[X&Y] Attraction Explained (And How To)
Published: Wed, 09/13/23
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Have you ever thought of
what it really means to create "attraction"?
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ATTRACTION EXPLAINED (AND HOW TO)
Recently, I got into a conversation with some friends over dinner
about the subject of "attraction".
After several minutes of discussion, a somewhat amazing revelation
hit me. Each respective person at the table had a different
working definition for the word.
One person seemed to believe it was synonymous with "physically
good looking".
Someone else was talking as if it meant all those things that
matter other than physical looks, and was using the word in that
context.
Yet another person assumed that attraction refers to whatever it is
that makes people like someone.
I found all of this highly interesting, because I've always taken
the word at face value. Perhaps I've been incorrectly assuming
that others naturally do also.
The very word "attraction", of course, actually means this
(definition courtesy of dictionary.com):
Attraction (noun)
1. the act, power, or property of attracting.
2. attractive quality; magnetic charm; fascination; allurement;
enticement: the subtle attraction of her strange personality.
3. a person or thing that draws, attracts, allures, or entices: The
main attraction was the after-dinner speaker.
4. a characteristic or quality that provides pleasure; attractive
feature: The chief attractions of the evening were the good drinks
and witty conversation.
5. Physics. the electric or magnetic force that acts between
oppositely charged bodies, tending to draw them together.
That first definition is, of course, the perfunctory one. The noun
is the act of performing the verb form, naturally. That's about as
much help as a rubber crowbar.
But skip directly to the last one. That's where the crux of it all
is, if you ask me. "Attraction" is a physical, magnetic force
between two oppositely charged bodies that "draws them together".
The second, third and fourth definitions above elaborate on that
aspect, when you get right down to it. The "magnetic charm,
fascination and allurement" mentioned in the second one in
particular hits the nail right on the head.
The third definition refers more to event-based usage of the word
(e.g. "main attraction"), but the idea is substantially the same.
It's all about drawing people to what's going on.
The fourth definition is fascinating, as it adds the dimension of
anticipated pleasure.
What "attracts" us does so because we foresee pleasure resulting
from moving toward it.
If follows logically, then, that whatever causes us pain would then
be repulsive (i.e. it pushes us away), just as what's pleasurable
is attractive.
So then, in the case of sexual attraction between men and women,
it's the opposite charges of masculinity and femininity that are at
work to draw two people together.
Based on the full definition of the word, sexual attraction would
indicate that there's a fascination and allurement associated with
the perceived potential for pleasure.
At this point you can easily recognize that this is indeed exactly
how sexuality works, right?
There's a physical, almost electric "charge" to femininity that
when activated effectively draws you to it. You are charmed,
fascinated and allured.
This irresistible force signals the potential for pleasure in
your mind's eye.
You don't simply like it, you're literally drawn in its general
direction. You want to partake of it and you've got to have it.
And yes, you can bet your bottom dollar that the actual mechanics
and process of attraction are the same for women.
Consider two magnets. If polar opposites, they will attract each
other. But on the surface, they're both still magnets.
So likewise, in the realm of human sexuality, you and a woman are
both human, it's just that one is male and the other female. But
the laws of physics relative to attraction are what they are,
regardless of which "pole" your gender represents.
Great...now we know what attraction IS, but what does that mean for
us? What's the real-world takeaway from all of this?
Well first, understand that if a woman is considered "attractive",
that's not a euphemism for all the "inner beauty" she possesses
beyond her physical appearance.
But on the other hand, when you're attracted to a woman it's not
necessarily because of her outward beauty alone, either.
That may be one particularly strong element of what contributes to
the force drawing you to her sexually, but it's probably not the
only thing.
Ultimately, you are attracted to a woman--by definition--when her
overall sexual vibe causes you to anticipate pleasure, and are
therefore drawn to her magnetically.
That's all well and good. But the second major takeaway here is
even more important.
Once you know the very definition of "attraction", you can readily
see that it lights the path to presenting yourself as attractive to
women.
If you want women to like you, go out with you and eventually have
a sexual relationship with you, you've got to draw them to you.
You can't repel women and expect to be successful with them.
Sure, I think you already know that you've got to take a shower,
brush your teeth and do the best with what you've got.
What I'm talking about here may sound so obvious to you on the
surface that you're about to dismiss it. But wait...I want you to
honestly consider another it all from a different angle.
Is it possible that you've been thinking in certain ways or doing
certain things that actually push women away...perhaps without even
realizing it?
Is your mindset such that you expect women to lie, cheat or even
steal from you?
Are you assuming that women are out to hurt you?
If so, that negative energy is the exact opposite of how
"attraction" is designed to operate according to the laws of
physics.
When interacting with women, do you show bitterness and disdain?
Do you tease them to the point of insulting them--even in
jest--somehow believing that you've got to go "over the top" to keep
from appearing needy?
That's the next closest thing to literally, physically pushing a
woman away from you rather than attracting her.
Are you more concerned about "getting some" than acting in a
woman's best interest? Do you grasp how that circumvents your
ability to make a woman feel safe and comfortable in your presence?
The stunning realization has occurred to me that much of what men
are being taught about how to get women is built around repelling
them rather than attracting them.
Seriously, who on Earth--male or female--will be drawn to tricks,
manipulation, "building compliance", being "escalated" or any other
underhanded, self-serving tactics?
And what about the concept of "shyness induced snobbery" that I've
mentioned in The Man's Approach?
Does ignoring women so as to avoid potential "rejection" do
anything whatsoever to draw a woman to you? Of course not. It
simply reminds her to stay away.
Remember always, in order to be attractive you've got to be a
masculine man who draws women to you. You do that by welcoming
them and making them feel comfortable in your presence, even as you
exude maleness.
That means that the secret to attraction is all about how you make
a woman feel. If she's magnetically drawn to you as a "big four"
man, she may not even know why. She doesn't have to "know"...she
responds to how she "feels" instead.
Just as you may be sexually attracted to a woman who doesn't fit
the parameters of classic outward beauty, isn't in your social
group or is otherwise different than you'd expect her to be; so
attraction works for women.
How are you making women feel? Focus on being a man who draws
women to you rather than pushing them away--or worse, depending on
"props" to create attraction for you.
Your car, your fancy watch, your diploma or even your LED belt
buckle aren't going to draw women to you.
Raw attraction will, however...by definition.
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