[X&Y] Decoding Women's Messages
Published: Sat, 02/04/23
=====
IN THIS EDITION: If you plan on going from good to great with
women, you'd better have thick skin. Here's why...
=====
DECODING WOMEN'S MESSAGES
Yesterday morning I received an e-mail.
That message started such an interesting discussion that I had to
share the details with you.
Basically, my friend--let's call him Brian--has been discovering more
and more of his own natural attractiveness to women and in turn
becoming way bolder in his interactions with them.
This is a great thing, of course.
I've lost count of how many guys I've talked to for whom the major
issue is simply recognizing and believing that more women are
already attracted to them than they think. They just need to be
confident of that, and lead.
You know, as in "Relax and have fun...the girls love you."
Well, in Brian's case he is already to the point where he is
approaching women and confidently starting conversations. And
he's much better at figuring out when they're attracted.
The next step, logically, is now cutting out any semblance of
settling and only filling his dating life with the women he
genuinely feels strong attraction toward.
Invariably, this means giving certain women the "just be friends
talk" or, as was the case this past weekend for Brian, telling a
woman things just aren't going to work out--friend or otherwise.
Unfortunately, he did make a rather crucial error in judgment.
He updated his status on Facebook with "Just broke things off with
her...looking forward to what's next."
Suffice it to say one must never, ever hang one's dirty laundry out
on Facebook or Twitter. You've got to remember that everyone
you know can (and will) see what you've written.
Seriously, if you've ever wondered if anyone really reads your
social media missives, all it takes is posting the wrong one to
give you a lightning-fast reality check...right?
So, guess what? One of Brian's female friends from back in high
school took the liberty of writing him and letting him know what
she thought of his "update".
Taking a good four or five solid paragraphs to make her case, said
former female classmate proceeded to tell Brian about how
"insensitive" he has always been, leading women on only to leave
them hanging.
She told him he was basically self-absorbed and narcissistic,
unable to tell when a decent woman was in front of him.
And, of course, she was sure to throw in the inevitable zinger
about how Brian was clearly still too "picky", and how being "such a
perfectionist" was all but certain to guarantee that he'd probably
die alone someday.
Pretty heavy stuff for someone who hasn't been heard from for a
decade, right?
Well, in Brian's email to me he reprinted the Facebook message from
his high school friend and told me he was "pretty devastated" about
it.
From his perspective, the message represented how he "still had a
lot to learn" about relating to women, managing relationships, and--
yes--even being a decent guy.
But all I saw was progress. I saw the difference between a guy who
was blind to the attraction he had sparked in girls back in high
school and the "new look" Brian who was now in control of his dating
life.
The key here is that when you are popular with women and therefore
calling the shots, there are going to be women who aren't happy with
your decisions.
Recognize that this is a clear sign that you are a CHOOSER instead
of a CHASER.
Perhaps ironically, if you chronically "fail to deploy" and never ask
ask any women out, you're still a chooser. "No decision" is still a
decision. It's certainly not chasing.
That was the "choice" Brian had made throughout high school.
But on the other end of the spectrum, with all the variations of
"chasing" women by seeking their approval, putting them on a
pedestal, etc. in between, is the guy who boldly engages women and
still calls the shots.
Amazingly, whichever of the two styles of "choosing" you're
currently engaging in, you're disappointing women. One way or the
other.
Any time there's a particular woman who wants a romantic
relationship with you and doesn't get what she wants, there's
disappointment.
The fact that some women may be disappointed sucks, but that's just
the way the ball bounces when you finally stop being the one who
women "dump", and start choosing instead.
Hello...everyone is human here.
And just like YOUR attraction can quickly turn negative when YOU
feel rejected, women are no different.
Isn't amazing how strong positive emotion can be flipped over
suddenly with equally negative strength?
Well, when you are making the decisions about who stays and who
goes in your dating life, the truth is you've just got to be ready
for that. You've still got to make the hard choices.
You'll want to be as respectful as you are direct when calling
things off with a woman (e.g. "I don't think we're a match, and
there's another guy out there who will appreciate you more than I
ever could.), but you've still got to endure that unpleasant moment
for the overall good.
Otherwise, well...you "settle".
Here's a caveat though. Not ALL angry messages from women are
rooted in disappointment, per se.
If you lie, cheat or play games with women in a manner that
disrespects them, you may encounter flat-out anger and resentment.
If, in fact, that's the kind of angry emails and phone calls you are
getting then you've got to check yourself.
After all, we don't need any more guys on this planet leading in a
manner that causes more and more perfectly decent women to
become jaded and bitter towards men, do we?
The first of two simple metrics I would use to measure whether a
guy has been an I/J (idiot/jerk) to women as opposed to
disappointing her is this: Is the message written TO you or AT you?
A woman who is disappointed because she wishes things would have
turned out better will be angry because you didn't choose her.
