[X&Y Emily] How To Tell If He's Married
Published: Sun, 04/05/09
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IN THIS ISSUE: It's one of our greatest fears: Finding out that
the guy we're dating is really MARRIED. Here are some MAJOR
tell-tale signs...
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NEW FROM CHRISTIAN CARTER...AND IT'S ABOUT TIME!
By now you know who Christian Carter is. I was even introduced to
many of you by him back in December when he interviewed me for his
monthly series.
Well, he's got something new for us...and to be honest, all I've got
to say is WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG, CHRIS?
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/542/CD20/
It's called...[drum roll]...Inside The Mind Of A Man.
Let me tell you something, if you enjoyed Attraction Makeover's
section on "decoding men" and Scot's round table with the guys on
what men are really attracted to in a woman, then you're going to
LOVE this also.
It's fair to say that Christian Carter is THE ONLY guy out there
focusing 100% on empowering you and I as women to find our "one and
only".
Sure, Scot's got it going on also...but he still spends most of the
time hanging out with his guys, right?
So I'd recommend taking a quick look at Christian's new Web site
for Inside The Mind Of A Man:
http://affiliates.hottopicmedia.com/z/542/CD20/
Please drop me a note and let me know what you think after you take
a look!
As a matter of fact, you know what?
Once you get your very own copy of Inside The Mind Of A Man, forward
me the receipt (emily@clickwithhim.com) and I'LL SEND YOU ATTRACTION
MAKEOVER as my gift if you don't have it already.
I mentioned the parallels between the two programs, so I REALLY WANT
you to have both!
But remember, you've gotta USE ONE OF THE LINKS ABOVE, and send me
your receipt. Then I'll get Attraction Makeover to you RIGHT AWAY.
How cool is that?
And now, here's the multi-faceted answer to a question LOTS and
LOTS of you have been asking me in one way or another...especially
lately.
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HOW DO I KNOW IF HE'S MARRIED?
OK, ladies. Like I always say, there are a WHOLE BUNCH of really
great guys out there. And they'd LOVE to meet you!
So the challenge is to make sure we spend our time socializin' with
THOSE guys, instead of burning up valuable time with the WRONG ones.
One of the MOST IMPORTANT ways to screen guys we are dating is to
make sure we weed out the MARRIED ONES.
Seems simple enough, right? Unfortunately, some of these guys have
a plan of action for "getting some on the side" that is REALLY well
thought-out.
Well...it's time for US to do our part to think things through
EQUALLY well. Here are some powerful signs a guy MIGHT be married:
1) He Doesn't Invite You Over To His Place
OK, let's face it. What guy wouldn't love to get a woman he is
attracted to over to his place for a romantic evening?
Quick answer? A MARRIED one. The reasons for this should be
obvious.
Now sure, maybe he has crazy roommates or hasn't been very good
about keeping up the place. Fair enough.
But when this factor appears in combination with any other point
I'm sharing here, it's okay to start to ask questions.
By the way, be on the look out for defensive answers should you
indeed start to ask those questions.
If he doesn't even want to give you his address, that's an even
stronger clue that something fishy is afoot.
2) He Doesn't Answer His Phone Much
...and when he does, it's only a short conversation. It may also be
only at a very predictable time.
For example, a married guy may be quite able to talk to you during
his lunch hour or while he's on
his way to the gym.
Be ESPECIALLY wary if he usually talks to you when he's driving.
That's the BEST way for him to rest assured that nobody can
overhear the conversation.
3) He Can Only See You At Odd Times
...and not for very long increments of time, either.
Again, lunch hour is a very common time for a married guy to want
to see you.
The "built in" deadline is as convenient to him as it is for you
when meeting and screening guys you've met online for the first time.
Here's another ingenious time a married guy may pencil you in:
early to mid-evening on weekdays.
This could be the "usual" time he goes to the gym. Therefore, his
wife wouldn't suspect much if he disappears for an hour and a half
or so.
