[X&Y] Should You Really "Conquer" Approach Anxiety?
Published: Fri, 07/21/23
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IN THIS EDITION: Want to deal with the
fear of meeting women? Don't be surprised
if "dealing with" may not end up meaning
"doing away with"...
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IF YOU HAVEN'T MET ANY NEW WOMEN
LATELY, READ THIS
Today we're talking about "approach
anxiety".
I get e-mails from guys all day long who
simply aren't meeting the kind of women
they truly want.
Some aren't meeting ANY women at all.
If you can relate, you already know
things aren't going to change by
themselves.
You've got to DO something about it.
So are you finally ready to stop being a
spectator as other guys end up with all
the women?
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SHOULD YOU REALLY "CONQUER" APPROACH ANXIETY?
Whenever you read anything on the subject of "approach anxiety",
it's usually in the context of KILLING it dead.
Words like "beating", "overcoming" and even "conquering" are
usually used in context.
But wait a second. Is that what's really necessary? In fact, let
me ask you this: Is that really what you WANT to do?
As silly as it may sound on the surface, that really is a fair
question.
After all, if we're utterly petrified by fear of "rejection" such that
we don't come anywhere close to ever talking to women we have
never met, then it could indeed look like the obvious solution is
to eliminate the fear.
Here's what I think, though.
I don't think the main point should be to get rid of the fear and
trepidation. Rather, we should be talking about harnessing that
energy and using it to our advantage.
Is a skydiver "fearless" when he jumps out of a plane?
Can a freestyle motocrosser help but be physiologically nervous
before attempting a double front-flip for the first time in competition?
In either instance, the obvious answer is "of course not".
If you were to actually ask any those guys what's going on inside
before they "go big", they'll all tell you the same thing: It's the
adrenaline rush of the moment that really, truly motivates them.
It's not like they're Mr. Spock up there. They're human. Emotions
roll like thunder.
Right at the beginning of the Major League Baseball playoffs several
years ago, ESPN interviewed perennial all-star Yankee shortstop and
future hall-of-famer Derek Jeter. Here's direct a quote from the story:
Now 37, Jeter won't feel a bit different from when he was a
21-year-old rookie. "You have butterflies every time," Jeter said.
"I think it is good to have butterflies. It means you still care."
To me, that captures the point perfectly.
When meeting women, you definitely don't want to chicken out.
But if you can have the courage to acknowledge the "butterflies"
and approach anyway, you'll LOVE the feeling.
After all, the prospect of meeting a new female human being you
might have chemistry with SHOULD be as exciting to you as the
possibility of winning a baseball championship.
The fact that something very real is at stake SHOULD be exciting
instead of horrifying.
Like Derek Jeter, you SHOULD still "care".
The nerves you feel before boldly approaching a woman SHOULD
remind you that you're alive, not make you wish you were dead.
So why not go for it? What is there to gain by feeling like you're
in a championship game rather than watching from the sidelines? In
a word: everything.
Only the participants in the sport can ever win a ring, never the
spectators.
Let me close with one final, related note. Go ahead and congratulate
yourself if and when a woman adores you upon meeting you.
There's no harm in letting something feel "too good to be true"
after you've already found out it IS true. The danger lies in
believing something is "too good to be true" beforehand, and
therefore never even trying.
If you "have to pinch yourself" when a great woman enters your
life, so be it. That's part of the spoils of gaining the confidence to
believe you can get the women you want.
Like a World Series champion lifting the trophy, it's not you can't
believe you were successful, it's just that it's a long-awaited great
feeling that has finally become a reality.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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