[X&Y] 6 Reasons Why Women Want To "Take It Slow" (And What To Do About It)
Published: Mon, 05/01/23
IN THIS EDITION: Is the woman you're most interested in putting
the brakes on, even though you're ready to go full speed ahead?Here's what might be going on...and what you should do about it.
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WHAT TO DO WHEN SHE WANTS TO "TAKE IT SLOW"
(PART ONE)
(PART ONE)
It's frustrating isn't it?
You've met a woman you really like and you're all for following the
normal, reasonable path to seeing where things go with her.
But for some reason she wants to slam on the brakes and "take it
slow". What's up with that?
Well, the rookie mindset would be to try to "power through" the
whole thing and sort of convince her to drop her defenses (or
whatever) and just go with the flow.
But here's the thing. Not all of these situations are created
equal.
While it's true that sometimes women might give you lame excuses
because they're still on the fence about you, other times their
reasons for not moving at your pace might be based on experience.
How can you tell the difference? And better yet, how can you
figure out how to lead accordingly?
In this two-part series I'll show you exactly how to sort everything
out. Let's start today by examining six very real reasons for "taking
it slow" in her mind, each of which you should
take seriously.
1) Very Recent Breakup
Different people handle breakups in different ways. Some
bounce back pretty quickly and are ready to meet someone else
almost immediately. Others, not so much.
If she tells you that she's just broken up with someone and is
still pretty broken up over it herself, go ahead and give her
plenty of space...for now. Believe me, the last thing you need is to
be the "shoulder she cries on" because she's not over her ex yet.
Well, actually...the LAST thing you need is for her to get back with
her ex after you've invested time and emotion in her.
No kidding. Trying to get into a relationship with a woman who
still has one foot in the last one is an exercise in utter futility.
Oh, and for what it's worth, if she's merely "separated" from her
husband then that means there hasn't even officially been a breakup
yet. Just sayin'.
2) History Of Abuse
I'm not going to attempt to get inside the mind of a woman who has
experienced physical or sexual abuse in the past. There are far
too many variables there.
But let's just say for the purposes at hand that if a woman
verbalizes to you that she has trouble moving forward in
male/female relationships because she has been traumatized in the
past then you are NOT going to be able to simply "snap her out of
it".
She's going to need real, professional help with that, and anyone
with a romantic interest in her isn't in a position to give it to
her.
Note that I am not talking about a relatively benign situation
where she just had some I/J (idiot/jerk) do something dumb and
temporarily shock her senses of what a real man should be like.
You CAN indeed influence that, and you can start by boldly
informing her that you are not that other guy.
Rather, I'm talking about a woman who is truly damaged
emotionally here.
3) Impending Relocation
If she tells you she just accepted a job two thousand miles
away and is therefore being extra careful not to get into a
relationship, you might want to respect that.
Mind you, she has the right to go out and be social with MOTOS
(members of the other sex) before she moves, but she also has the
right to NOT fall in love with any of them if she can help it.
Decide for yourself if you're okay with that, and proceed
accordingly. If said decision involves you dropping everything and
following her to Seattle, I'd give that some serious thought before
proceeding. Please trust me on that one.
Our next point follows logically from this one...
4) Distance
Okay, so what if she's already two thousand miles away?
Whether you want to face up to it or not, long-distance
relationships SUCK. I wouldn't wish one on my worst enemy.
So sure, you might view things from an idealistic perspective and
have let your emotions run amok. But meanwhile, she might exercise
better judgment. If that's the case, the more you pressure her the
worse your life is going to get.
It's far easier (and better) for both of you if you find someone
else local who you can actually SEE sometimes.
Whether it pisses you off or not to hear me say this, I've been
around the block by now and I can definitively state that belief in
"one true soulmate" really is a hallmark of those without options.
5) Specific Demands On Her Time
If she's an accountant and the calendar says it's April 1st, she's
just not going to have a lot of time for you over the next two
weeks.
Similarly, if she's got a bar exam to pass, she'd be nothing short
of irresponsible were she to blow off studying right now to be with
you instead.
The bottom line is that if she's got a clear-cut, objective reason
why she just doesn't have time for you (or a relationship in
general) right now, there might just be something to it.
6) Her Moral Stance
For some people, the whole idea of "taking things slow" in a
relationship specifically implies waiting quite a while to get
frisky.
I can't count how many times I've seen or heard about someone who's
trying to, say, "save themselves for marriage" getting romantically
involved with a person who has no such moral constraint.
It's rather natural in those situations that the more sexually
conservative person is going to start feeling some pressure from
the other to "speed things up".
Truthfully, there are only two ways that can end: Resentment or
guilt. Neither of those are good. Therefore, the only logical
conclusion is that we're all FAR better off sticking to MOTOS who
are on our wavelength about all of this from the very start.
Next time I'll follow up with seven pure excuses that women give
for "taking things slow" that generally point to her interest level
not being high enough.
Knowing the difference between those and the more legit reasons I
listed above--and what to do about it--is an area that trips a lot of
guys up, so you won't want to miss that.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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