[X&Y] How To Bounce Back After A Major Hit To Your Confidence

Published: Sat, 02/25/23



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HOW TO BOUNCE BACK AFTER A MAJOR HIT TO YOUR
CONFIDENCE


There is a truly bizarre way that people who have MAJOR self-
confidence problems tend to view social situations with MOTOS
(members of the other sex).

Recently I talked about how certain guys allow one negative
comment from a woman they've put on a pedestal to crater their
confidence for months, years, or even decades.

For example, let's say a guy is self-conscious about a certain
limiting belief.  He then approaches a woman who responds with,
"Oh come on...don't you know that women HATE guys who are
[insert limiting belief here]?"

The guy then regards her comment as if she has spoken God's
Truth on behalf of every single woman on Earth.

Dejection ensues.

Any rational third party looking on would tell that guy to snap
the hell out of it.  But the self-talk of the self-conscious is often
too strong for that to make any difference.

I've identified an even MORE insidious pattern that's along
those same lines, but even more tragic.

Amazingly, if someone's self-confidence has really been beaten
down they can actually talk themselves into believing that even
POSITIVE statements by others are actually nothing more than a
forced "pleasantry".

Even worse, they may see it as thinly-veiled sarcasm, if not a
"trap" designed to make it easy to ridicule them should they fall
for it.

That's right.  They start hearing POSITIVES as NEGATIVES.

This phenomenon is not gender-specific.  Nevertheless, we'll look
at it from the guy's perspective for the sake of convenience.

So for example, if a guy meets a woman she might smile and say,
"Hi.  Nice to meet you."  If the guy is afflicted by the unfortunate
problem I'm speaking of, he'll think to himself, "Yeah, right...she's
probably laughing her ass off at me inside.  She's just being nice.
I bet she really can't wait until I leave so she doesn't have to talk
to me anymore."

I know, I know.  It's twisted, isn't it?  In the true sense of the word,
no less.

I've watched this happen before my very eyes.  You can just see
the file cards of "self-talk" being flipped through in the guy's mind,
even as a pretty woman is being perfectly friendly to him.

A woman might even go so far as to say, "You have pretty eyes"
to a guy, only for him to think, "Right.  She's just reaching for
whatever she can.  She thinks the rest of me is disgusting."

As crazy as all of this sounds, I'm not saying for a second that
the worst case scenario could NEVER happen.

I think we've all heard of those horrific "Heifer Night" deals
where some smart ass fraternity holds an event where the point
is to get the least attractive girl you can find to be your date.

Then they get all the girls there and just humiliate them in public.

A LOT of innocent women have been pretty much scarred for life
by that stuff.

But notwithstanding that, I will say that in the VAST MAJORITY of
social situations you can and should take people at face value,
even beautiful women who you've somehow talked yourself into
believing are "out of your league".

If she says she's glad to meet you, you know what?  My guess is she
IS happy to meet you. 

And if she says you have pretty eyes, I'm thinking it's probably
because you have pretty eyes.

But the real question is can YOU take what she says at face value?

Or are you going to continue doubting yourself even when others
are ACTIVELY trying to encourage you?

Next time, go ahead and take the risk.  Believe a woman MEANS
what she's saying.

Remember, burning in silent rage because she's suddenly perceived
as having ill intentions isn't the reasonable or productive way to
handle things, nor is it the CORRECT one in the vast majority of
cases.

For what it's worth, neither is saying, "Oh no I don't" if she
compliments you, or returning friendliness with self-protective
sarcasm.

Have you ever had someone respond to YOU that way?  It's kind
of a bummer, isn't it?

Instead, try a simple "thank you" or mirroring her positive demeanor.

That's the best way to get on the road to recovery from this hardcore
confidence-killing problem.

My educated guess is that as you proactively take action in a more
socially conventional way, you'll soon figure out that everything
turns out FINE.

Your worst fears were unfounded.

Lo and behold, people usually do MEAN what they say when they're
being friendly and/or complimentary.

And then, as if by magic, you'll see your confidence improve...and
it will do so organically, without having to "fake it 'til you make it".
 



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