[X&Y Emily] Is Your Man Not Interested In You...Or Any OTHER Women Either?
Published: Sun, 07/06/08
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DESERVE WHAT YOU WANT (WOMEN'S EDITION):
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/women
(E-book + audiobook: read or listen...your choice)
CLICK WITH HIM:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/online_dating
(NOW...Watch the new video on the site about how to order and what
you can expect from the program)
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IN THIS EDITION: When you're with him he's distant. He isn't
really affectionate and is actually resistant to being physical with
you. BUT...he's busy introducing you to his family. What's up with
that?
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BRAND NEW X & Y ON THE FLY PODCAST
It's finally out... The new Episode #38 is called "Who Wears The
Pants?" and I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it.
Scot and I talk very frankly about "calling the shots" in a
relationship, and even get some "guest insights" from women we
interviewed around town.
If you haven't listened to a podcast before, think of it as a
"portable radio show".
You don't need an iPod necessarily, just speakers.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly
If you DO have an iPod, find the show on iTunes under
"Health/Self-Help".
And now, hold onto your seats...we have a great e-mail to cover
this time...
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HE'S NOT INTERESTED--BUT IS HE EVEN INTERESTED IN WOMEN AT ALL?
Hello there,
I have been reading your emails and want to let you know your are
awesome, you provide us (ladies) with extremely wonderful
information when we need it the most.
My dilemma is that I have been dating this guy for close to eight
months.
I am almost ready to tell him that the only way I'll continue going
out with him is if things are going somewhere and if he is not
seeing someone else because I don't want to waste my precious time.
I don't like that when we are having dinner or at the movies he
keeps answering text messages to I don't know who (this happens
even when he is driving).
He says he really wants to get to know me better but sometimes his
actions tell me different.
When we are waiting for our dinner at a restaurant he transports
himself somewhere else like if he is hypnotized (I feel ignored).
He tends to get easily irritated and something that is starting to
annoy me is that sometimes he stutters which makes it hard to
communicate (but this is only sometimes, its kind of weird).
He is hardly affectionate and hardly hugs me or holds my hand.
The other day we where cuddling at my apartment, I started to kiss
him and he responded but when things were getting a little
passionate he stopped kissing me, closed his eyes and nodded his
head like saying "no".
I felt rejected and confused.
I am confused, I don't really know what he wants.
He gives me mixed signals, the other day he invited me to a family
party at his parents' house, there I met everyone in the family
including grandma.
I believe he might have someone else. Someone that gives him what
I don't (I have not slept with him yet).
It would be nice to know what the heck is going on his head.
Sometimes he tells me he cannot be himself when he is with me (I
try to be as cool as I can but still he thinks the same).
Please, please give me some advice.
Love,
Maureen (Portland, OR)
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Hello Maureen and thanks for writing.
The story you shared is one that I'm sure a lot of women can relate
to.
Simply put, he confuses you. The messages are mixed, and the
forecast for the future is cloudy--at best.
A lot of times I get e-mails from women like you who wonder what
their man is thinking, and want to "get inside his head" a bit to
see what's going on.
The bottom line is this: If you have NO IDEA what he's thinking,
then he probably ISN'T thinking "This woman is the love of my life
and I want to be with her forever".
It's more likely that he's thinking about an EXIT STRATEGY.
Think about it yourself.
After eight months, why shouldn't you know whether or not the two
of you have some sort of future together?
And after so much water under the bridge, shouldn't you at least be
able to spend time with him without having to second-guess what's
going on when he picks up his cell phone?
And surely...if a guy is ATTRACTED to you, wouldn't he at least want
to be affectionate towards you in some way?
But he's not pulling the plug on his own, which could mean he is
more willing to stay in a dead-end relationship than to "hurt your
feelings".
I know, I know...you'd just rather hear the truth if that's the case
instead of having to guess.
Unfortunately, that doesn't change the pandemic fear that some men
have of making women cry. They think they're being "nice", but
they're only postponing the inevitable.
But in this specific case of yours, there are other possibilities
at play that potentially complicate the matter.
