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IN THIS EDITION:  What if you find out a woman you like is dating
other guys?  Most guys think there are only two possible responses.
But there's a "hidden" third...and it could be the one that's killing
your chances every time.

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WHAT TO DO IF SHE'S DATING OTHER GUYS


If you've been reading this newsletter for a while, you've long
since realized that I strongly advocate dating several women at
once.   Life is way too short to be a "serial dater".

You've got to learn quickly what it is you really want in a great
woman, and how to evaluate whether a particular woman fits the
parameters or not.

Otherwise, you're likely to settle for less than who you really want
in your life.

That's a solid plan, and I've shared with you in the past
(particularly in The Leading Man) how you can be perfectly up-front
and honest with women about your plans and intentions when dating
multiple women.

And women will often respond in a reasonable manner as long as
they're told the truth.

But here's the tricky part.

While a shockingly high percentage of the women you date will
actually choose to date no guys other than you--even after they
know where you stand--there are also bound to be women who are not
only reserving their right to date other guys...they're acting on it.

That's their prerogative outside of an exclusive relationship with
you, of course.  But even so, it's not always the easiest thing to
deal with psychologically when she starts talking about it openly,
is it?

So what do you do when this happens?

Let's break down the possibilities.

For starters, most guys who feel like they've been hit by a truck
upon hearing that a woman is dating multiple guys are usually
coming from a perspective of having limited options.

Now, I fully get that it takes time to go from having marginal
success with women to having that full slate of 4-6 of them in your
life that I often talk about.

So things can get particularly dicey if you REALLY like a woman who
is sitting across from you, she's the ONLY woman you happen to be
dating at the moment, AND THEN she casually mentions something
about another guy she is seeing.

Your first thought may be to find out as much about the other guy
as you can.

What does he look like?  What kind of job does he have?  What kind
of car does he drive?

And if you lack personal discipline enough to suppress your
curiosity in this regard, you'll go ahead and blurt out such
questions.

But in doing so, you'll betray your insecurities.  After all,
you'll be obviously attempting to sort out possible comparisons
with him in your mind--probably, as human nature would have it,
according to your own limiting beliefs.

In other words, if you think your car sucks, that's when you most
likely to ask about his.

Bad idea.

It's even a WORSE idea to try to qualify yourself by asking
boneheaded questions like, "So do you like me better?"  Ouch.

Deep down, I think most of us who have spent any time improving our
skills with women fully realize that responding in the manner I've
just delineated spells certain doom.

Nonetheless, some guys just can't help themselves from doing it.
Just like some women can't help asking such questions when they
find out YOU'RE dating other women, right?

Nevertheless, we instinctively know that there's a much better way
to respond.

That would be to conduct oneself with pure confidence, perhaps
responding to her mention of another guy with something to the
effect of, "Well, you SHOULD be dating other guys.  I'm really glad
you aren't going to be one of those women who falls in love after a
week and gets all clingy...I'm getting kind of sick of that.  It's
good that we can just enjoy each other's company."

When you respond like that, you get her attention.  You serve notice
that you are not intimidated, and you get a golden opportunity to
convey to her that you are a "man in demand" with at least as many
options as she does.

As a result, you set yourself apart from any other guys she has
been hanging out with.

You match her position of desirability, and you serve notice that
you're "the man in demand".

But all of that takes A LOT of intestinal fortitude.  It's "advanced
level" stuff to pull off the right words in that situation backed
by the right attitude.

Unless you really are dating multiple women and really are almost
relieved that she isn't getting the female version of "one-itis",
you're going to risk coming off as inauthentic.

And we all want to avoid that.

So given the two options--utter neediness vs. calling the situation
out with confidence--what do most guys do?

Well, unfortunately, they usually opt for the "hidden" third option.

They do NOTHING.

That's right...they either stick their head in the sand like an
ostrich, or they go into total denial.

This is usually characterized by a rapid subject change, a sudden
excuse to go to the men's room, or an awkward silence on the phone.

Once the initial pain or uneasiness of the news is over, we tend to
slog through the rest of the interaction.  And she's happy to oblige.

Well...guess what?

While most guys recognize that they do not want to appear "needy"
by asking a bunch of dumb questions, what they don't realize is
that by avoiding the issue altogether they actually come off as
badly or even worse than if they had become Dr. Clingy McNeedy.

Why?

Because instead of at least taking the bull by the horns and
finding out what's up, avoidance or denial portrays you as a
hopelessly passive man who is either unwilling or unable to face a
challenge.

Plus, you're likely to start running through all the possibilities
in your head.  Picturing her with that other guy.  Imagining that
other guy as being some sort of stud in every way you perceive
yourself NOT to be.

Basically, you'll drive yourself nuts laying awake at night.

All the while, had you responded from a position of strength as we
discussed before, she may have ended up volunteering to you that the
other guy wasn't as high a priority as you are to her.

But by avoiding the issue altogether instead, you'll never know for
sure.

Next stop?  Total loss of attraction on her part.

No wait, check that.

The next stop would probably be her manipulating you at will for
some fixed period of time, followed by total loss of attraction on
her part.

After all, you will have failed to deploy when it comes to anything
and everything that represents true masculinity from a woman's
perspective.

Here's a hint:  Passivity and denial are pretty much the antitheses
of courage and character.

So the next time you find out that a woman you are attracted to is
dating other guys, what are you going to do?

Asking needy questions is OUT of the question, of course.

And pretending she never said anything is even worse, as you now
know.

Instead, can you recognize that offering your approval to her
dating other guys really is the best option, no matter if YOU are
dating other women at the time or not?

With that in mind, can operating as a man who perceives himself to
have options become the preferred path to follow in these
situations?

And can you be authentic in doing so, knowing the gravity of the
alternatives?

As counter-intuitive as it sounds, your confident approval of her
dating others is actually your best chance of becoming the one she
ultimately favors.

When she perceives you as having options, she's more likely to
accurately recognize that you are HER best option.

A woman's natural tendency is typically to want to keep the greatest
man she has ever met in her life.

You are WAY better off getting her to wonder how SHE'S going to earn
YOUR ultimate favor than giving her the impression that you are
scrambling to compete for her.

So how about it?  Can you relate to what we talked about today?

Have you ever found yourself focused on earning the attention of
one woman...only to find out that she's got options and you don't?

If so, rest assured that most, if not all of us as guys have been
there.

In fact, most of us have been through the manipulation and eventual
disappointment that often comes from women having the upper hand in
relationships.

We try and try...only to fail at keeping her interested.  In fact,
it's as if the more we "try and try", the more likely it is that we
WILL fail.

The irony of it all...

Meanwhile, the truth is that women don't even WANT to have the
"upper hand".

Instead, they want a man they can respect.

And that's a man who makes decisions with confidence and operates
from a position of strength rather than from weakness.

It's all about deserving what you want and getting the success with
women you've always known was possible.

And I'll talk to you again soon...


Be Good,

Scot McKay





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