[X&Y] Why Women Aren't Approaching You First
Published: Tue, 03/29/22
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WHAT'S INSIDE: We've always been told that women are all about
subtlety, all the time. But lately I've become convinced that's not
so true after all...
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WHY WOMEN AREN'T APPROACHING YOU FIRST
Most guys report they have absolutely no idea when women are
attracted to them.
This is probably because we see things in black and white,
whereas women tend to be creatures of subtlety--at least
when it comes to showing interest in a man.
Most of us automatically assume women are creatures of
subtlety in general because that's what we've been taught to
believe.
But I invite you to eavesdrop on a conversation a woman is
having with the customer service department when things
aren't going as she expects.
Or better yet, go to your local supermarket around mid-
morning on a weekday and observe how moms deal with
their pre-school aged children.
They're about as subtle as a lightning bolt.
The truth is that women can be as overtly blunt as any'
man. Similarly, some men can operate with subtle
finesse that is usually credited to women.
Subtlety, as it turns out, is neither a masculine nor feminine
trait, per se.
So what gives? How come women tend to be so subtle
showing signs of interest toward a man?
First, women are hyper-conscious of their social status as
ladies.
They know that being branded a "slut" is the kiss of death,
so they aren't often going to throw themselves at you.
You have to make it clear you welcome their affection, and
they can feel safe and comfortable in your presence.
Will you protect their reputation or expose them to potential
social harm?
Further, women know you really don't want them to come
right out with a blatant expression of interest.
Someone just said, "What? Are you KIDDING me? I'd
LOVE for women to be all over me without having to make
the first move."
Show me a guy who thinks that, and I'll show you a guy
who doesn't have a lot of practical, real-world experience
with women throwing themselves at him.
We may think we'd like that--and may even dream about
it. But when reality comes knocking we tend to get turned
off by women who are "forward", don't we?
When that happens, we feel like she has hijacked our
part in the dance of attraction.
This factor is ironic in itself, considering we feel that way
even if we usually wimp out from approaching women
and progressing things ourselves.
But we quickly realize that appearing needy and even
desperate is a universal turnoff. It's not gender specific.
The two reasons for women's subtlety in expressing
interest are both valid.
But there's another factor...and this one is FAR more
significant than even the other two.
Most of all, women tend to be subtle when showing
interest because when it comes to matters of attraction
and dating, they want YOU to man up and take the lead.
They want YOU to make the first real move.
After all, a man should have a plan and be able to make
decisions. Subtlety may not be a gender specific trait,
but THOSE sure are.
Women know this, and they want to SEE those traits in
you. They want you to ignite their femininity MORE, not
LESS.
So naturally, when you DON'T make that all-important
bold move to act on mutual attraction, the woman is left
with a choice to make.
Either she will finally make that move herself, or she'll
keep waiting--and hoping--that you'll DO SOMETHING.
ANYTHING.
That's why a woman who likes you will drop subtle hints
but will wait it out until the bitter end to be forward with
you.
When that time finally comes, it's a "bitter end" indeed.
She has likely lost all attraction for you by that time
anyway...and may even be frustrated about it.
Here it is: Were she to take up the masculine on your
behalf and make the move herself, she'd similarly LOSE
attraction.
Even when a woman IS aggressive enough to make a
first move toward you, she'd rather not. It's like a last
resort.
And know this.
Let's assume you do somehow end up with a few
women in your life who nutted up on your behalf and
made the first move when you were too timid to...and
somehow remain attracted to you, at least to some
degree.
You surely can't depend upon that forever, or you'll be
back to ending up only with women who selected you.
When you don't select the women you want in your
life, you settle. And when you settle, everyone loses.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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