So generally, she'll rant about your poor decision making skills,
"cluelessness" about "knowing a great woman when you see her",
chide you for "wasting her time", and likely take a decidedly
sarcastic tone in "wishing you luck at finding someone better".
Contrast that with a woman who sends you an itemized list of every
reason why you're the nastiest, slimiest, most evil sleazeball west
of the Pecos.
The personal attacks on your character are a sign you may have
pegged the rev limiter on the jerk-o-meter. Ouch.
Ultimately, though, women who really think your flat-out evil are
equally likely to just slam the door (or the phone) and never
friggin' talk to you again. So you've got to have a read on a
particular woman's personality type here.
Since we're all individuals, you my occasionally encounter a
disgruntled woman who calls you names and stuff even when she's
quite disappointed you no longer have romantic intentions.
Remember this saying from 17th century poet William Congreve:
"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury
like a woman scorned."
Yeah, well, look up "scorned" and get the nuances of the word and
you'll suddenly realize just how profound a thought that was.
Congreve clearly had some experience with women.
So the second yardstick by which I would measure where a woman
is sourcing her anger from would be this: The more she writes, the
more she cares.
The longer the rant, the more emotion she had invested, and perhaps
the more she wishes things had worked out more favorably.
Take those two ideas and consider them as you hold an angry message
from a woman up to the light.
In Brian's example, you can see there was one clearly disappointed
girl back in high school. But fortunately for him, his days of "failing to
deploy" are behind him.
Like Brian, you may feel you're ready to go from "failing to deploy"
to massive success with women.
Believe me, it feels amazing to bypass some of that "middle ground"
and get on the fast track.
Indeed, relatively few will be able to leverage Ten-Plus.
But every guy out there who has the courage to take the bull by the
horns and dedicate himself to greatness with women deserves an
affordable shot at doing so.
So with that in mind, for the first time ever I've bundled all five
of my Amazon best sellers into a discounted package
Between them, you'll have just about every question you could
ever ask about women covered...along with plenty you might
never even have known to ask.
Yes, you still get 10 audio bonuses PER book (50 total), but
now you can download all the books as PDFs (i.e. regular
e-books, not the Kindle ones).
Click the link below to see what's included:
All 5 Amazon Books In PDF Format...Plus 50 Audio Bonuses
Guys who act fast are always the most serious. So I'm going to
leave the door open on this only until midnight on Sunday.
That gives you two days to finally take a crucial step toward
kissing mediocrity with women goodbye forever.
Have a great weekend, and I'll talk to you again soon.
=====
DECODING WOMEN'S MESSAGES
Yesterday morning I received an e-mail.
That message started such an interesting discussion that I had to
share the details with you.
Basically, my friend--let's call him Brian--has been discovering more
and more of his own natural attractiveness to women and in turn
becoming way bolder in his interactions with them.
This is a great thing, of course.
I've lost count of how many guys I've talked to for whom the major
issue is simply recognizing and believing that more women are
already attracted to them than they think. They just need to be
confident of that, and lead.
You know, as in "Relax and have fun...the girls love you."
Well, in Brian's case he is already to the point where he is
approaching women and confidently starting conversations. And
he's much better at figuring out when they're attracted.
The next step, logically, is now cutting out any semblance of
settling and only filling his dating life with the women he
genuinely feels strong attraction toward.
Invariably, this means giving certain women the "just be friends
talk" or, as was the case this past weekend for Brian, telling a
woman things just aren't going to work out--friend or otherwise.
Unfortunately, he did make a rather crucial error in judgment.
He updated his status on Facebook with "Just broke things off with
her...looking forward to what's next."
Suffice it to say one must never, ever hang one's dirty laundry out
on Facebook or Twitter. You've got to remember that everyone
you know can (and will) see what you've written.
Seriously, if you've ever wondered if anyone really reads your
social media missives, all it takes is posting the wrong one to
give you a lightning-fast reality check...right?
So, guess what? One of Brian's female friends from back in high
school took the liberty of writing him and letting him know what
she thought of his "update".
Taking a good four or five solid paragraphs to make her case, said
former female classmate proceeded to tell Brian about how
"insensitive" he has always been, leading women on only to leave
them hanging.
She told him he was basically self-absorbed and narcissistic,
unable to tell when a decent woman was in front of him.
And, of course, she was sure to throw in the inevitable zinger
about how Brian was clearly still too "picky", and how being "such a
perfectionist" was all but certain to guarantee that he'd probably
die alone someday.
Pretty heavy stuff for someone who hasn't been heard from for a
decade, right?
Well, in Brian's email to me he reprinted the Facebook message from
his high school friend and told me he was "pretty devastated" about
it.
From his perspective, the message represented how he "still had a
lot to learn" about relating to women, managing relationships, and--
yes--even being a decent guy.
