[X&Y] "Life Story" E-Mails vs. Three-Hour Phone Calls

Published: Thu, 03/02/23

 
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IN THIS EDITION:   So you wrote her a ten-page letter...and never got
a response, huh? 

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YOUR "LIFE STORY" IN AN E-MAIL?


For some reason, it seems that we as guys have a hard time
resisting the urge to write extremely long letters and e-mails to
women.

I'm not really talking about guys who are away on long overseas
military deployments writing their girlfriends and wives back home,
here.

Nope.  Those of you I'm addressing in this newsletter are the ones
who meet a woman, talk to her briefly, and then follow it all up
with the world's longest tome of literature to rival War And
Peace.

It can be over e-mail or snail mail.  That doesn't really matter.

Some guys even leave VOICE mails that are as long as a
feature-length motion picture.

What's more, it's not uncommon for me to hear tell of 10,000+ word
e-mails written to women on online dating sites who the guy hasn't
even met yet.

Not only are such protracted messages FAR more time-consuming
to write than the 50-word one that would have sufficed, they don't
even get the desired result (whatever that is).
 
That's right.  Shorter e-mails ALWAYS work better.  Long-winded
e-mails reek of needy desperation...at best.  As for snail mail
letters, I'm not sure they even work AT ALL in this day and age.
 
At worst, this stuff creeps women out.  She's left thinking, "How
has this guy become THIS obsessed with me already?"   She
knows that can't be healthy...for you OR for her.

So then, why do we do it?  Why do we write these crazy long
letters to women?

I mean, deep down there has to be a twinge of conscience telling
us it's not going to end well.  We all know it's much better to
intrigue women by leaving them wanting more. 

Yet, it's as if there's an invisible force compelling us to put pen
to paper.

Let me challenge those of you who have been guilty of doing this
sort of thing in the past.  Did YOU even know why you were doing
it?  What did you envision happening when she got your message?

Was she going to somehow carve out 45 minutes from her busy
schedule to read your blatherings, only to get a lightning bolt of
divine inspiration:  "Hey WAIT a minute...this guy has GOT to be
my soulmate.  We must get married immediately!"    
 
Or at the very least, were you hoping she'd be guilt tripped into
responding to your missive with an equally lengthy reply...just so
you could savor every word in lieu of actually seeing her?

Well...here's the deal.  I think I actually know why we do it.

The first and most obvious reason is because we feel like we've
got to impress her...and do it NOW. 

Our emotionally-driven logic argues with our sense of better
judgment, telling us that the best way to do that is to "pile on"
everything we can think of to say that could possibly accomplish
the stated purpose.

That's why most of these big ol' sloppy tree-wasters we send
focus on our accomplishments in combination with how much
we've already pre-approved whatever woman we're writing to.

But there's a second reason that I think is more "under the radar".
 
I think we're impatient.

We can't wait to see her again, so writing to her is some weird
substitute for actually being with her.  It makes us FEEL as if
we're really communicating to her, when nobody might even be
actually listening.

So lacking self-restraint, we write our brains out.

Perhaps this is why people tend to get 40-page letters from exes
they just broke up with...particularly if the author of said novel
didn't want the relationship to end.  

Writing that letter is "the next best thing to being there", all
the while giving a false (and temporary) sense of power over the
situation to the writer.

There it is...I said it. 

When you write hideously long letters to women, you're loudly
proclaiming that you feel a bit powerless. 

You're subcommunicating that you're afraid of losing her--
perhaps even before the two of you actually found each other.

Yet ironically, all your extended demonstration of neediness really
does is hand what little power you have left directly over to her.

There's only one word to describe ALL of what I just described:
Unattractive.

Actually, make that two words:  Extremely unattractive.

So let this serve as a fair warning to you the next time you feel
some dark force trying to convince you to write your "life story"
to a woman.  Relax, take a deep breath and SAVE IT. 

Or at the very least, limit your message to a couple of brief lines
that challenge her and issue a call of action on her part. 

Better yet CALL HER, for Pete's sake.

That brings me to a related matter I wanted to address briefly
before closing.

Some of you may be wondering if what I'm talking about here
applies to phone calls as well.

I'm sure you've read in a number of places that you should keep
phone calls to women brief and end the conversation first if you
can.

For the most part I'm in agreement with that strategy.

BUT...I'm not quite ready to equate a three-hour (or even
all-nighter) phone call with the "life story letter".   They aren't
necessarily cut out of the same mold.

Simply put, a shocking number of really, really long phone
conversations actually succeed extraordinarily well, provided that
causing her to practically fall in love in record time was the goal.

That's because the longer the call goes, the DEEPER the
conversation gets and the more INVESTMENT both people begin
to put into each other.  

And especially if the call goes late into the night, there's a high
likelihood that the conversation is going to turn sexual.

All things considered, I've seen enough to believe that
über-lengthy phone conversations between people who otherwise
barely know each other tend to build connection and attraction
FAST as opposed to ruining things.

Isn't that strange?  A bit counter-intuitive, even.

So why is a long CALL so much different than a long LETTER?

Ah...the answer is simple:  It takes TWO to tango, as they say.

When you're on the phone with someone, both of you are
engaged every step of the way, right?

Either that or what happens?  Someone says they've got to go
and hangs up.

Therefore, if a phone conversation lasts for hours and hours, it's
obvious both of you LIKED IT.  Therefore you like EACH OTHER.  

Meanwhile, with a letter there's no such reassurance that the
recipient is "tuned in".  On the contrary, it's our weird, needy
and perhaps even arrogant assumption that she will be that
creeps her out.

So when it comes to long letters, don't write them. 

When it comes to long phone conversations, make sure you
have created attraction and that you're willing and ready to
make this woman absolutely crazy about you before proceeding.  

And if you DO proceed, make sure she does most of the talking
and that you don't get weird or boring on her.  Focus on feeling
and sensuality and she'll not be able to get enough.

Oh...and then you STILL should hang up first, even though the
conversation could have gone even longer.


 
 



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