[X&Y] Is "Phone" An Obsolete App On Your Smart Device?

Published: Sat, 07/01/23



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IN THIS EDITION: We hear a lot about the dangers of contacting
women too much. Where's the proper balance?

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GETTING THE WHOLE PHONE AND TEXTING THING RIGHT


Today I'm going to talk about communicating with women when
they aren't right there in front of you.

Obviously, that's because it's mission-critical to master it.

Somewhere between you meeting a woman and getting a solid
shot at getting alone with her sometime comes a mobile device.

Do you see it as an obstacle or a valuable tool designed to help
you get what you want?

One of the clearest, most objective ways guys who are successful
with women separate themselves from guys who are NOT is by
how they use phone conversations and especially texting to their
advantage.

One simple newsletter isn't going to be enough to get you to
mastery level.  Here's the single best way I know of to really
get texting in particular working in your favor:



Texting Mastery



Once you've acquired that inexpensive but jam-packed toolkit to
modern communication with women, you really can't lose.  It's
something every man truly needs (pretty urgently, I might add):



Don't Let One Bad Text Ruin Everything, Ever Again



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IS "PHONE" AN OBSOLETE APP ON YOUR SMART DEVICE?


Hi Scot,

I've been thinking about this one for a while now.  

Most of the advice of all the dating gurus and even girls
themselves tell you that "you shouldn't be calling a girl all the
time".  I tend to heed that advice and not call a girl very often,
especially in the beginning of getting to know her.
 
It doesn't seem that hard for me to do because I usually don't feel
the need to call a girl everyday.  And I tend to be busy doing
stuff during "prime calling hours", so I have to consciously make
special time to be calling anybody during a weeknight.  

If I didn't, girls wouldn't be getting calls at a11 at night, and
I don't think they'd be happy with that.

However, it often seems as though the relationship with the girl
just fizzles out over time.  

So, as an experiment, the last girl I went out with I tried to call
her a little more often than I felt comfortable with.  I was
surprised when the result was actually positive.  

And on top of that, even though I was calling her more often than I
felt comfortable with, she even told me that she wasn't sure if I
liked her or not because I didn't call her very often.  

After I started going back to my pattern of not calling her very
often (and not calling her during the holidays), the relationship
fizzled again.  

However, I felt less and less like calling her since she would
return my calls, but would never initiate a call tome.  I used that
to gauge how often she felt comfortable with me calling her,
therefore the calls were made with less and less frequency.
 
After getting a phone number, I'll usually wait around 2 days to
call her.  After going on a date, I'll usually wait like 4-7 days
to call or e-mail her again.  Subsequent calls/emails are usually
like a week or more apart.  

I'm comparing this to other gurus' advice of 7-9 days between calls,
and I feel I should be OK.  

But I'm starting to think that maybe it's too long.  Or maybe I'm
not waiting the correct amount of time at the right stages of the
relationship.  Too short and she runs, too long and it fizzles.
 
My question is, can you give me some guideline with how often I
should contact a girl (phone, email, txt), and how that time-period
changes as I get to know her better?  
 
Thanks!


-Brendan  (Lake Elsinore, CA)



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Hello Brendan.  You've brought up some excellent points.

First of all, let's address the calling timeline issue in general.  

I'm completely NOT in agreement with the "7-9 day" thing.  It's an
overreaction, in my opinion.  

And that goes for whether you've just gotten her number or you've
already been seeing her for a while.  

Let's face it.  Most highly desirable women you happen to get a
number from will have written you off as too indifferent (or even
too scared) to call by then, if they remember you at all.

If you have already been on something resembling a date with a
woman and would like to see her again, then even 4-7 days is
too long to wait.

That is going to come off as "game playing" to women even if you
aren't much into phone conversations.  

As a rule, people put a higher priority on conversing with those who
they are actually attracted to than that.

So then, how DO you figure out how much phone time to put in?  Is
there really even a specific formula for this?

The other day I was reading something from a "lady guru" when
this caught my eye:  "If we like a guy, we're perfectly happy
to hear from him six or eight times a day.  If we don't, then if he
calls us even once a week we're creeped out."

Wow, huh?  It's really all about how much attraction you've created
when you were standing right there in front of her...before the
telephone calls even get rolling.

So here it is.  When you know she is interested in you, you've got
to give her a break and call her sometimes.  Otherwise, you're
perception is dead-accurate:  She'll think you don't like her.  

Imagine if the tables were turned.  If she appeared decidedly
cavalier about talking to you, wouldn't you begin to think she was
somewhat disinterested?  Men and women are really no different in
this area.

Pickup advice talks a lot about guys calling too much and being
clingy because, truthfully, that's the best "one size fits all" advice
for most of the guys out there starting from square one.  

But if you truly have that part of things handled and have overcome
all symptoms of neediness, then the right thing is to do
your part to let the woman know you at least like her back.  

My thought in this case (and again, the caveat is that you have no
issues of neediness or insecurity) is that if you FEEL like it's
starting to have been a bit long since you've talked to her, you're
probably right.  

It's time to call.  Put it off longer and you risk disillusioning
her.

Considering how many guys hammer women pretty hard with phone
calls/texts/etc. you can easily figure why things fizzle for you
when you don't call them.  They're human beings with feelings and
thought processes just like yours and they simply mark you down as
"uninterested".  

Worse, that's when they'll turn their attention to the other guy out
there who gets all of this right without overdoing it.

By the way, if you aren't much into talking on the phone, you're
not alone.  Plenty of guys share your sentiments there. 

I actually heard a comedian the other day talking about how "phone"
is an obsolete app on his smart device.  All good jokes are rooted in
some truth, right?

In that case though, it's all the more important to make doubly
sure to inform women about that up front and make sure she knows
that you aren't kidding.  

"Set the expectation" as they say in the sales world.


 
 

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