[X&Y Emily] "He'll Marry Me... He'll Marry Me Not..."
Published: Fri, 10/02/09
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And now, let's talk about the first five ways you can know if a man
is REALLY serious about marrying you...
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10 SIGNS TO KNOW IF HE IS SERIOUS ABOUT YOU (PART ONE)
For many of us as women, the idea of "He loves me... He loves me
not..." is closely followed by "He'll marry me... He'll marry me not...."
We all know a woman (maybe even ourselves) who has met a man and
experienced the following sequence of events: After dating for a
while she was wondering when or if he would pop the question. He
may have even told her to be patient. Eventually they got engaged,
set a date and got married.
Then again, we also may know woman who dated a man over time and
could never get the him to marry her despite the his promises of
marriage.
Here's a quote from a letter I recently received:
"When we first met, I was looking for someone to marry and he had
no plans on getting married. So I ended the relationship. He came
back, pleading that he could see himself married someday.
But as time went on, he never brought up marriage and I once again
broke it off.
This time he came back but with a ring. He didn't technically ask
me to marry him but said this was an engagement ring. Again time
flew by and I asked him when did he plan on marrying. He replied
perhaps in a couple of years or so.
I told him that was unacceptable and needed a date that was within
6 months time. He proceeded to tell me that he didn't ask me to
marry him and omitted those words on purpose and that he really
didn't see the point in getting married."
Knowing when to be patient or being aware of when we are wasting
our time is not always easy to do when our hopes, dreams and our
heart are involved, is it?
It is essential not to ignore the signs that are evidence of a man's
real intentions.
As the title of this newsletter suggests, look for these 10 Signs
To Know If He Is Serious About Marrying You.
1. LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAYS REGARDING HIS THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE
The myth that all men don't want to marry is far from the truth.
Many men are looking for a woman to settle down with. Scot and I
get e-mails on a regular basis from men wanting to know how to find a
woman they can spend the rest of their lives with.
However, when man says he has no interest in getting married, he
means it. A mission of dating him with the mindset of making him
change his mind will mostly likely lead to disappointment.
2. HE INTRODUCES YOU TO HIS PARENTS AND OTHER RELATIVES
If you have been seriously dating at least 6 months then it's likely
he would have introduced you to his parents and relatives by now.
For sure, you have to take into account the distance and how close
of a relationship your man has with his 'rents and other family
members.
The further away the family lives, the longer it might take to
get around to meeting them. That's only natural
On the other hand, if he has traveled to visit his parents but
refuses to let you come along, don't expect to walk down the aisle
with him--at least not anytime son.
And this is especially true if his parents have come into town to visit
and you are left out of the get-together!
3. MEETING *YOUR* PARENTS AND RELATIVES
This is a usually a big deal for most men. Normally he would prefer
to meet your parents if he is interested in a long-term relationship
with you.
Think about it, why would he NOT want to see how you and your family
interact? Why would he NOT want to meet your parents and get some
insight into your relationship with them?
While visiting China recently we came across a couple who traveled
half way around the globe so he could meet her parents for the first
time.
That in itself took some serious commitment, didn't it?
Of course, meeting mom and dad is not a guarantee that he will marry
you. On the contrary, though, NOT wanting to meet them is a BIG sign
that he is not hearing wedding bells.
4. MEETING THE KIDS WHEN IT'S PROBABLY TIME TO
Note that just because he meets your kids or that he has introduced
you to his DOES NOT mean he will marry you.
But here are some red flags to look out for.
Some men are particular about who they invite into their children's
lives. Introducing a new person into a child's life is not easy for
either the parent or the child and may come with a very real set of
challenges.
These challenges may cause a man to have a high anxiety about the
whole scenario. He many postpone the uncomfortable event for as
long as possible!
If the relationship has become stagnant due to the fact you have not
met his kids (or he yours), then something is wrong. It may indeed be
an excuse in his mind (even unconsciously) to prevent the relationship
from moving forward.
Either way, a serious discussion should take place resulting in a
scheduled date to meet the kids within a reasonable time frame.
If he does not make this happen--especially if he just blows off the
matter completely--then he probably has no intention of ever doing so.
And what about your kids? Well, if he refuses to meet them then
perhaps he may be concerned that getting involved in their lives and
then latter leaving may have a negative impact on them. For sure,
this is a valid concern--whether you have dated for very long or not.
Now this all applies for BOTH your children and his, regardless of
the children's age--whether they're little tots or full-grown adults.
When dealing with adult children, though, again take in to account if
there is long-distance involved.
5. ARE YOU IN "THE CIRCLE"?
When he wants to be part of his life, he will include you in his
circle of friends.
This is different than just simply meeting his friends. Being in the
circle would mean that at least some of HIS friends are now YOUR
friends.
Look for signs that his friends see the two of you as one. In other
words, when they invite him to "coed" functions that they know to
include you.
By the way, if after becoming exclusive with a man he is still not
even introducing you to his friends, would mean that something is
seriously wrong.
Either he is still dating other women and is heading off potential
"awkward moments" with his friends at the pass, or he's nothing
short of embarrassed to be seen with you!
And no self-respecting woman should put up with EITHER of those
situations.
Next time we'll continue this two-part serious with the NEXT FIVE
ways you can tell if a man is serious about marrying you or not.
Until then, have a great weekend!
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
P.S. We'll be recording a brand new X & Y On The Fly Dating Podcast
this weekend. The topic will be "The Opposite Sex...Can't Live With
Them, Can't Shoot Them"! I'm sure we'll have fun with this one, and
so will you!
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