[X&Y] The "Power Perspective" On First Dates

Published: Thu, 01/12/23


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WHAT'S INSIDE:  What is the REAL advantage to "first meetings" vs.
"first dates"?

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THE "POWER PERSPECTIVE" ON FIRST DATES


There is some commotion among dating experts over whether a "first
meeting" and a "first date" are the same thing or not.

I happen to believe they are not.

Assuming that's true, the best way I know how to make the point is
to define the differences that set them apart.

In my mind, a "first date" refers to an event where both the man
and the woman KNOW they're there because they're clearly interested
in each other romantically.

A "first meeting", on the other hand, is a meeting between a man
and a woman where any "romantic intent" is still undecided, or at
the very least hasn't been verbally clarified yet.

So in other words, if you ask out someone who you work with or who
is in one of your college classes, it's safe not to kid yourself.

She's going to know you're interested in her, and you can pretty
much guess she's at least potentially interested in you.

After all, you've already MET each other before.

But if you've been e-mailing some chick online back and forth and
finally pull the trigger on seeing what she's like in person, THAT
get-together would be a "first meeting".

In that case you're actually meeting for the first time.

Fair enough?

Okay, then.

On the surface, you might imagine that it would universally rock to
be on a "first date" rather than a "first meeting".  After all, the
"intentions" are out on the table.

But not so fast. 

Here are two compelling reasons why "first meetings" might result
in greater overall dating success because, perhaps ironically, they
can actually lead to a better "first date" later:


 
1)  You Create An Extra Level Of Anticipatory Energy


Sure, someone you've never met before could have completely
misrepresented herself, resulting in an awkward situation when
you're finally face-to-face.

But for the purposes here, let's assume things go well.

Because you had never met the woman before, you correctly planned
a brief, inexpensive meeting just to pre-evaluate each other.

You know, a morning rendezvous at Starbucks for 30 minutes before
you both had to go to work, for example.

Short and sweet, with a hard stop.

Since things went well, you know already that there's attraction.
When you say you want to see her again and she agrees, you've
immediately got something to look forward to.

And compared to the situation when two people who've known each
other for a while (or even a little while, for that matter) go on a
first date, this is all brand new.

The particularly intense anticipatory energy that ensues all but
ensures that your actual first date will be practically electric.

She'll be like a little kid at Christmas time counting down the
minutes.

That doesn't suck.


 
2)  The Pressure Is Off The Table


OK, here's where the ninja genius of going on a "first date"
after going through the motions of a "first meeting" really grabs a
hold of your collar and shakes you.

Check it out.  Since you've already agreed to see each other again,
you know there's some mutual attraction there.

As such, the dreaded first date pressure is completely in the
rear-view mirror (or should be, at least).

You can actually plan something somewhat "date-ish" (e.g. ice
skating, not Ruth's Chris Steakhouse) with confidence, pretty
much assured that a total disaster is likely not looming ahead.

Oh, and by the way...psychologically, such a first date will feel
like a second date.   It's as if the whole "first date" ritual
was bypassed completely.

This means, among other things, that if she doesn't usually kiss
on the first date, she might kiss you on THIS one after all.  Get
the idea?



So let's sum this up. 

When you go out with someone you know socially already, you've
got to make sure you get all aspects of a full-on first date down pat.

That can involve a lot of pressure, if you let it.

But when you don't know someone very well, you should have a
"get to know you meeting" first.  In that context, brevity and the low
cost factor aren't only acceptable, they're expected.

So in that first meeting scenario, you get the uncomfortable
(i.e. bad) aspects usually associated with a "first date" out of
the way quickly and without hassle.

Then, your actual "first date" with that person is highly
anticipated but pressure-free (i.e. good).  Let the "fireworks"
begin.

Outstanding.  Chalk one up for online dating, and maybe even
blind dates.
 



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