====
DESERVE WHAT YOU WANT (WOMEN'S EDITION):
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women
(Read OR Listen: Kiss The Past Goodbye And Say Hello To A Great Guy)
CLICK WITH HIM:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/online_dating
(You Can Attract The Right Kind Of Man...Online OR Offline)
=====
IN THIS EDITION: OK, here's a GREAT question that I'm sure crosses
every woman's mind at once in a while. And I've got a surprising
answer to go with it...
=====
CHRISTIAN CARTER'S "INTERVIEWS WITH DATING EXPERTS"
I have exciting news for you! We're flying to Los Angeles next week
to record an interview with none other than Christian Carter of
Catch Him And Keep Him fame.
This interview will be released as the December edition of his
"Interviews With Dating Experts" series.
This is pretty much the "big time" as far as opportunities in the
world of women's dating advice go, so I'm really looking forward to
it.
If you are one of the thousands and thousands who have already read
Catch Him And Keep Him and are on his list to get his monthly
interviews, you can expect to get mine in early December.
If you aren't yet on that list, grab your copy of Christian's e-book
and opt in for the "Interviews With Dating Experts" series now so
you'll be all set:
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/64/CD20/
My plan is to give this interview everything I've got, so you can
expect some brand new and really useful content for sure!
And now...let's talk about getting nervous on first dates and how to
let your REAL, TRUE SELF shine through...
=====
HOW WILL HE GET TO KNOW THE REAL YOU?
Dear Emily:
First of all, I want to thank you for the informative newsletter you
put together that I have been enjoying for the past few weeks. It is
really helpful.
I am just beginning a relationship with a man after being out of the
dating game for some time (nothing tragic or dramatic happened, I just
haven't dated anyone in a while).
It is clear to me that this guy likes me a lot, and I really admire
him, too! I want to let him see more of who I am, though, and THAT
is what I have been having trouble with in these early stages of our
relationship.
He is a really funny guy, and I think the way he deals with his
nervousness around me is by cracking jokes.
While I enjoy this, I feel like he may see me as some laughing bimbo
because I never make clear to him my OWN opinions about things, I
just laugh or say silly flirtatious things when I'm around him
(because that's how I deal with my nervousness from being around him!)
Basically I was wondering if you could give me any tips on really
letting who I am come to the fore while still enjoying his humor.
Thank you for all your work in this area!
Thanks,
Connie (Sparks, NV)
=====
Hello Connie:
Thanks for writing. Your letter to me is just fantastic, and perfect
to feature in this newsletter.
After all, my goodness...how many of us as women have put ourselves
through the exact same kind of self-torture you're going through
right now?
When we meet a great guy, we want everything PERFECT, right?
We change our dress four times and look in the mirror four DOZEN
times before going out with him, don't we?
And then, once we're sitting there in front of him we definitely
want to do all the right things...and be sure to avoid (God forbid)
doing ANY of the WRONG things.
But even when we KNOW the guy actually LIKES us, what do we do?
We STILL fret over whether we are portraying ourselves in the right
way.
We want him to recognize our feminine greatness as soon as
possible...all while trying our best not to commit some faux pas or
another that he might consider a "dealbreaker".
Well...based on what you've mentioned in your letter to me, here's
some great news for you.
Your new guy friend almost for sure doesn't view you as a "bimbo".
In fact, he probably already considers you a woman of high character
if not a total GENIUS.
Why? Well, I promise you solemnly...there is NOTHING more powerful
you can do in the early stage of dating than laugh at his jokes.
While we all seem to prefer men who don't come off as needy "approval
seekers", the truth is that ALL men LOVE actually GETTING APPROVAL
from women.
So YOU are doing A LOT right already, girlfriend! Laughing at his
jokes is likely making a very POSITIVE impression on him.
In fact, let's focus on those positive things you've got going on.
I've got two major points for you in that respect that I think will
be helpful.
First, you talked about his jokes and your positive response to them
as directly related to "nervousness".
While it's true that some people deal with uncomfortable, awkward
situations by laughing (usually in some forced, unnatural way), I
doubt that's what is going on here.
