[X&Y] Is She Interested Or What? How Can You Even Tell?
Published: Fri, 07/14/23
=====
IN THIS EDITION: How do read a woman's level
of interest in you on a first date? Sometimes it
seems practically impossible, doesn't it?
=====
GUYS MAKE THIS CRITICAL MISTAKE...AND
DON'T EVEN REALIZE IT
Going out on first dates with women we meet
online really is a blind date every single time.
Even if we're just doing the quick Starbucks
"eval meeting".
Getting a read on women we've never even
met before apart from a few e-mails and a
phone conversation or two can be a real
challenge, can't it?
The devastating part is that if we fail to handle
everything the right way, we can lose out on a
woman who was actually very into us.
That's about as unnerving and frustrating as
it gets.
Today's e-mail from Dennis in GA, which I
answer below, is a shining example of what
goes on more often than you can probably
\imagine.
But that doesn't change the fact that online
dating is a laughably easy way to meet traffic
stopping women without even leaving your
home.
I'm more impressed than ever with how
desirable the women are that some of you
guys are meeting out there.
The big "decision maker" that separates the
over 90% who are quitters from the small
percentage who enjoy ALL the online dating
success for themselves comes down to
ONE thing.
Ready?
It's knowing what they're doing.
And here's your absolute fastest, most
streamlined path to getting there:
https://programs.deservewhatyouwant.com/odd-50off
In the online dating world you really do
have to learn the ropes.
There's just too much margin for error in a
world where there's a sea of faces in direct
competition with you, and practically ZERO
margin for error as far as non-verbal
communication goes.
But when you stand out from the huddled
masses, suddenly the fog lifts and online
dating becomes a sea of choices instead of
competition.
I've been immersed in the world of online
dating for over twenty years now. I know
exactly what works and what doesn't.
Why not take full advantage of that? Avoid
all the "trial and error" and absolutely nail
it the first time. Here's how:
https://programs.deservewhatyouwant.com/odd-50off
What's that you say? You want a 50% off
discount coupon as an incentive to finally
give Online Dating Domination 3.0 a try?
No problem. I've got your back. I've
activated a 50% off coupon that's
automatically applied for you at checkout.
This time I'm also giving you my program
The Man's Approach for free also. It's a
$97 value by itself, and will make sure you
can meet women either online OR offline
from now on.
=====
QUESTION FROM A READER
Hey Scot - I hope all is going well.
On a first date how do you handle a situation where you can't tell
if she is interested in you at all? As was the case with a
Match.com date last night...
Here is the scene: We met for drinks and free bread at an Italian
restaurant. We sat at the bar, watched pizza dough being thrown
and sipped on our drinks.
It was laid back and casual...not a stuffy, high pressured 1st
restaurant date that you advocate against. I've taken several 1st
dates here and this place has proven for me a good get to know each
other spot.
Here is crux of where my question is coming from. She did a few
things to make me think she was interested, and she did a few things
that made it seem she was not interested.
THE GOOD THINGS: Ran her fingers through her hair several times, a
few times I was able to sustain a long warm smile on her face while
talking to her.
A few times she would spin on her stool directly at me and lean in.
Several times I gave her some really good chuckles that made her
relax and warm up. Sometimes she was warm.
THE NOT SO GOOD SIGNS: She talked a lot about her problems with
finding the right guys. She talked a lot about wondering if
something was wrong with her. At one point she was asking me general
advice on how to let a guy know she is interested with out coming
on too strong...
You know Scot, these type of questions are something a woman would
ask a platonic male friend, and at times this is exactly how I felt.
My gut feeling is sort of telling me that she is lacking attraction
for me.
At the end of the night, I walked her to her car. Hug and kissed
her on the cheek. I'm not scared to go in for a real kiss, but only
when my guts tell me to.
As for me: I am motivated to see her again for 2 reasons. 1) She
turns me on physically. 2) She seems that she may have the level
of character I am looking for in a woman.
This is my plan: Call her tonight and thank her for driving out to
my town to meet me. Let her know that I want to see her a 2nd time
to better find out if there is a mutual connection...
What are your thoughts? How would you better "test the waters" to
find out if the attraction is mutual? Also feel free to check out
her match.com profile: [withheld].
Thanks!
Dennis (Duluth, GA)
=====
Thanks for the e-mail, Dennis.
She's a cutie. A "girl next door" type.
She also hasn't been active on Match.com for a WEEK. That's good
news for you. She's not diligently searching on Match.com for the
next guy to go out on a date with.
