[X&Y] How Not To Blow It When You Make Your First Move

Published: Wed, 08/23/23



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IN THIS EDITION:  How do you summon
the courage to meet a woman or pick up
the phone and call her for the first time?

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MOST MEN WILL TRY TO FIGURE IT
ALL OUT ON THEIR OWN


I spent the first 34 years of my life trying
to unravel the mystery of women and
relationships..

After seven years with the WRONG
woman, the walls came crashing down...
along with the inevitable pain and wrath
that rained down as a result.

Feeling alone and defeated, I didn't want
to be a victim.

Something HAD to change...forevermore. 

But if I kept doing what I had always done,
I'd keep getting what I had always gotten.

I had to DO something.

I made a stand. I bit the bullet and took full
advantage of someone else's knowledge
and experience as soon as I realized it was
available to me

Years later, after dating a mind-blowing
number of fantastic women and ultimately
enjoying a happy, healthy relationship with
the woman of my dreams for over seventeen
years now...

...I can only wonder what I might have
avoided, if only I had that knowledge and
encouragement years earlier than I did.

Well, the short answer is there was nobody
teaching this stuff early on when I could really
have used it.

I only stumbled across it after years of 
frustration, culminating in such a bitter
divorce.

I often joke, "Where was I when I needed
myself?"

But these days you don't have to endure the
same pain over and over again like I did.

No more "trial and error".

No more frustration of attracting the same
WRONG women every time...if any at all.

No droughts or "losing streaks".

And for sure, no toxic marriages.

Don't kid yourself: Show me a man who is
bitter toward women and has sworn them
off, and I'll show you a man who made a
series of mission-critical mistakes with them
over and over again...

...before finally giving up.

I wish I could shout it from the mountain top
(and considering what's behind that link, I
suppose I already do):

It doesn't have to be that way.

Men who put me to work for them often
ask themselves the same question that
sounds so familiar to me:

"What took me so long to do this?"

Life is too short for regrets.

And there are FAR too many wonderful
women out there waiting for a man like you
to sweep them off their feet:



No Regrets. Only Results.



Most men go their entire lives without
asking for directions...ever.

But it's the men who actively make an
effort to achieve greatness who approach
it.

Having realized the fullness of that truth
personally, I've made it my purpose to
propel good, decent men all over the
world to greatness with women and
relationships for almost 18 years now.

In fact, I probably have an even greater
vision for what's possible for you right now
than even YOU do:



Get The Success With Women You Already Know You Deserve



25 minutes on the phone or Zoom is
free. Do what I did...get results and
NEVER look back.



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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS

 
Here's the thing, I've got this annoying little inner critic in
my head (yes I'm listening to voices but it ain't like that).

Every time I attempt to do something productive with a woman
(call her, ask her out, try to make a move, etc.) the voice starts
yapping at me, "You're gonna blow it. She's too good for you."
etc.  You know, that kind of negative thinking.  

When it goes well (which it usually does) I don't hear this voice.
 
Nevertheless, I always feel everything must be right before I try
to make that call, move, etc.
 
If you can understand my question, here it is:  Is there a way to
shut this voice up before you make that call? And if there isn't,
how can I mask it to where the woman I'm calling doesn't know
because if she likes me I feel like she'll be a little on guard too.
 
But I have to keep in mind (and it isn't easy) that even when
Ted Williams hit .406 he still failed almost 60% of the time and
that season is considered the best offensive season in baseball
history.


Randy  (Webb, AL)



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Hey Randy, thanks for writing.  

I think all of this boils down to the danger of unfairly idealizing
women.

I'm not talking in the honorable or chivalrous sense, but rather
putting them on a pedestal as if they're better and/or more evolved
than you simply because they are attractive and female.
 
But women actually feel the same way we do on many levels, and
suffer from common human imperfection.

Even the hottest of them.   

The problem is that when the "halo effect" of attraction takes hold,
you likely don't figure this out until much later, after you get to
know them some.
 
I'll never forget the time a woman I had talked to online came
to my house the first time I ever met her.

When she walked through the door it was as if I had hit the jackpot.  
 
It was all I could do to contain myself at the time, but I suppose
I must have managed the situation well.  I ended up seeing her
again...and again.  
 
But as we started to hang out together more, she turned out to
have an smokin' case of low self-esteem and began talking about
not deserving a great relationship.  

She was apologizing for everything.  She was wondering aloud if I
could possibly like her and think she was attractive, etc.  
 
When I first met this woman I would never have guessed she
would expect ANY man to reject her, regardless of who he was.  

But eventually, her feeling of personal inadequacy proved so
severe that I ended the relationship.
 
Thinking about it, it was very much a self-fulfilling prophecy
for her.
 
So yes...when you encounter a woman that the "voice" is telling
you there's no chance with, she could actually be perceiving YOU
as "too good to be true".  
 
But if you fail to deploy YOU deny her that chance, don't you?
 
Now on the other hand, I don't want to give you a pep talk only
to have you come face-to-face with harsh reality.

It's very true you must become at peace with several potential
reasons why women may not respond to you in the way you'd
like at times.

Yet, if you are a man who deserves what he wants, this is never
any reason for personal alarm.  
 
She may not be in a positive frame of mind at the moment you
communicate with her, so she gets snippy with you.  

There's never any excuse for being less than personable with
people who mean you no harm, but it happens nonetheless.

Maybe you dodged the proverbial bullet there, but either way it's
not a "you" issue.

Or, if her mindset is similar to that of the woman in the example I
gave, she may have a nagging belief that she would disappoint you
and therefore get hurt, so she just avoids going out with you at
all.  

This never fails to leave a guy thinking it's his own problem.  But
nothing could be further from the truth.
 
There are plenty of people who will disappoint you more and more
even after you get to know them, mind-blowing hotties being a
non-exception.
 
Knowing all of this, remain focused on the simple fact that women
will tend to respond powerfully to your leadership as a man.  

Were you to call her with a tentative, sheepish demeanor she'll
indeed pick up on that as you've suggested, and perhaps
respond in kind.

You can try to "mask" it, but it's ALWAYS better to do away with
it entirely.

If thinking about Ted Williams hasn't helped so far, try thinking
about the very real factors I've shared with you.  Besides, it's
too early in the relationship to have to "think about baseball",
right?
 
Ultimately, if you put aside any concern over rejection or any
other possible outcome that's not favorable to you, there's all
the more chance she WILL in fact respond favorably to you
after all.

And it will be that real confidence that gives you the edge.
 
And that's the kind of confidence those pills you see on TV can't
ever give you, right?  After all, if you don't have confidence when
your trousers are on, then you're starting from the wrong place to
begin with.   

Much better to get REAL confidence and make women truly
WANT you.


 
 

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