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WHAT'S INSIDE:  How can you tell for sure when a woman is blowing
smoke at you?  Here are eight ways to get a handle on the situation
every time...

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9 WAYS TO TUNE UP YOUR "FLUFF DETECTOR"


I'm not sure exactly.  Maybe it was the seven years I spent working
with gang kids.  

Perhaps I've been conditioned by those eleven years' worth of
high-pressure dealings with telecom companies.  

Or, more likely, it was that last five years of dating before I met
Emily that got me to this point.

But there's no denying it.  I have a "smoke detector" that would
make Judge Judy jealous.

Let me explain.  I make it a point to look for the best in people,
and I believe I do my part in bringing it out in them.   And as an
adopted Texan a handshake means something to me.  

But I'll tell you what, there's wisdom in training ourselves to
recognize when someone's trying to deceive us...and courage in
having the self-esteem to accept that we're being flim-flammed
and to call it out.

For some unknown reason, such trickery is particularly prevalent in
the dating world.  Here are eight examples of the many ways women
try to dupe us (and us them at times also--don't kid yourself) into
accepting ridiculous circumstances:



1)    "Get in touch with me and we'll make plans."


Said as a response to interest expressed by someone else.  

At best a person who replies with this is on the fence about
whether or not to go out with you.  At worst, they've already made
the decision.  

Either way, don't count on it happening.  If this were a promising
situation, you would be hearing more details.  



2)    "Call me on that day and we'll set a time for the date."


Translation:  "Yeah, well...I think I need some extra time to work
out the details of how I'm going to end up flaking out on you."    

Let this person rearrange his or her sock drawer in peace.



3)    "Oh, him?  He's just a friend."


Let's assume for a moment, hopefully correctly, that you are not a
pathologically jealous loser.  

Fair enough?  

Okay, then...if you had to ask this question, her "friend" ISN'T JUST
A FRIEND.  

And if the woman of your affection DOES operate with his or her
"friends" in a manner that fuels speculation otherwise, why put
yourself through being concerned about it?  

Find someone with integrity.  Which, of course, segues nicely into
the next bullet point...



4)    "I think we should just be friends."


Long utilized as a de facto standard by disinterested people
everywhere, this signals that all attraction is now lost--if there
ever was any to begin with.  

Sometimes a person really, truly does want to remain friends with
someone despite an utter lack of romant-o-sexual^(TM) chemistry.   

But such a mindset requires immense integrity on the part of
someone who has true character.  Knowing how rare that is, rest
assured that this line is typically employed an allegedly "nice"
way to actually end things altogether.



5)    "I'm not ready for a relationship."


Followed mentally by, "...at least not until someone comes along who
is more targeted towards who I am looking for than you are."  

Argue with me if you must on this one.  I've seen people who were
just "hurt bad" by someone, "focused on work" and/or "getting in
touch with 'self' right now" meet someone who really rocks their
world.  

Then all of this crazy talk about "not being ready" goes out the
window.  It happens ALL THE TIME.  

Deep down, unless we are in a coma we all are ready to "relate" to
someone--as long as it's the right someone.



6)    "Maybe..."

7)    "I've been really busy."


This is simply a metaphor for "you are not a priority".  

You and I both know that it's basic human nature to move mountains
in order to create huge blocks of time out of the "busiest" of
schedules when we meet someone we are truly crazy about.  

Don't shout me down for telling the truth.



8)    "I have a family emergency."


Call this "The Battle Cry Of The Breadcrumbers".

It's creates a perfect storm if someone really wants to flake on you,
but knows they'll look terrible for doing so at the last minute.

Unfortunately for them, the lie only makes them look worse...and
probably doesn't make them feel much better.

What it potentially DOES, however, is keep you on the hook for
whatever brief amount of time it takes for the perpetrator to figure
out what they really want to do with you (or not).

This one has gained in popularity in recent years.  But don't be
fooled.  Consider how many real, actual, legit family emergencies
you've had in your entire life.  Chances are you're hearing this
excuse a LOT more often.

One time I hired five young women for an event, which I'll admit
wasn't particularly presented to them as well as it could have been.

All five of them called with a "family emergency" the day of the
event.



9)    "I have to be home early and/or get up early tomorrow."


Ah, yes...the trickiest one of all.  

Sometimes this one really is TRUE.  

What a bummer to have to play this card at face value.  After all,
most of the time this is what falls out of the mouth of someone who
wants to bail out of a date IMMEDIATELY.  

So how can you tell the difference?  

Simple.  If it comes out of LEFT FIELD and without any elaboration,
there's a 100% chance she wants out...now.  

On the other hand, if you are told ahead of time about it you can
put some stock in the statement...ESPECIALLY if she bends rules a bit
when the pre-determined hour arrives and chooses to stay out a bit
later.  

Additionally, when a woman legitimately has to get home early you
are likely to be BOMBARDED with heartfelt apologies and proactive
suggestions about when and where she'll see you again.  



I know that you've likely heard some of these examples before.  In
fact, I'm willing to bet that you've even uttered some of them
yourself.  

Either way, it comes down to something other than a desire to be
blatantly deceitful.  

I believe all this "smoke blowing" is rooted in nothing other than
sheer cowardice.  People just don't have the guts to tell other
people the truth.  

So they lie.

My stand on the matter is that we're all adults around here and
tactful positioning of the TRUTH is always more productive for
everyone involved in the dating world than laying false hope on
someone.  

Never mind that whoever is subject to such mental gymnastics would
have to be naïve and/or flat-out obsessed to believe any of it.  
That's beside the point.

Yet, many of us are serving up more "whoppers" than Burger King
when it comes to dealing with people who are interested in us.  

Stop that.  Be honest with people.  

And be honest with YOURSELF when you are hearing any of the lines
above.  What we often consider "tried and true" lines to feed one
another are actually "tired and FALSE".   Deserve what you want.


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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