[X&Y] Trouble-Free Relationship?
Published: Mon, 07/31/23
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IN THIS EDITION: Can it be possible that Emily
and I have such a terrific relationship, or am I
"blowing smoke"?
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TROUBLE-FREE RELATIONSHIP?
Scot,
You make your marriage sound almost mythical.
What troubles do you really have? Have you gone through any
extremely difficult times yet, like a death or some sort of
devastation together?
How do you know when trouble comes it will stay like this blissful
movie you portray?
Thanks,
Greg
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Thanks for writing, Greg. You ask fair questions.
There sure aren't a whole lot of truly happy couples out there, so
how can you be sure Emily and I really are "the real deal"?
And what assurance is there that we'll continue to be well into the
future?
Is it reasonable to expect happiness from marriage at all nowadays
rather than strife and eventual breakup?
After all, several well-known dating coaches have been married
and divorced since we started writing newsletters back in 2005
(some multiple times) and yet they're still advising others.
Others have gotten into long-term relationships, made babies and
broken up without ever having been married at all.
Needless to say, they rarely inform their respective audiences
about all the drama.
Truth be told, Emily and I may STILL be the only truly happy
married couple out there teaching this stuff AND "walking the
talk".
If anything, we're among very few.
I'm certainly not overjoyed about that. I wish there were others
...many, many others.
But nevertheless, there's a reason why other famous dating
coaches hire me to coach them on choosing a great woman
and relationship management.
It's the same reason why we have scores of testimonials from
men and women who've found the love of their lives--and are
continuing to be in happy relationships months and years later.
I mean, obviously we've only been here a little under eighteen
years, so we're going to have to see how everyone's doing 25
or 30 years from now, right?
But the trend is clearly there. What we teach is what we live,
and it works.
In fact, guys who've come here for a Ten-Plus Live weekend
have met both of us and seen us in action.
So then, what's the secret?
Well, it all starts with this, Greg.
When you deserve what you want AND marry the right woman
things tend to go WAY better from the very start than they do
for most couples.
Those are BY FAR the two biggest "X-factors" at play here.
Welcome to why I harp on them both so much...because I
know the sheer POWER of them.
And that's why I've devoted my life purpose to helping other
people achieve great relationships as well.
Now, to address your most pressing question directly, Emily and I
get our fair share of challenges in life, believe me.
I'm not going to go public with what those challenges have been
thus far as I don't believe it would serve any constructive purpose
to bore you with them.
But importantly, we tend not to create those challenges for each
other. As such, when they come up we're a team and we tackle
them together.
I will say this, also. There's a direct correlation between making
good decisions and fewer bad things happening.
The wiser you get, the better "luck" you tend to have in this life.
Nevertheless, there's no denying that stuff happens sometimes
anyway.
But you see, that's where I look at even your baseline assumption
differently than you do.
In my mind, were something truly devastating to happen, I believe
Emily and I would become even closer rather than be torn apart by
it.
That's because our relationship has been built on a firm foundation
of mutual concern and respect rather than the shifting sands of
"what can I get from the other person?"
The former mindset is that of a true partnership. Partners tend
to gain energy by doing the right thing for each other, and by
being there for each other when times get tough for everyone.
Meanwhile, the latter is basically a business transaction. And it's
when things are no longer fun or profitable that men and women
who form couples on that premise bail on each other.
The bottom line remains that when a man and a woman represent
the "big four" for each other they can stay crazy about each other
indefinitely.
And make no mistake, ultimately it's that fourth component--
character--that delivers the real "secret sauce" with regard to
lasting power in a relationship.
Even extreme challenges make that bond stronger rather than
weakening it.
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