[X&Y] How To Stop Being Angry At Women

Published: Sun, 10/15/23


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IN THIS EDITION:  Have you ever found yourself more than just a bit
angry with women in general?

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HOW TO STOP BEING ANGRY AT WOMEN


From the outset I'm going to slap the expected disclaimer on
this discussion:  I'm no therapist, and I'm not going to pretend to
be.  What follows is not even close to a substitute for dedicated,
purpose-oriented professional help of that type.

If you've got very deep-seated anger issues, I encourage you to
seek out the proper expert to help you work through that.

Nevertheless, as a guy who is immersed in dating and relationships
on a daily basis, I do have some relevant observations that you'll
find both refreshing and helpful.

The first is this.  It's OKAY to get mad at a woman here and there.

You're not some sort of "bad guy" if you have a normal, rational
angry response to something legitimately crummy that's been done to
you by a woman.

I mean, if she lies to you, cheats on you, steals your car or
generally pisses you off...fine.  Feel the emotion and accept it.

We're all human here whether we're men or women.

Women aren't infallible "goddesses" to be placed on a pedestal, all
the blame being on our shoulders as men regardless of who did what
to whom.

Nope...the standards of conduct hold for both genders, as does the
yardstick for reasonable emotional response.

So then, anger in what I'll call "the heat of the moment" isn't up
for grabs here.  Rather, the problems start arising when we let
that anger simmer over time and start to consume us.

There may be one woman who really irked you to your core, and you
just can't get over it.  This is, of course, very common when we've
had a long-term relationship go south on us.

What our ex did to us could have been as simple as breaking up via
text rather than in person or as egregious as cheating on us with
multiple people or emptying our bank account.

No matter what, it's a mistake to let ourselves get so angry that
our emotions grab the controls and take over.

One of two insidious ways that such anger starts to adversely affect
our level of success with women is when we begin to transfer the
blame for what's been done to us by one woman to ALL women.

That occurs because we fixate on the wrong that's been done to us
SO much that we psychologically anchor that bad event to
femaleness in general.  It's as if it's all we can think about.

The second tragic way that anger negatively affects our ability to
attract women is when we consider a relationship with a new woman
and fear that she'll do the same bad things to us all over again.

In both of those cases we end up repelling women--even the perfectly
decent ones who haven't done anything to deserve being looked at
with a jaundiced eye, and perhaps likely never will.

Now clearly, if we've seen a recurring pattern of negative, anger-
inducing events in our interactions with women over time, it's more
likely that we'll develop a generalized anger towards the entire
female gender.

What a mess, right?  Yet, most men I've talked to who've become
good and angry at women have a strong desire to get over it.

They'd rather NOT be so pissed off.  They really WANT to be able to
expect the best from women and truly enjoy their company again--
without bitterness and without fear.

Here are my thoughts on how you can do exactly that.

First, here's an exercise to try out that's SO simple you may be left
shaking your head and laughing when it's all over.

But I have to tell you, this silly little mind shift is exactly what
helped me turn the corner after my own extremely rough divorce
thirteen years ago.

Simply look around you at the relationships other people have, and
make an honest evaluation of the women in those relationships
relative to your anger, fears and frustrations.

What you'll likely discover is that you've got plenty of real-world
examples around you of women who don't do egregious things to piss
their significant other off.

In my case, my "stinking thinking" centered around a belief that
all women were crazy.  One day I woke up and realized that my own
sister, mother and even sister-in-law were perfectly level-headed
and sane.

Similarly, a number of my co-workers and friends' wives were also
perfectly reasonable, sound-minded women.

Only by considering what went on outside of the microcosm of my own
little dark world was I able to "see the light".

And what do you know?  All women, generally speaking, weren't stark
raving nuts after all.

That realization not only lessened anger's grip on me, it empowered
me with the confidence to both believe and fully expect the women
I'd meet going forward to be perfectly sane, rational and level-headed;
whereas previously I had assumed I'd only meet crazy chicks.

