[X&Y] She Says, "Are You Asking Me Out?" (Or Worse, "Is This A Date?")
Published: Mon, 11/28/22
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Have you ever gathered the
courage to ask a woman out, only to have her
leave you speechless with one simple question?
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WHAT TO DO WHEN SHE SAYS, "ARE YOU ASKING ME OUT?"
There are certain phrases women can drop on us that stop most guys
dead in their tracks. Perhaps one of the most infamous tends to
occur right when we're attempting to make plans with a woman who we
have a romantic interest in.
Typically, what we do in those situations is suggest that the woman
"hang out" with us, or that we "get coffee".
And all too often, the woman comes right out with, "Are you asking
me out?"
Face it, if you're like I always used to be you're basically
paralyzed in the moment by the question. And man, doesn't it just
irk you to no end?
I mean, how's a guy supposed to keep his interest subtle and his
moves casual when she just throws everything out on the table like
that?
And more importantly, how in the world are we supposed to ANSWER
that question? It's a clear "pattern interrupt" to your mojo.
Why do women DO that...and so often, no less?
Well, here's the thing. My guess is that most of us think that
women do that with the intention of getting the usual result:
Knocking us off our game.
It's easy to think that because we've just had the process of
asking a woman out made more difficult by the woman who we'd like
to go out with, that she's TRYING to derail us.
At best we see it as a frustrating "test" of some sort. But at
worst, we assume she's already communicating lack of interest.
And yes, if she's demonstrating clearly distasteful body language
that may be the case.
But see, here's what I believe based on what I've seen.
Nine times out of ten, the woman has found whatever indirect or
subtle method you're using to make plans with her just as irksome
as you're now finding her inquisitive response to be.
Your subtlety in the name of lessening the possibility for
"rejection" in the moment has only served to confuse her. She
can't tell what's really on your mind, so she's forced to ASK.
Think about that for a second. It's not that she's got some
ulterior motive. She simply wants to know if you're really,
seriously asking her out or not.
A subtle variation on the theme is, of course, "Is this a date?" A
woman may ask that question in lieu of, "Are you asking me out?",
or it may come up when you're already out with her.
Either way, she's probably asking the question because SHE
ISN'T SURE. Look closely and you'll see slight confusion or even
tentative excitement written all over her face, not disgust.
Add all of this up, and the reality of it all is crystal clear.
You've got to pick one road or the other.
Do you want to continue operating beneath a shroud of confusion
when making plans with women--thereby dreading "the question"
in whichever form it comes in?
Or would you rather not have to deal with awkwardness in that
moment ever again?
If the latter, there's an all-conquering solution: Boldness.
If you've been hearing, "Are you asking me out?" from time to time
it's because ONE or BOTH of you is too timid to be straight up
about your intentions.
To be honest, most of the time it's happens in response to our own
timid leadership.
Few guys seem to have the stones to clearly tell a woman that they
like her, are interested in her and would like to see her Thursday
night at 7pm.
But then again, it's also not beyond the realm of possibility that
the woman is a bit overwhelmed by the idea of you being interested
in her.
In other words, maybe she's asking "the question" because it all
seems too good to be true to HER.
Is your self-image strong enough to accept that distinct
possibility?
No matter what the psychological reasons are for a woman
wondering aloud if you're asking her out, your response should
be the same.
You definitely want to deliver a bold, resolute AFFIRMATIVE answer
when called out.
A calm, cool, collected "yes" is all you need.
In fact, the more you try to elaborate and/or defend why you're
asking her out in that context the worse off you'll be. You'll
only come off as unsure of yourself.
And for sure, you don't want to backpedal, let alone back off
completely.
You've already come this far, why destroy the opportunity
altogether...especially if she's actually excited to go out with you?
The next time you're confronted with the kind of scenario we're
discussing here, I invite you to go ahead, jump off the ledge, and
confirm your intentions toward her with a solid "yes".
Not only can I assure you that "the question" is almost always a
good sign, you'll feel terrific when she's excited to make plans
with you.
There's nothing better than boldly going for what you want and
having a woman respond powerfully to it.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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