[X&Y] Here Is A MAJOR Key To Relationship Success...Don't Miss This One!
Published: Tue, 06/23/09
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TODAY IS THE DAY FOR ULTIMATE ATTRACTION TRANSFORMATION!
Last time I shared with you what my friends Mirabelle Summers and
Amy Waterman at Meet Your Sweet were up to.
As you know, we collaborate with Amy, Mirabelle and the rest of the
team down at Meet Your Sweet all the time. And there's good reason
for this: They have GREAT ideas and GREAT programs.
Well, TODAY is the day that they are launching what is perhaps their
most complete and empowering program to date: the Ultimate Attraction
Transformation Series...
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/uatwomen
Having been a contributor to this terrific program, I can tell you
that I've honestly never seen such commitment to full series designed
to take women just like you and I to new heights of attractiveness
and "relationship fitness"!
Mirabelle sent me an e-mail and told me that they are only keeping
the doors open for FIVE DAYS on this, so time is of the essence.
And...the FIRST 50 of us who get in on Ultimate Attraction
Transformation will get a special bonus called "What Does It Mean To
'Be Yourself'"?
I'm sending you this message at EXACTLY the time the program launches,
just so you'll be able to take FULL ADVANTAGE of that!
Overall, I highly recommend taking a quick look to see if Ultimate
Attraction Transformation is for you:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/uatwomen
Let me know what you think. And now, here's today's topic...and
it's a REALLY good one.
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Hello :
What I'm about to share with you was written by Scot and sent to his
GUYS a few days ago...so bear that in mind as you read it.
First of all, as you read this you can SURELY feel good that Scot
is sending over 20,000 guys this message!
But I thought it was SO RIGHT ON, that I'm sharing it with you also.
Wow...we definitely don't want to be the kind of woman Scot is talking
about if we expect to get a great man to commit to us.
And furthermore, like Scot says, we should definitely deserve better
than an "Idiot/Jerk" (I/J), right>.
Go ahead and flip the gender references, and I promise it'll still
make INCREDIBLE sense. Enjoy!
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THE PRESUME AND ASSUME FACTOR
In the past I've written about what I firmly believe to be the
three biggest indicators of relationship success. They are:
1) Expecting the best of the other person (a.k.a. giving them
the "benefit of the doubt") until proven otherwise
2) Forgiving small grievances quickly (lest the "cumulative
effect of all the small things" pile up)
3) Never comparing your "significant other" to anyone else
(especially exes and/or anyone your friends are dating)
All three of those are of MASSIVE importance, of course. But today
I'm going to add a fourth, which is this:
4) Avoid presuming upon someone you care about, and never assume
s/he will or will not do something for you.
Call it the "Presume And Assume Syndrome", or PAAS for easy
reference.
So what exactly am I talking about here?
Well in the most simplistic terms, I'm giving you the secret to
virtually eliminating bitterness from a relationship between two
well-meaning people.
And sure, I realize as much as you do that major breaches like
infidelity, alcoholism, etc. cause bitterness. That's OBVIOUS.
But what about those couples who let that bitterness creep in
slowly and quietly in "stealth mode" over months or even years
before realizing they're in its clutches...even as they can't even
describe WHY?
My guess is that PAAS is the culprit.
PAAS is rooted in basic SELFISHNESS. The idea at play here is that
"my wants and needs are important, and it's my partner's job to
make sure they're met".
This typically results in a cavalier attitude (at best ) or and
utter disregard (at worst) towards the other partner's wants and
needs.
And hey, there may not be any "ill will" here at all. All of this
may be going on as a simple result of learned narcissism over the
years.
Ever heard of someone being "set in their ways" after being single
for a while, and that having a negative effect on a relationship?
B-I-N-G-O.
All of this may seem to be an obvious detriment to a relationship
on the surface, but I'm telling you...PAAS can be A LOT sneakier than
you think.
Here's a common example.
Your girlfriend of a month or so is moving next weekend. She
automatically ASSUMES you are going to help her move. And she
PRESUMES this upon you without even checking in to see what your
plans are.
In principle, are you cool with helping her move? Probably.
But are you miffed that she didn't even ask AT ALL, let alone
nicely?
And are you perturbed that in lieu of her offering some sort of
favor to you as a warm "thank you", she instead PRESUMES upon you
the "gift" of joining two or three of her ex-boyfriends on moving
day in doing the "heavy lifting"...as she chats and giggles on her
cell phone all the while?
I think you get the picture.
But not so fast...here's another example.
You've got tickets to the big game. Do you tell your girlfriend
that you've got a "cool surprise" for her on Saturday night, and
drag her along even though she's been pretty clear about having an
aversion to watching sports?
Then do you meet up with a couple buddies at the arena and ignore
her for most of the game, except for that one time you jump up and
splash beer on her by accident?
