[X&Y] Pleasure, Pain And Fantasies
Published: Sat, 08/12/23
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WHAT'S INSIDE: What motivates you more? Avoiding pain
or finding pleasure?
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NO MORE PAIN...ONLY FANTASIES FULFILLED
Today I'm going to talk about the bizarre connection between
pleasure, pain and our fantasies.
As sort of a sneak preview, let's just say that you'll soon realize
why the tagline "turn fantasy into reality" is the right one for my
book Stop Chasing, Start Choosing.
If you still haven't grabbed a copy, you've been missing out:
https://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/books
Right now all four of my bestselling books on Amazon are back to
their low original promo price, just like they were the day they
were launched.
Remember, you do not need an actual Kindle device to tear into
them. Amazon has a free reader for every popular platform:
https://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/books
I'd definitely also recommend Women Made Easy in particular,
especially if you've recently blown an opportunity with a great
woman without really knowing what the heck happened.
That book is nothing less than a transcript of every woman's
thoughts...
After that, What Works With Women will help you make sure
there aren't any more painful mistakes in the future.
Meanwhile, Most Valuable Player comes with a 2nd complete
volume for FREE.
Whether you grab one or all four, you'll pay less for each book
than I just paid for one hour of parking at the airport...and I can
guarantee they're worth a lot more.
Oh, and don't forget...all four books come with ten premium audio
programs for FREE. That's a $97 value in each case.
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PLEASURE, PAIN AND FANTASIES
Okay, here's a quick exercise for you that should be fun.
Close your eyes and fantasize about something or someone.
Got a mental picture rolling? Okay good...
I have no idea how you're reading this with your eyes closed, but
never mind that. By now I've made my point, which is this...
My bet is that regardless of what you just fantasized about, it
distinctly involved something pleasurable.
We really don't fantasize about avoiding pain unless we're actually
IN pain at the time.
Why is that?
I believe the answer is two-fold.
First, it's a proven psychological fact that we as humans are
unable to actually remember pain. We can't recreate that feeling
within us, which is probably a good thing.
So when pain isn't happening, it's just not on our mind. For
example, we don't fantasize about NOT getting sick or NOT
going broke.
But I think the second reason is more significant.
We fantasize about finding pleasure because we can objectively
picture the positive change in our well-being that it would bring.
Meanwhile, were we to simply avoid pain we're not actually feeling
it wouldn't actually change anything. Everything would remain status
quo.
This all applies to your financial condition, your health, and certainly
your dating life.
Of course, if you're actually going through something painful as we
speak, all bets are off.
But see, even in that case you're really still fantasizing about
finding pleasure, which is the absence of the pain you're feeling.
That sounded complicated, but it really isn't. The bottom line is
fantasies really do tend to focus on pleasure.
So with that out of the way, now we get to the part where I throw a
wrench in the works.
Get this...did you know that when it comes to real-world decision
making most people will prioritize avoiding pain ahead of finding
pleasure?
In other words, how we process the real world is very different
than how we fantasize.
You could even make the case for it being an almost diametrically
opposite pattern.
This is WEIRD, but it's true.
The most successful marketing campaigns of all time emphasize
how the company's product or service cures your ailments,
eliminates humiliation or in some other way helps you out of a
jam.
Even in the B2B sales world, it's standard to refer to whatever
system is being proposed as a "solution".
"Solution", of course, implies there's a problem by its very
definition. Zeroing in on that problem and zapping it is what
sells.
Nothing drives real-world action quite like pain does, regardless
of what potential pleasure out there we've been fantasizing about.
For most of us, pain has to exist before decisions are made.
As an example, you may imagine how cool it would be to have a
new dishwasher with all the cool new modern features.
But...you never really get around to buying one until the old one
fails spectacularly one day, leaving you in a puddle of suds...and
with a pile of dirty dishes.
Sud-denly (if you'll pardon the bad pun), you find it important to
buy that new dishwasher.
Yes, this principle holds true even in the world of dating and
relationships.
Have you ever noticed how many books and programs there are on
"getting your ex back"? Now you know why.
The proverbial house is on fire when a chick you adore breaks up
with you.
You can't think about anything else but easing the pain.
How best to do that? Well, naturally that would be to get her back.
As such, anyone who is experiencing that particular issue in the
moment will be more likely to plunk down the money to solve it than
someone who simply wants to get better with women...someday.
There's something genuinely bizarre about how most of us think,
isn't there?
What good is it doing any of us to direct the vast majority of our
energy to solving imminent problems, only to sit around "resting"
afterwards?
You suspected it was coming, and here it is:
Most guys who aren't meeting enough women and who aren't
seeing much success with those they do meet are probably in
the position they're in because their PAIN doesn't hurt enough.
Most guys who aren't meeting enough women and who aren't
seeing much success with those they do meet are probably in
the position they're in because their PAIN doesn't hurt enough.
Generally speaking, fantasies aren't enough to get us moving.
The pain of the present has to outweigh any discomfort
associated with getting up off of our butts and doing something.
The tagline I use for my book Stop Chasing, Start Choosing is "turn
fantasy into reality".
Using my own logic against me, you could make the case that it
shouldn't be.
Perhaps it would be a good idea to change it to something like,
"Never again end up with a woman you don't really want."
After all, that's more in line with the principle of pain avoidance
as a bigger motivator than finding pleasure.
The problem is, however, that if the book was only about that it
would fall far short of the mark.
I mean, think about it. Once you've successfully avoided getting
tangled up with women you never really chose, then what?
You're still left with nobody female to go out with. As I alluded
to above, you're still left with nothing tangible.
Only when you actually have the woman in your life you've been
fantasizing about is the mission fully accomplished.
When you look at it that way, it makes perfect sense to keep the
tagline as-is, even if only truly visionary men need apply.
Along those lines, I trust that you can see how shortsighted the
vast majority of the human population really is.
If, when push comes to shove, we really only turn our attention to
bailing out the lifeboats, when are we ever going to get around to
moving full steam ahead toward anything?
Yes, I fully get that your most recent decision to acquire one of
my programs (or anyone else's, for that matter) may have been
made in direct response to something painful that happened.
Maybe you felt "rejection" from a girl you really wanted.
Or maybe you realized it had been six full months (or more) since
the last time you kissed a woman.
Perhaps you got in a rough argument with someone you're
seeing, mostly because she's not the right woman to begin with.
So here's the challenge: Can you find the motivation to make your
fantasies come to life? Can you do something about achieving what
is pleasurable to you?
In other words, will something painful have to happen before you'll
take the real-world steps necessary to do something?
I can tell you this much. What I've just suggested is a major
differentiator between the movers and go-getters in this life who
find success in any area versus those who do not.
And yes...women love, love, love men who go full steam after what
they really want rather than bailing out that lifeboat all the time.
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