[X&Y] WinkiPedia

Published: Sun, 04/02/23


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WHAT'S INSIDE:  Winking is a bizarre human behavior.  What does it
mean? And the better question:  Is there any way to do so when
flirting with women that doesn't make you look like a total dork?

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LIFE IS BETTER WHEN WOMEN LOVE YOU


Yesterday I invited you to a world where virtually all women adore you.

And yes, I heard from some of you who still doubt that such a possibility
even exists.

Well, first off know this. I respect what you may have been through.

Some women will use us, spend our money, cheat on us and then blame
us for all of it...getting away with everything all the while, even as we're
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I understand that happens. I've lived through some hardcore
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But let me tell you... You can have control over how women treat you
from this day forward.

And you can also have control over the kind of women you attract.

That means you stand at a fork in the road. 

Will you choose the high quality women who bring you joy or the ones
who'll make your life miserable?

Will the kind of women you actually want LOVE you...or (at best)
IGNORE you?

Will the right women see you as a leader and get sexually turned on
by you, or will you let the WRONG ones walk all over you...again?

Female Persuasion is my program that's designed to give you the
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WINKING THAT WORKS


The topic of winking hasn't been written about a whole lot, at
least as far as I've seen.

Nevertheless, it's a fascinating subject indeed. Winking is one of
those stereotypical--if not downright archetypal--flirting behaviors.
 
Yet, it's also the one that almost instantaneously causes us to
roll our eyes when we think about actually DOING it, right?

After all, for most of us our immediate reaction is that going
around winking at women is pretty lame.

Well, having thought about this, I'm convinced that's because
we've been jaded by show business, where the only winks we
seem to remember--at least in a mixed gender context--are the
lame ones.
 
Chevy Chase's awkward chance meeting with Christie Brinkley in
Vacation comes to mind, as do old reruns of the Benny Hill Show.   

Hilarious...but not in a flattering way.
 
So what's up with that?  If winking at women is so friggin' silly,
how can it remain such an enduring symbol of male/female
flirtation?

Here's what I think.  I think most of us completely miss the
subtlety of what winking REALLY conveys.

Here's a hint.  It's not (or at least shouldn't be) about, "I'm
attracted to you...let's get down and boogie."

In reality, it's more accurate to say that a wink is the international
symbol for "I have a secret...and it involves YOU".

Put that one to the test any time you see someone wink at someone
else from now on.  When you note a well-placed wink, that's almost
always what it's subcommunicating.

But here's the thing.
 
When it comes to flirting in particular, when you haven't earned
attraction yet it's indeed lame to wink at a woman under the
presumption that she would care what your "secret" is.
 
But when you have the confidence to know you are desirable, it can
work.  The key is to remember that the wink is meant to create
INTRIGUE, not attraction.
 
The wink has to be in the presence of attraction in order to be
meaningful, sort of like photosynthesis in the plant world can only
happen in the presence of sunlight.
 
This is a crucial distinction that absolutely MUST be understood.  
But when you DO understand it, all the doors to highly effective
winking flirtation are suddenly flung open for you.

I have examples for you forthcoming, but first I have a confession
to make.
 
I didn't simply dream up the idea of writing about winking today on
my own.

As is often the case, the topic was inspired by talking to one of
YOU during a coaching call.

Specifically, the discussion was about "winking" in the context of
online dating.

I now find it more interesting than ever that Match.com adopted the
term "winking" to refer to that quick-hit attention giving mechanism
of theirs that allows you to forego the effort of writing a full-on
e-mail to someone.

"Winking" is the quintessentially perfect paradigm for that.

If someone's profile is inherently attractive, the wink intrigues
you.  And sure enough, plenty of us get all hot and bothered when
an attractive woman "winks" at us online.
 
Her "secret" is that she has noticed you, and you should write her
to see what happens.

And see?  If SHE has the confidence ahead of time to believe you'll
find her profile attractive--and sure enough you do--then the wink
WORKS.   You'll waste no time in writing her back.

But on the other hand, if you're someone who's expected to
demonstrate some "big four" traits, like making a woman feel safe
in your presence and showing that you know how to take initiative,
the online dating wink is a deal breaker.
 
Therefore, in case it's not already abundantly clear, almost all
winks by men to women online are deal breaker in the eyes of
women.  They really wish you'd have the stones to write a real
e-mail.
 
In the real world, though?  Rest assured, not all of us have to
come off like Clark Griswold.  At least not necessarily.

Think about it.  All of those dorky, awkward Hollywood winks
usually are from guys who haven't actually met the woman they're
winking at yet.

All you really need is to know the right context for when winking
can hold some very real power.

And no, that's NOT going to be when you first notice a woman from
across the room.
 
But once you've begun to interact with a woman and the attraction
is created, THEN there are some golden winks that can really convey
the right message...at precisely the right time.

Here are five examples off the top of my head:


 
1)    The "I've Got It Under Control" Wink  


Let's say you're talking to a woman, and perhaps there are other
people around also.
 
Suddenly, something minor comes up that requires immediate
attention.  It could be anything, really.  Use your imagination.
 
You turn to the woman and flash her a quick wink, accompanied by
the kind of facial expression you'd give someone as if to say,
"Yeah, that's reasonable enough."