Little did I realize how powerful my mindset and the leadership
associated with it really were.  I immediately started meeting and
dating non-crazy women.

Soon, as if by magic, my anger and bitterness disappeared entirely.

Indeed, my expectations had influenced how I was finding and
selecting women--and weirdly, which ones felt "compatible" with
me in return.

As twisted as it sounds, even the women who negatively affect us
can sense when we're the kind of guy who'll expect their
shenanigans and therefore likely put up with them, even if
begrudgingly.

Your circumstances with women are at least equally as much due to
your own actions and decision-making as theirs.

And that's actually GOOD news.  You're NOT their victim.  You have
very real power as a masculine leader.

This means that once you grant yourself permission to let go of
anger, bitterness and frustration your actual, real-world fortunes will
change.

That brings us to the real kicker.  Did you know that the more you
let the women in your past swirl you into a vortex of anger, the
more you're granting them superpowers over your life?

Are all the women who've caused you pain are still being given
omnipotent authority to keep making you miserable for the
foreseeable future?

They are, so long as you're willing to grant that power to them.

If it's just ONE woman who has so negatively affected your outlook
and your quality of life, sit back for a minute and consider the
super-human dominance over your life that you're continuing to
freely give that ONE mere mortal of a person.

No matter how you slice it, what I'm telling you here is 100% true.

As I alluded to earlier, most of us who are angry and bitter
towards women don't exactly like it that way, and we wish things
were different.

So then, isn't it time to stop being an emotional slave to the women
in your past like that?

Did I just give you exactly what you need to redirect your anger
and frustration in a more appropriate direction?

When you start getting angry at your willingness to stay angry and
bitter on account of women who are long since out of your life,
that's precisely when you'll begin to take your power back and
start giving new, fresh and exciting women in your life the benefit
of the doubt.

That "benefit of the doubt" will soon transform into the triumphant
return of actual LIKE towards women, eventually giving way to genuine
ENJOYMENT of all that's female...even in their less-than-shining
moments.

Give it a shot, gentlemen.  Take back your power, and free yourself
to lead accordingly.  Give women you meet in the near future a fair
chance to respond to the new regime that's ruling inside your head.

Then, prepare to be shocked when sweeping, positive changes occur
much sooner than you expect.

Now listen, I fully, honestly believe that what I've just shared
with you is a powerful solution to basic, lingering anger and
bitterness toward women.

Nevertheless, here's one final point that I trust you'll take
seriously.  If you've actually allowed your anger towards women to
morph into all-out, utter hatred of them to the point where you're
even reading this and getting mad at ME for what seems like such a
glib, easy-going fix, then it's time to seek professional help with
that.

If you've read this far, it's because you genuinely want a great
woman in your life despite what you may be feeling right now.

Rest assured that misogyny will indeed get you NOWHERE
with women, as it's fundamentally destructive to the basic
attraction process.

Consider this.  If you put the shoe on the other foot, you can
easily picture a woman who's become jaded by men.  Perhaps she's
physically beautiful, but has grown so angry and bitter that she
thinks "all men are jerks", that we're all "dogs" and that we all
"only want one thing".

Well, since she looks good, there are indeed plenty of men who will
use her sexually.

But men of character who actually respect and enjoy women will
want nothing to do with her over the longer term since she hates
men.

Predictably, her world view has become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But is that really the fault of the high quality men who deserve
what they want?  Of course it isn't.  Her mindset has custom-
crafted her reality to match her expectations.

These are chilling thoughts, aren't they?  As I warned you, this
conversation hasn't been an easy one, but if it changes your life
then I'm glad to have shared this information with you.

As always, drop me a note at scot@deservewhatyouwant.com
if you think there's more going on in your own situation than one
newsletter can cover.  If it's in my realm of expertise to help get
you out of a jam, then you can bet I'm at your service.


 
 

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