But all I saw was progress. I saw the difference between a guy who
was blind to the attraction he had sparked in girls back in high
school and the "new look" Brian who was now in control of his dating
life.
The key here is that when you are popular with women and therefore
calling the shots, there are going to be women who aren't happy with
your decisions.
Recognize that this is a clear sign that you are a CHOOSER instead
of a CHASER.
Perhaps ironically, if you chronically "fail to deploy" and never ask
ask any women out, you're still a chooser. "No decision" is still a
decision. It's certainly not chasing.
That was the "choice" Brian had made throughout high school.
But on the other end of the spectrum, with all the variations of
"chasing" women by seeking their approval, putting them on a
pedestal, etc. in between, is the guy who boldly engages women and
still calls the shots.
Amazingly, whichever of the two styles of "choosing" you're
currently engaging in, you're disappointing women. One way or the
other.
Any time there's a particular woman who wants a romantic
relationship with you and doesn't get what she wants, there's
disappointment.
The fact that some women may be disappointed sucks, but that's just
the way the ball bounces when you finally stop being the one who
women "dump", and start choosing instead.
Hello...everyone is human here.
And just like YOUR attraction can quickly turn negative when YOU
feel rejected, women are no different.
Isn't amazing how strong positive emotion can be flipped over
suddenly with equally negative strength?
Well, when you are making the decisions about who stays and who
goes in your dating life, the truth is you've just got to be ready
for that. You've still got to make the hard choices.
You'll want to be as respectful as you are direct when calling
things off with a woman (e.g. "I don't think we're a match, and
there's another guy out there who will appreciate you more than I
ever could.), but you've still got to endure that unpleasant moment
for the overall good.
Otherwise, well...you "settle".
Here's a caveat though. Not ALL angry messages from women are
rooted in disappointment, per se.
If you lie, cheat or play games with women in a manner that
disrespects them, you may encounter flat-out anger and resentment.
If, in fact, that's the kind of angry emails and phone calls you are
getting then you've got to check yourself.
After all, we don't need any more guys on this planet leading in a
manner that causes more and more perfectly decent women to
become jaded and bitter towards men, do we?
The first of two simple metrics I would use to measure whether a
guy has been an I/J (idiot/jerk) to women as opposed to
disappointing her is this: Is the message written TO you or AT you?
A woman who is disappointed because she wishes things would have
turned out better will be angry because you didn't choose her.
So generally, she'll rant about your poor decision making skills,
"cluelessness" about "knowing a great woman when you see her",
chide you for "wasting her time", and likely take a decidedly
sarcastic tone in "wishing you luck at finding someone better".
Contrast that with a woman who sends you an itemized list of every
reason why you're the nastiest, slimiest, most evil sleazeball west
of the Pecos.
The personal attacks on your character are a sign you may have
pegged the rev limiter on the jerk-o-meter. Ouch.
Ultimately, though, women who really think your flat-out evil are
equally likely to just slam the door (or the phone) and never
friggin' talk to you again. So you've got to have a read on a
particular woman's personality type here.
Since we're all individuals, you my occasionally encounter a
disgruntled woman who calls you names and stuff even when she's
quite disappointed you no longer have romantic intentions.
Remember this saying from 17th century poet William Congreve:
"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury
like a woman scorned."
Yeah, well, look up "scorned" and get the nuances of the word and
you'll suddenly realize just how profound a thought that was.
Congreve clearly had some experience with women.
So the second yardstick by which I would measure where a woman
is sourcing her anger from would be this: The more she writes, the
more she cares.
The longer the rant, the more emotion she had invested, and perhaps
the more she wishes things had worked out more favorably.
Take those two ideas and consider them as you hold an angry message
from a woman up to the light.
In Brian's example, you can see there was one clearly disappointed
girl back in high school. But fortunately for him, his days of "failing to
deploy" are behind him.
Like Brian, you may feel you're ready to go from "failing to deploy"
to massive success with women.
Believe me, it feels amazing to bypass some of that "middle ground"
and get on the fast track.
Indeed, relatively few will be able to leverage Ten-Plus.
But every guy out there who has the courage to take the bull by the
horns and dedicate himself to greatness with women deserves an
affordable shot at doing so.
So with that in mind, for the first time ever I've bundled all five
of my Amazon best sellers into a discounted package
Between them, you'll have just about every question you could
ever ask about women covered...along with plenty you might
never even have known to ask.
Yes, you still get 10 audio bonuses PER book (50 total), but
now you can download all the books as PDFs (i.e. regular
e-books, not the Kindle ones).
Click the link below to see what's included:
All 5 Amazon Books In PDF Format...Plus 50 Audio Bonuses
Guys who act fast are always the most serious. So I'm going to
leave the door open on this only until midnight on Sunday.
That gives you two days to finally take a crucial step toward
kissing mediocrity with women goodbye forever.
Have a great weekend, and I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
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