If he's cracking jokes, he's enjoying your company and especially
enjoying the fact that you are ENTERTAINED.
Guys in general LOVE to have REAL, TANGIBLE EVIDENCE that the woman
they are with is having a GREAT TIME.
When they have to guess whether or not you are enjoying yourself on
a date with them, it vexes them terribly--often to the point where
they don't even feel comfortable asking you out again.
So if anything, that give and take with the jokes and laughing is
probably HELPING iron out the natural nervous energy between the
two of you.
That's right...I said NATURAL nervous energy. It's not a BAD thing
to be excited. The BUTTERFLIES are to be ENJOYED...and not to be
mistaken for nervous FEAR that you're going to "mess up".
And when you get right down to it, I do hope that the POSITIVE type
of "nervous energy" is what you are feeling. After all...you know
he LIKES YOU already, right?
Second, just like I'd love to see you kick back and enjoy his company
without fear that you're coming off wrong, I'd encourage you also to
REST ASSURED that there's PLENTY OF TIME for every exquisite facet
of your feminine, human complexity in all of its glory to shine
through.
All of the thoughts, opinions and dreams in your heart are manifold
enough that it can and will take MUCH LONGER to express them than
you two have been hanging out together.
And that's an understatement!
Right now, there's a lot of laughing and joking...and I hope that
never ends for you two.
And believe me, I understand how you want him to see the depth of
who you really are above and beyond that as soon as possible.
But this takes TIME. And trying to rush it can actaully be counter-
productive.
Guess what? There's probably some DEPTH to HIM also that you've not
figured out yet. Won't it be fun to learn more and more about him
over time...enjoying each new discovery as it unfolds?
And he'll enjoy getting to know more and more about who you are over
time also. It sure beats "drinking from a firehose" if you think
about it.
Heck...Scot and I are STILL finding out new things about each other,
and probably will continue to do so for the foreseeable future!
So by all means, enjoy the excitement of beginning a new relationship,
and embrace the idea that there's PLENTY OF TIME to continue to get
to know each other. After all, that's part of what makes life fun.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
=====
A great, new relationship is indeed exciting...and yet we've got to
know how to ENJOY it when we get there, right?
If you can put aside the obstacles of the past, know what you're
looking for in a great man, and then become the fabulous woman he
has been dreaming of I'd say you're on the right track.
And the quickest, easiest way to make that happen is by reading the
women's version of Scot's book Deserve What You Want:
http://www.dating-advise.us/women
You can read the e-book or have Scot read it to you in the audiobook
version. Why not burn a CD of each chapter and listen during the
commute to and from work or while at the gym?
The next thing you know, you'll be more empowered than ever before
to get the man in your life you've always wanted. Better yet, you'll
know exactly how to attract him.
It's all here, along with some great bonuses:
http://www.dating-advise.us/women
Until I talk to you again soon, have a great weekend. And keep your
great letters coming...
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
P.S. Interested in hearing what Scot's telling the guys over there?
Lots of women report that they get plenty of "insider information" on
what a great man really looks like by reading his newsletter.
If that sounds like a blast to you, all you need to do is send a blank
email to "xandy@aweber.com" and you'll be on.
Fair warning, though...they DO still talk like guys, so cut them some
slack. LOL
=====
Questions? Ideas? Comments? Send to emily@clickwithhim.com. Your
feedback is welcome. If you like what you read, please feel free
to forward the newsletter to others. That's how we build our
audience!
Did a friend forward you this message? To receive this free
newsletter on finding the right man online OR offline from X & Y
Communications on a regular basis, simply go to:
http://www.clickwithhim.com
...and sign up. Or, just email emily@aweber.com. Easy
stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2008. All Rights Reserved.
Be My MySpace Friend:
www.myspace.com/emilysmckay (http://www.myspace.com/emilysmckay)
Be My Facebook Friend:
www.profile.to/emilymckay (http://profile.to/emilymckay)
Discussion Forum:
www.keystobliss.com/forum
(http://www.keystobliss.com/forum)
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
Our records indicate that at requested information
by e-mail from our company at
Date:
IP: