[X&Y] Her "Baggage" Is Packed

Published: Sat, 06/03/23


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IN THIS EDITION: You almost always hear
about how people don't want to date someone
with "baggage". What's up with that?

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5 TYPES OF "BAGGAGE"


As you may know, Emily and I love to go on international
adventures.  

On one particular trip to Asia, we ended up flying seven
different airlines.

That meant we had to study each airline's respective web
site to figure out what the baggage requirements were.

As a dating coach, you know where my imagination
wandered.

What kind of "baggage" do we all bring along on life's
journey?

And how much will those we travel with allow?

Those are questions for all of us.

Baggage. What exactly are we talking about here?  

Whenever someone refers to a potential dating prospect
as having some, it's typically not a positive thing (at least
from their perspective), is it? But are you ever really sure
why?  

Well, my belief is that it's relatively easy to understand
what "baggage" consists of, if only we are willing to do
the heavy lifting necessary to find out more.  

But not over 20 kilos, please...that would cost extra (at
east on China Eastern and Vietnam Airlines).



1)  Emotional "Baggage"


There are deeply rooted things that trouble a person
and therefore create difficulty in relationships.  

This can range broadly.  It may involve fear, distrust
or even outright dislike of members of the other
gender.  

More often, fear, distrust or even outright dislike of
oneself is where it all comes from.  

Either way, there's some baggage there.  

Something is in this person's past that is being
lugged around like an albatross around their neck,
which makes it really tough to build healthy
relationships.



2)  Relationship "Baggage"


OK, above we covered attitudes potentially
brought about by previous relationships gone
awry.  

But what about the exes themselves?  Yep...
there may be troublesome ex-spouses to
deal with.  

Maybe there's a particularly jealous recent
boyfriend just won't go away and is rapidly
becoming "stalker" material.  

Whoever they are, they're heavy.  

Even if a person is widowed, the attachment
to his/her deceased spouse can weigh heavy.



3)  Childhood "Baggage"


How a person was raised and what he or she
went through during the "formative years" can
have a dramatic impact on who he or she is
today.  

Thoughts, beliefs, structures and attitudes
become "carry ons" into adulthood.  

This becomes "baggage" to potential partners
when there is perceived conflict with the
persona one seeks to present as a grown-up.

Note, however, that sometimes this sort of
"baggage" might be exactly what grounds
someone in a very necessary way when things
could potentially have gotten turbulent up there.  



4)  Religious "Baggage"


Sometimes our faith evolves as we move
through life. This may result in belief systems
or even an entire world view that tends to take
arbitrary twists and turns.  

Certainly it's a good idea for everyone to have
a firm foundation as to what their core beliefs
are.  

Nonetheless, often those with strict religious
upbringings decide they don't want to pursue
the path they were directed towards during
childhood. Invariably, this influence is tough to
completely do away with.  

On the other hand, a person may have a very
secure faith and find him or herself attracted
to someone who doesn't share common beliefs.  

Almost always, the one whose convictions
are more lenient will attempt to persuade the
more devout one to bend and deviate a bit.  

Regardless of which direction the religious
influence in one's life is headed, that person
will often be accused of having "hang ups"
by potential partners whose way of seeing
things is somewhat different.  

This is precisely where the concept of having
religious "baggage" comes from.



5)  Human "Baggage"


Ah yes...a frequently-cited type of "baggage".

Kids.  

If someone has kids, especially living with
him or her, they may be considered "baggage"
by potential dates.   

It's surprising, however, how often I hear this
expressed as inwardly-directed fear rather
than outwardly projected sentiment.  

In other words, single parents tend to worry
more that they will be overlooked by potential
partners more often than they are actually
overlooked for that reason. Keep that in mind.



Based on the list, you can sum up the concept
of baggage succinctly as "anything a person
brings along that potentially limits one's ability
to pursue a relationship with someone else".  

Sometimes, certain "baggage" isn't necessarily
bad, is it? It could keep you from getting into
potentially damaging relationships.


 
 



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