By the way, whether he's on "gym time" or not, ANY TIME a guy is
adamant about showering after sex with you before he leaves...THAT'S
a MAJOR sign he's trying to "wash away" evidence.
Certainly also, if he's giving you ZERO "weekend time", you should
consider yourself a LOW PRIORITY to him--whether he's married or not.
4) His Car (Or Cars) Makes No Sense
Typically, "available" guys don't usually drive mini-vans or cute
little "sport-wagons".
And while a guy who makes a decent income may have two or more
vehicles he shows up in, they're more likely to be very different
models than similar ones.
For example, he may show up in a pickup truck one day and a
Corvette the next.
But if he arrives in two different four-door economy sedans, one of
them had better be a rental while his personal car is in the shop.
Or else he could own a used car lot. Ask, and see what he says.
5) He's "Separated"
Ah...perhaps the MOST EFFECTIVE strategy of all a married guy might
possibly use.
It's effective mostly because he, um, IS MARRIED...and even MORE
EFFECTIVE when YOU DON'T CARE about the stark truth because you've
been conditioned to think of separation "differently".
Just yesterday I got yet another e-mail from a woman who is falling
for a guy who's "divorce isn't quite final yet" and wants to know
what to do.
Ladies, the answer is RUN AWAY. Or at the very least, respectfully
ask the gentleman to consider contacting you AFTER the divorce is
final.
And even then, to tell you the truth, you'll be looking at some
possible "newly divorced drama" you may be better off avoiding.
So what's the big deal here?
Simply put, in most states/territories there IS NO SUCH THING as
"legally separated".
In other words, a guy can simply tell you he's "separated" simply
as a PRE-EMPTIVE MEASURE against you ever asking about whether he
is married or not.
Think about it. He VOLUNTEERED the information, so human nature
is that you're more likely to accept it as factual than if you had
to ask the question.
But the reality is that a "separated" guy could be going home and
sleeping in the same bed with his WIFE.
Meanwhile, were you to look up the court records, you'd only find
him listed as MARRIED....but you wouldn't give it a SECOND THOUGHT.
After all, he told you himself that you might as well expect that.
Now I want to make something perfectly clear. Every single bit of
what I just shared is EQUAL OPPORTUNITY. Married women play
similar games with men all the time.
In fact, Scot tells his guys that dating a "separated" woman is one
of the best ways to GET SHOT that he can think of. Oh boy.
Before I close, I'd be remiss if I didn't share one last VERY
IMPORTANT point.
Above all, ladies, be sure not to let yourself get roped into
dating a man who OPENLY ADMITS he's married.
Sure, he may tell you how miserable a life he has with he wife.
And you can certainly bet he's going to know exactly how to spin
himself as the victim and she as the Vision Of Evil herself.
But make no mistake, to give in to this is to become "The Other
Woman".
Is this really what you want? Do you want to be a man's mistress?
Do you want to have to "sneak around"?
I sure hope that you want better for yourself. Talk about settling!
Plus, remember always: If you aid and abet a cheater, that makes
YOU a cheater. You're not an "innocent bystander" in such a
situation.
Besides, do you REALLY think he's going to "come clean" with his
wife?
Do you REALLY think he's truly "getting things in line" to break up
with her for you?
When you date a man who openly admits he's married, all you're
doing is allowing him to string along TWO women (at least)...not just
one.
And let's say he DID leave his wife for you. He's still a CHEATER,
and who's to say he won't do you the same way sooner or later?
So get it together, ladies! Deserve what you want...a great man out
there who wants to treat you right is looking for exactly that high
level of character from a great woman like you.
Have a great Sunday. Relax and be good to yourself today.
And I'll talk to you again soon.
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
P.S. Scot and I are doing the next X & Y On The Fly Dating Podcast
on "First Dates". Should be available within the next few days or
so!
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X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
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