[X&Y] How To Own The Room, Even If You're Introverted (Seriously)
Published: Sun, 02/05/23
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IN THIS EDITION: Do you think that as an introverted
type the women aren't going to go for you as much as
some "party guy"? If you've ever let that thought creep
into your head, read on...
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HOW TO OWN THE ROOM, EVEN IF YOU'RE INTROVERTED
Not all of us have the same personality type, do we?
Well, the good news is that we don't have to be uber-outgoing
"party guys" in order to attract women. That's a myth.
As long as there yet exists a "strong silent type" persona that
carries archetypal mystique in the imaginations of certain women,
the reality shall remain that there just isn't a blanket solution
when it comes to identifying one single and all-conquering "type"
that is sure to attract all women.
To illustrate this further, consider how "cocky/funny" is powerfully
effective stuff...but only with women who find it, well, powerfully
effective.
Some genuinely attractive women just don't resonate with it for
whatever reason. That's life.
But wait a minute. How then is the "strong silent guy" supposed to
stand out in the loud, flamboyant, larger-than-life world of "night
game" if he isn't up to the "peacocking" challenge?
The truth is a guy with an introverted personality may have
incredible potential for igniting attraction in certain women.
But how can he effectively convey that in a bar full of people?
That really is a good question.
In offering a potential answer to it, let's focus on a key scenario
in a bar/club setting.
Almost always, night time pick-up strategy begins with approaching
a woman (or group of women) you've never met before.
This potentially involves having the flat-out confidence and energy
to be a part of a larger group of people and taking charge of it.
The guy who controls the mood and the flow of a group of people
(be they all women or mixed company) is the guy who is best
positioned for creating attraction among the women of that group.
This makes sense. Once you've mastered "working the crowd", as
the best stand-up comedians are known for, you can often find
yourself in the envious position of taking your pick as to which
woman you'd like to single out for a more private conversation.
Conventional wisdom says this requires a gregarious personality
of the extreme sort.
Not so fast.
The most powerful boardroom chairmen--and indeed the most
effective U.S. presidents--tend to have something in common
when it comes to group dynamics.
And I believe it's a valuable secret that introverted guys can
learn from when it comes to winning over a room full of people.
Their secret is this: they are fantastic listeners. What's more,
they are equally adept at involving others and evaluating opinions.
John F. Kennedy in particular was known for being able to hold a
group of high level dignitaries and/or cabinet members at absolute
rapt attention.
Bear in mind these groups were typically composed of men with
immense egos.
Yet, JFK actually said relatively little.
Instead, he urged involvement from particular individuals at the
table with him and paid full attention to their input.
When any one person had completed his thought, he would quickly
hand off the subject to someone else. Often he would enact the
transition by simply asking another person to "continue the thought"
or "offer his or her opinion".
Invariably, the culmination of all this was a great desire on the
part of those at the table to finally hear Kennedy's word on the
matter.
Not once having elbowed his way into the conversation to exert his
views, by the time he spoke all eyes were trained upon his and all
ears were hanging on his every word.
A man of great character may be confident, masculine and very much
a leader. But he might not necessarily be "the life of the party".
The untold truth, however, is that he can indeed emerge as the most
overwhelmingly attractive man in the group even at a bar or club...
if he can do what JFK could.
Lead. Listen. Care. Earn respect and in the process you will
have the full attention of some high-quality women.
Will this work always? Will it be effective everywhere?
Nothing is...not even the more mainstream pickup tactics, right?
But if you are an introverted man, what we've discussed here today
is one serious and more natural alternative to attempting to force
a persona that doesn't fit.
By the way, whatever your personality type try JFK's attitude on
for size at work sometime. Watch your career gain forward mobility
as a direct result.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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