And THEN, when your team loses at the buzzer are you a crank for
the rest of the night...taking it out on her?
You've got it: Presume And Assume Syndrome.
We as guys aren't immune.
EVERYONE, it appears, has plenty of capacity in the context of a
relationship for self-centered thinking that goes a little too far.
Our intentions aren't necessarily evil, it's just that all of us
can get a bit careless...or make that CLUELESS.
What's the cure?
Well, here's the good news. Simply flipping the lights on and
RECOGNIZING how PAAS works will go a LONG way toward your being
able to avoid it.
Similarly, you'll be able to CALL OUT presumptions and assumptions
on the spot and address them with a woman, rather than letting them
cumulate and simmer over time.
As you can see, this bit of wisdom will prove IMMENSELY VALUABLE to
you as a relationship manager...starting RIGHT NOW.
But what of the "darker side" of PAAS?
Thus far in this newsletter I've been operating under the
assumption that you are relating to a woman who is "well-meaning".
In other words, she has no hang-ups about men in general and/or any
aversion to the simple desire to be happy.
I'd be remiss, however, if I didn't share with you some VERY
SIGNIFICANT warning signs that you are with the WRONG WOMAN...all
based on PAAS indicators.
As a prime example, consider a woman whose attitude is that "all
men are the same", in the negative sense. She may live life
ASSUMING that you will cheat on her, even when you have no such
intention.
Further, she may PRESUME upon you the necessity of sharing her
misery in the form of extreme jealousy.
You know, wondering where you are all the time and possibly even
littering your life with empty accusations.
Should you tolerate this for long, you may begin to feel
ever-increasing bitterness toward this woman...as if you've been
unfairly convicted of a crime you didn't commit.
You may even go so far as to think you might as well cheat on her.
After all, you're "paying the price" in your relationship with her
no matter what.
But were you to do actually cheat, all you'd be doing is VALIDATING
her presumptions AND her assumptions.
Shockingly, as twisted as it sounds, actually violating her as such
may make her feel BETTER.
In a very real sense, you will have lifted a cloud of GUILT from her
for treating you the way she has been without her having the hard
evidence to back it up.
So then, your validation of her PAAS actually closes the loop for
her psychologically. She now feels that hounding you was JUSTIFIED
and the RIGHT THING TO DO.
Similarly, a woman for some reason may have low enough self-esteem
that she feels she deserves to be punished.
As crazy as this sounds, I was on the phone just yesterday with one
among you who just recently escaped from a relationship with such a
woman.
Maybe you can relate.
Again, there may be nothing but PURE INTENTIONS on your part if you
are with such a woman. You may be (as you SHOULD be) hard-wired
NEVER, EVER to lift a finger to physically harm a woman.
Yet, it's as if the woman is RELENTLESS in instigating you to lash
out against her physically.
Sooner than later, she learns every "hot button" you have.
You may allow yourself to slip into emotionally-charged arguments
with her as a result. And when the heat has been "kicked up a
notch", she may put a finger in your face and start ordering you
around.
This measure of disrespect, of course, would result in a bar fight
100% of the time were another dude to play that card.
And not grabbing that finger and wiping it away from you may be the
BIGGEST TEST of discipline you've ever faced.
But you'd better not.
Because not only will she call the police and get you arrested on
assault and battery charges, you will have VALIDATED her ASSUMPTION
that you would physically assault her, and her PRESUMPTION upon you
of creating that precarious position to begin with.
You may simply see the stories I've just shared as nothing more
than "self fulfilling prophecy" in the making.
But remember--the premise behind both is based on your having SOLID
INTENTIONS up front.
Here again, is what I'm talking about here gender-specific? Of
course not.
Welcome to why it may LOOK to you like "Idiot/Jerks" ("I/Js") get
all the women. But check in with those guys a few years later and
see how HAPPY either they or their girlfriends/wives are.
I'll tell you what, reading back on what I've just shared with you
I'm realizing I've thrown down some CHILLING stuff for you today.
But remember...this is all about 20/20 FORESIGHT.
The point is to SAVE YOU FROM THESE HASSLES NOW.
Cheers,
Scot McKay
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Wow...that really hits the spot, doesn't it?
If that's not a "wake up call" to a lot of us gals out there that we
shouldn't be SETTLING for guys who are manipulators, then I don't
know what is!
And if you can see yourself AT ALL in the illustration that Scot
paints for us, let me tell you right now THAT COULD BE what is
keeping you from the relationship you want.
I know that may hard to hear, but remember my job is to help you
SUCCEED with men!
Be sure to let me know your thoughts, and stories if you have any by
e-mailing me at emily@clickwithhim.com
And I'll talk to you again soon!
Have Fun,
Emily McKay
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