IN THIS EDITION:  "Can ANYONE really, truly find love? Come on,
now...be honest." You asked for honesty, and I'm about to deliver...

=====



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For now, let's just say it's BY FAR the most demanded 
topic that I've NEVER covered before.



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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS


Hi Scot,

The other day I saw something exceptionally rare at a local mall: I
saw a woman with two heads. They were conjoined twins, and they
were talking to each other like they were best pals.

But I was taken aback by this sight, as it's something so rare I
couldn't stop thinking what life must be like for these two women.

What sort of dating advice would you give to someone who has a
very rare condition like that? I'll be perfectly honest: it's hard to
imagine anyone being attracted, regardless of all their other great
qualities.

In fact, all sorts of people looked really spooked by the sighting,
and one woman even came up to me and said "did you see that?! 
It really creeped me out."

I felt so awful, that she made such a heartless statement. Yet
sadly, I know she genuinely WAS creeped out.

Is someone (or two people, in this situation) doomed to a life of
being single and considered an outcast in cases like this?

How would you advise people on dating who might be considered
at the "far left end of the bell curve" in terms of physical
attractiveness?


Steve (Minneapolis, MN)



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Hey Steve:

Thanks for writing.

For starters, the women you saw at the mall might very well have
been the same ones about whom a documentary was aired years
ago. They live in your neck of the woods.

They were high school girls at the time, and it was amazing to see
how well-adjusted and straight-up happy they seemed.

What's more, evidence on film showed they were socially very
popular at school and experienced almost zero imitations that
others might automatically assume they'd face.

Their peers had long since grown accustomed to them, and
generally treated them as they would any other set of outgoing,
fun twin sisters.

They had respective driver's licenses, could ride a bicycle
together and if my memory serves, yes...they went to the prom.
With TWO guys, of course.

I've read elsewhere after having read your note that they fully
expect to get married and have children.

Obviously, I have no interest in speculating as to the details of
how that would all work at the granular level, but I'm not about to
dismiss their dreams as anything less than completely valid and
reasonable.

Here's why.

Objectively speaking, there's historical evidence of others with
very unique and profound physical challenges--including other sets
of conjoined twins--marrying and parenting children.

I've seen a documentary about the challenges faced by a woman
born entirely without a lower body during her pregnancy, and how
her husband helped her deal with those challenges.

Years ago the "World's Smallest Man" got married...to an almost
equally tiny woman.

And I've personally knows more guys in wheelchairs with amazing
girlfriends than I have fingers to count them on.

Make no mistake about it: just about anyone can find love.

I'm not in a position to assess whether they find true love, or
just find someone who is uniquely interested in taking on their
"challenges" with them.

But I do believe there's plenty of the former rather than the latter
out there.

Why is that?  Well, it's simple really.

The common thread between every one of those "physically
challenged" people who found love is that they had a positive
mindset.

They did not feel sorry for themselves.

Therefore, it's downright silly to think they'd enter into a
relationship with someone who was with them solely because
of a desire to "pity them", "help them" or otherwise highlight
their disability.

That would be a "dealbreaker" to anyone who is a true
champion over their supposed "challenge".

They say "love is blind", but my impression is that it's closer to
the truth to say that love is INDIVIDUAL thing that cannot be
explained by "conventional wisdom".

At the very least, you just can't throw a blanket over who is
"lovable" and who isn't.  It doesn't work that way, and we all
know it.

And that's why I would never categorically dismiss the hopes and
dreams of any person who came to me wanting to deserve what
he or she wants. In fact, I would (and do) coach them the same
way I would anyone else: as individuals.

But all of that said, here's the truly important angle on this
whole conversation that I believe needs to be covered--mostly
because it's what's most applicable to the majority who are
reading this newsletter.

Having been immersed in this art and science of dating and
relationships for over sixteen years now, here's a fascinating
observation.

I've seen time and time again how even so-called "able bodied"
people--who may appear to have literally everything going for them
and are relatively challenge-free--live very lonely lives.

They go dateless...even as others at the far left of the "average" 
bell curve enter into healthy relationships.

And in 100% of those cases, it's because their mindset is off-base.

Either they've found some reason to suspect every member of the
other gender is no good, they've learned to think of themselves
as utterly unattractive for some reason, or they've had one or a
few instances of "getting hurt" and have become jaded.

But whatever it is, they've made the bed they're sleeping in..
alone.