And a week may as well be an eternity in the online dating world.
No woman who is getting any attention whatsoever online (let alone a
lot of it as this particular woman is probably getting with such a
well done profile) can resist checking in for more than forty-eight
hours...max.
This is all field-tested, by the way.
But based on what you've told me thus far, that's all beside the
point.
In my educated opinion it's ALL good news for you.
When I began reading this e-mail I thought you were going to start
talking about a woman who gave absolutely no indicators of interest
whatsoever. Stone faced with detached or closed body language and a
"hands off" attitude.
But here you have a woman who is giving VERY classic signs of
approval and indeed flat-out attraction.
She's engaged in the conversation.
She's smiling and laughing, even leaning in--that's a solid one.
Playing with her hair isn't necessarily as foolproof as some
believe it is, but the old David D. idea of her letting YOU touch
her hair IS. I'd try that next time, when the time is right.
And there WILL be a next time if you follow the plan you described.
I'd leave out the part about seeing if there's a "mutual connection"
and simply let the fact that you are inviting her to see you again
do ALL the talking.
There's really no need to couch it in formalities. If anything that
artificially (and unnecessarily) injects awkwardness into the
situation.
Here are two key ideas to keep in mind when reading a woman's
level of interest on a first date:
1) Most women aren't going to be "all over you" on first dates.
The unfortunate social stigma of being "forward" aside, women are
just as interested in not appearing clingy, needy and/or straight-up
desperate as men are (or should be).
Beside that, they LOVE when a man can take the lead. Note that this
is not to be confused with "chasing".
True leadership is in fact CHOOSING vs. CHASING. She's typically waiting
on YOU as a man to make decisions, even as far as the progression of the
relationship is concerned.
2) Be very careful categorizing 'friendly' conversation as a bad
thing.
The PROBLEM with "Just Be Friends" is the word "Just", not "Friends".
Weirdly, plenty of dating/seduction advice for men seems to talk about
"avoiding friendship" with women altogether.
This is an unfortunate overreaction to pandemic neediness, wimpiness
and lack of masculine presence on the part of many men.
Truth be told, a woman can discuss what's on her mind with you in a
casual, matter of fact manner just like she would for platonic
friends and still very much be wildly hot for you...even if under
the surface.
In fact, creating a friendship with her is CRUCIAL, otherwise there's
nothing else there BUT the sexual attraction. That alone won't
sustain any real relationship for very long.
The difference-maker between "JBF" and the desired result is quite
simply your masculine ability to ignite femininity. That's the
ingredient that creates attraction.
Without that, the conversation might turn to asking your opinion on
specific other guys she's attracted to. I'd agree that's not a good
sign.
But let's back off from the general principles at play here and take
a closer look at your specific situation.
She's asking more general questions related to being attractive to
men.
Plus, she's asking YOU how she might show attraction towards men.
She knew EXACTLY what she was doing, and was actually fishing for
your impressions of her.
All the while, she was seeking out your input on how she might show
her interest towards you in a manner you'd find appropriate.
See that? It makes perfect sense from a human nature perspective.
So maybe she wasn't quite able to contain the "needy impulse" as
much as you might have thought, after all.
I'm wondering how you answered her questions, and--more importantly--
did you give her something she could ACT UPON?
If so...did she?
I trust you didn't miss any of that if it happened right there in
the moment. Once again, it's difficult for us guys to get outside
our own heads sometimes.
By the way, remember the stone-faced "hands-off" chick I mentioned
before? You can't judge a book by its cover even if you find
yourself out with the likes of her.
Sometimes women are very, very cautious--both with their actions
and their words. They may be self-protective because of past
experiences with unworthy guys, or they may just not have the kind
of personality that shows attraction so obviously.
These women, ironically, are often the ones who come to Emily
wondering why they don't get asked on second dates!
The answer, of course, is that guys don't understand her to have
any interest in them whatsoever, even though under the poker-faced
surface, there was PLENTY going on.
Generally, lack of decided DISINTEREST can tell you everything
you really need to know. The big test is if such a woman goes on the
second date.
If she's there, she remains at least somewhat interested, regardless
of her signals (or lack thereof).
This assumes, of course, that the main attraction on such dates is
you, not how much money you're spending. But that's not what's
going on in your case. Great job taking her someplace casual and
with a fun atmosphere.