She'll instinctively sense that you're about to take care of what
needs to be dealt with, and that you're going to do it effectively.
 
The "secret" between you and her in this context is that you're
going to handle this right now without the matter being up for
discussion between you and perhaps some other dude who might step
in.
 
This gives women butterflies.


 
2)    The "I've Just Got Someone's Back And I'm Going To Keep
Suave About It" Wink


You can think of this particular wink as the "post-event" version
of the one I described above.
 
When you've just taken care of matters--especially as a direct favor
to someone else on the spot--and the world is back to normal thanks
to your deft response, it's obviously NOT a good idea to crow
loudly about how great you are for being such a hero.

Everyone will already have that figured out, and you should be wise
enough to recognize it.

So at that point you subtly gaze over at the hottest woman in the
room (preferably the one you arrived with or plan to leave with, if
applicable) and wink at her.  The look on your face should say,
"Yeah, that's right...no big deal".

The subtle conveyance here is that everything is expected to return
to normal now.
 
But the "secret" you've just conveyed to the woman you winked at is
that having gotten the job done is a perfectly normal and expected
circumstance, so there's no need to thank you.

But she's going to think you're amazing.  Nice.


 
3)    The "We're The Only Two People Who Get It" Wink


Let's say you're in a business meeting with a woman whom you're
particularly attracted to.
 
One of the reasons you're attracted to her (and probably her to you
as well) is because you naturally "get" each other.  There's a very
real chemistry between the two of you.

Now, let's say someone comes up with an idea or an issue that
either you or her has some particular input on.

And let's say that everyone in the room thinks your input is
fantastic, but you and she both know that your lives are about to
get a little bit easier because the group agreed with what you
said....but they don't exactly need to know that.

You casually glance over to your female friend and wink...with a look
that ever so slightly conveys "Yep...bingo. It's in the bag."

It can be flat-out powerful to wink in this way any time either you
OR she says something that has hidden depth that only she could
understand, be it in the form of a potential benefit, consequence,
etc.
 
Sometimes, if you believe it's especially important that someone
else in the room gets the subtle undercurrent of what you're
saying, you may even wish to acknowledge that person and wink WHILE
SAYING IT...just to make sure.

That particular variation on this wink is especially common during
meetings that involve negotiation between two sides.
But from a male/female perspective here, it's much more fun to
flash the wink after the fact.
 
Don't be surprised if she giggles under her breath when you do so,
although she really should be better at keeping her composure than
that.
 
But hey, maybe she won't be able to help herself.


 
4)    The "I Approve" Wink


A subtle variation of what we're talking about here could be called
The "There You Go" Wink.

Let's say a woman has asked for your help with something, as women
often do.  You explain it to her, and suddenly the light bulb goes
off.

All you have to do is nod...and wink.

You haven't made a big deal out of helping her, and you've subtly
made it clear that you are proud of her for understanding.

You've just given approval without gushing approval.  How killer is
that?


 
5)    The "Here's Looking At You, Kid" Wink  


Man, you've just got to love Bogey.  He wasn't particularly
handsome, but he was smooth as silk when necessary.

Leave it to him to be the inspiration for this wink.

When you say goodnight to a woman (or leave her presence anytime,
really), you flash this wink right after saying farewell to her,
thereby communicating that you like her, will miss her, and would
like to see her again.

Importantly, you also subcommunicate in a sort of supernatural way
that the "secret" is safe with you that she actually likes YOU and
can't wait to see YOU again also.

Compare this non-verbal masterpiece with any and every form of
ridiculous utterance of, "Uh...I had a nice time", "Can I see you
again?" and/or (God forbid) "So...did you have fun?  Do you like me?"

She knows you'll call her back.  And she likes that about you.



6) The "Wink Of Appreciation"


This is a non-verbal way of saying, "Hey, thank you."   It's best used
in very casual circumstances best served with brevity and/or silence,
or when the person you'd like to thank is across the room or otherwise
out of earshot.

This wink might be accompanied by the quick nod and the "sure, thing...
sounds good" type of facial expression.



By now you're smart enough to have figured out that many of the
scenarios I've shared can be useful with just about anyone you know
and interact with, not only women.

Winking really is for cool guys, not just dorks.

But when you use winking effectively with women you're attracted
to, there's just another whole dynamic there.  It can be nothing short
of magical.

After all, when you get right down to it, winking is about shared
connection.
 
Without any attraction on either side, that "connection" is simply
business like.

When attraction is one-sided, it's creepy.  There IS no "connection",
really.

But when attraction is mutual, winking to acknowledge a "shared
secret" increases perceived intimacy and can be really HOT.
 
And no doubt, there will be certain glorious moments that you will
be able to combine multiple iterations of these winks into one.

For example, in the movie The Quick And The Dead, Leonardo
DiCaprio ends up in a showdown against his Dad, played by Gene
Hackman.
 
The two gunslingers meet at a specified time in the center of town,
and all the townspeople gather to watch the spectacle.
 
DiCaprio's character is a particularly cocky kid, and as he walks
out to the street to face his dad, he flashes a wink to a group of
pretty girls that somehow encompasses all six of the above
examples I gave.
 
It's freaking great, actually.  If you've seen that part of the
movie, I'm pretty sure you weren't reminded at all of Clark
Griswold or Benny Hill.


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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