For example, based on his reaction to your attempt to escalate
physical interaction with him, he may be very self-conscious about
the concept of having sex...at all.
Some men are ashamed of themselves physically and this literally
paralyzes them.
I realize this in not exactly in line with everything you've ever
heard about men being 'all about sex", but it's a very real
phenomenon for a certain cross section of men.
But my guess, based on his detachment from you elsewhere, is that
this is not really what's going on.
There is actually one other distinct possibility that may sound
preposterous but must not be discounted.
I hope you are sitting down for this.
He may not be into you...or ANY OTHER WOMAN, for that matter.
That's right: Perhaps your man is gay and has not come out of the
closet yet.
Seriously, many times gay men want to give the appearance of
"straightness" and therefore date women.
I have heard of real examples of this from many readers and even
seen this sort of thing happen in relationships people close to me
have had.
The result is invariably heartbreak for women who find themselves
in this position...and it can be humiliating on top of all else.
His lack of desire for physical affection despite the eight-month
relationship, the secrecy of his other interactions, and the subtle
indication that "he cannot be himself with you" all point to the
possibility that this may be exactly what's going on in your case.
The fact that he made it a point to a family party with all of his
relatives there at once only serves to validate my instincts here.
In many ways, the appearance at that party could have been the
entire purpose of his relationship with you, instead of vice-versa.
How's that for a sobering thought?
So to recap, he is either not interested in you and knows not how
to end things, is horribly ashamed sexually, or isn't interested in
ANY women at all.
It's finally time for an honest conversation between you two. I'm
sure if you ask him if he's actually gay you'd get his
attention...whether he is or not.
Ultimately, though, you know what?
I'm not sure getting a resolution to what's going on on his side
will do anything more for you than assuage your curiosity.
What stands out most from your e-mail is that you didn't say ONE
NICE THING about this guy.
That tells me that you already feel you're "settling" if you stay
with him.
My best recommendation is to meet some other guys who inspire you a
lot more than this one.
Have Fun,
Emily
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Can you relate to Maureen?
Have you ever been at wits end trying to understand men while doing
your best to be the most amazing woman you can for a great guy...if
he'd ever just SHOW UP?
Well, let me encourage you.
You CAN become exactly the kind of woman who attracts only the
highest-quality man.
You CAN also discover more of what exactly it is that makes men tick.
And BEST of all, you'll never need MONTHS or even YEARS to find out
whether a guy is actually interested in you long-term or not.
After all, you'll be the kind of woman MEN COMMIT TO.
You'll be IRRESISTIBLE.
Want to know how to make that happen in your life?
It's not just for "Cinderella", anymore.
I've taken everything I have on how to do all of that--and actually
included bunches from some of my smartest gal-friends too--and
wrapped all of it up into my Click With Him program.
It's over 12 hours of very clear, no-nonsense talk about how to
take back control of your dating life and meet the RIGHT MAN
instead of continuing a streak of meeting the WRONG ones.
It's all here:
http://www.clickwithhim.com/online_dating
I've even rolled in tons of valuable secrets on how to meet a great
man ONLINE, so you are truly prepared no matter where you choose to
meet men.
And right now, I've got a 35% off coupon for you that makes getting
Click With Him easier for you than ever.
Simply enter "xy35off" in the "Optional Info" space when you order,
hit "recalculate" and you'll be all set.
There's even a movie on the website that I asked Scot to do for you
that shows you exactly how to order and what you can expect to find
in the HUGE Member's Area.
http://www.clickwithhim.com/online_dating
I look forward to seeing you in the Member's Area and hearing all
of your success stories.
Hope you had a great weekend, and I'll talk to you again soon.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
P.S. If you're interested in finding out what Scot tells guys about
how to be a great man, sign up for his newsletter when you check
out the women's version of Deserve What You Want here:
http://www.deservehwatyouwant.com/women
It's a GREAT way to get some insight into what such a guy will be
like when you meet him... You can also sign up by sending a blank
e-mail to xandy@aweber.com if you'd like.
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