You are doing a lot right. Keep it up my good man.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2021. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
IN THIS EDITION: How do read a woman's level
of interest in you on a first date? Sometimes it
seems practically impossible, doesn't it?
=====
GUYS MAKE THIS CRITICAL MISTAKE...AND
DON'T EVEN REALIZE IT
Going out on first dates with women we meet
online really is a blind date every single time.
Even if we're just doing the quick Starbucks
"eval meeting".
Getting a read on women we've never even
met before apart from a few e-mails and a
phone conversation or two can be a real
challenge, can't it?
The devastating part is that if we fail to handle
everything the right way, we can lose out on a
woman who was actually very into us.
That's about as unnerving and frustrating as
it gets.
Today's e-mail from Dennis in GA, which I
answer below, is a shining example of what
goes on more often than you can probably
\imagine.
But that doesn't change the fact that online
dating is a laughably easy way to meet traffic
stopping women without even leaving your
home.
I'm more impressed than ever with how
desirable the women are that some of you
guys are meeting out there.
The big "decision maker" that separates the
over 90% who are quitters from the small
percentage who enjoy ALL the online dating
success for themselves comes down to
ONE thing.
Ready?
It's knowing what they're doing.
And here's your absolute fastest, most
streamlined path to getting there:
https://programs.deservewhatyouwant.com/odd-50off
In the online dating world you really do
have to learn the ropes.
There's just too much margin for error in a
world where there's a sea of faces in direct
competition with you, and practically ZERO
margin for error as far as non-verbal
communication goes.
But when you stand out from the huddled
masses, suddenly the fog lifts and online
dating becomes a sea of choices instead of
competition.
I've been immersed in the world of online
dating for over twenty years now. I know
exactly what works and what doesn't.
Why not take full advantage of that? Avoid
all the "trial and error" and absolutely nail
it the first time. Here's how:
https://programs.deservewhatyouwant.com/odd-50off
What's that you say? You want a 50% off
discount coupon as an incentive to finally
give Online Dating Domination 3.0 a try?
No problem. I've got your back. I've
activated a 50% off coupon that's
automatically applied for you at checkout.
This time I'm also giving you my program
The Man's Approach for free also. It's a
$97 value by itself, and will make sure you
can meet women either online OR offline
from now on.
=====
QUESTION FROM A READER
Hey Scot - I hope all is going well.
On a first date how do you handle a situation where you can't tell
if she is interested in you at all? As was the case with a
Match.com date last night...
Here is the scene: We met for drinks and free bread at an Italian
restaurant. We sat at the bar, watched pizza dough being thrown
and sipped on our drinks.
It was laid back and casual...not a stuffy, high pressured 1st
restaurant date that you advocate against. I've taken several 1st
dates here and this place has proven for me a good get to know each
other spot.
Here is crux of where my question is coming from. She did a few
things to make me think she was interested, and she did a few things
that made it seem she was not interested.
THE GOOD THINGS: Ran her fingers through her hair several times, a
few times I was able to sustain a long warm smile on her face while
talking to her.
A few times she would spin on her stool directly at me and lean in.
Several times I gave her some really good chuckles that made her
relax and warm up. Sometimes she was warm.
THE NOT SO GOOD SIGNS: She talked a lot about her problems with
finding the right guys. She talked a lot about wondering if
something was wrong with her. At one point she was asking me general
advice on how to let a guy know she is interested with out coming
on too strong...
You know Scot, these type of questions are something a woman would
ask a platonic male friend, and at times this is exactly how I felt.
My gut feeling is sort of telling me that she is lacking attraction
for me.
At the end of the night, I walked her to her car. Hug and kissed
her on the cheek. I'm not scared to go in for a real kiss, but only
when my guts tell me to.
As for me: I am motivated to see her again for 2 reasons. 1) She
turns me on physically. 2) She seems that she may have the level
of character I am looking for in a woman.
This is my plan: Call her tonight and thank her for driving out to
my town to meet me. Let her know that I want to see her a 2nd time
to better find out if there is a mutual connection...
What are your thoughts? How would you better "test the waters" to
find out if the attraction is mutual? Also feel free to check out
her match.com profile: [withheld].
Thanks!
Dennis (Duluth, GA)
=====
Thanks for the e-mail, Dennis.
She's a cutie. A "girl next door" type.
She also hasn't been active on Match.com for a WEEK. That's good
news for you. She's not diligently searching on Match.com for the
next guy to go out on a date with.
And a week may as well be an eternity in the online dating world.
No woman who is getting any attention whatsoever online (let alone a
lot of it as this particular woman is probably getting with such a
well done profile) can resist checking in for more than forty-eight
hours...max.
This is all field-tested, by the way.
But based on what you've told me thus far, that's all beside the
point.
In my educated opinion it's ALL good news for you.
When I began reading this e-mail I thought you were going to start
talking about a woman who gave absolutely no indicators of interest
whatsoever. Stone faced with detached or closed body language and a
"hands off" attitude.
But here you have a woman who is giving VERY classic signs of
approval and indeed flat-out attraction.
She's engaged in the conversation.
She's smiling and laughing, even leaning in--that's a solid one.
Playing with her hair isn't necessarily as foolproof as some
believe it is, but the old David D. idea of her letting YOU touch
her hair IS. I'd try that next time, when the time is right.
And there WILL be a next time if you follow the plan you described.
I'd leave out the part about seeing if there's a "mutual connection"
and simply let the fact that you are inviting her to see you again
do ALL the talking.
There's really no need to couch it in formalities. If anything that
artificially (and unnecessarily) injects awkwardness into the
situation.
Here are two key ideas to keep in mind when reading a woman's
level of interest on a first date:
1) Most women aren't going to be "all over you" on first dates.
The unfortunate social stigma of being "forward" aside, women are
just as interested in not appearing clingy, needy and/or straight-up
desperate as men are (or should be).
Beside that, they LOVE when a man can take the lead. Note that this
is not to be confused with "chasing".
True leadership is in fact CHOOSING vs. CHASING. She's typically waiting
on YOU as a man to make decisions, even as far as the progression of the
relationship is concerned.
2) Be very careful categorizing 'friendly' conversation as a bad
thing.
The PROBLEM with "Just Be Friends" is the word "Just", not "Friends".
Weirdly, plenty of dating/seduction advice for men seems to talk about
"avoiding friendship" with women altogether.
This is an unfortunate overreaction to pandemic neediness, wimpiness
and lack of masculine presence on the part of many men.
Truth be told, a woman can discuss what's on her mind with you in a
casual, matter of fact manner just like she would for platonic
friends and still very much be wildly hot for you...even if under
the surface.
In fact, creating a friendship with her is CRUCIAL, otherwise there's
nothing else there BUT the sexual attraction. That alone won't
sustain any real relationship for very long.
The difference-maker between "JBF" and the desired result is quite
simply your masculine ability to ignite femininity. That's the
ingredient that creates attraction.
Without that, the conversation might turn to asking your opinion on
specific other guys she's attracted to. I'd agree that's not a good
sign.
But let's back off from the general principles at play here and take
a closer look at your specific situation.
She's asking more general questions related to being attractive to
men.
Plus, she's asking YOU how she might show attraction towards men.
She knew EXACTLY what she was doing, and was actually fishing for
your impressions of her.
All the while, she was seeking out your input on how she might show
her interest towards you in a manner you'd find appropriate.
See that? It makes perfect sense from a human nature perspective.
So maybe she wasn't quite able to contain the "needy impulse" as
much as you might have thought, after all.
I'm wondering how you answered her questions, and--more importantly--
did you give her something she could ACT UPON?
If so...did she?
I trust you didn't miss any of that if it happened right there in
the moment. Once again, it's difficult for us guys to get outside
our own heads sometimes.
By the way, remember the stone-faced "hands-off" chick I mentioned
before? You can't judge a book by its cover even if you find
yourself out with the likes of her.
Sometimes women are very, very cautious--both with their actions
and their words. They may be self-protective because of past
experiences with unworthy guys, or they may just not have the kind
of personality that shows attraction so obviously.
These women, ironically, are often the ones who come to Emily
wondering why they don't get asked on second dates!
The answer, of course, is that guys don't understand her to have
any interest in them whatsoever, even though under the poker-faced
surface, there was PLENTY going on.
Generally, lack of decided DISINTEREST can tell you everything
you really need to know. The big test is if such a woman goes on the
second date.
If she's there, she remains at least somewhat interested, regardless
of her signals (or lack thereof).
This assumes, of course, that the main attraction on such dates is
you, not how much money you're spending. But that's not what's
going on in your case. Great job taking her someplace casual and
with a fun atmosphere.
You are doing a lot right. Keep it up my good man.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2021. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
X & Y Communications LLC
20403 Encino Ledge
#591313
San Antonio, TX 78259-1313
United States Of America
Unsubscribe | Change Subscriber Options