[X&Y] Getting Women's Hints And Being "Friends First" [Reader Question]
Published: Sun, 09/03/23
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WHAT'S INSIDE: What's it going to take
to get you to figure out she LIKES you?
That's what SHE'S asking, as it turns out...
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GETTING WOMEN'S HINTS AND BEING "FRIENDS FIRST"
Hi Scot,
Here's a situation I'd like to tell you about: there is a woman
who I met recently. We talked for a few minutes and exchanged
email addresses with each other.
It was all casual and I didn't even suggest that I'm interested
in her romantically. I'd like to get to know her start on a friendship
level and see what can happen.
So I emailed her the following day and told her that if she'd like
to meet me sometime for friendly conversation I spend a couple of
hours during the afternoon at a social club.
She emailed me back a few HOURS later and said that she'd like to
meet me there because it turns out that she goes to that same place
everyday, too (although we had never seen each other there before).
She asked me what she should do. Then she asked me for my phone
number and told me again that she goes to that place almost every
day when she's not working.
So what I'm wondering is, is this lady asking for my phone number
because she wants to know if I have a phone?
She already knows I have email because we exchanged addresses
after that first time we met only a day earlier. What do you
think could be a reason why she's asking me for my phone number?
I'm wanting to start off as a friend to this woman and see what
happens.
Thanks.
Joseph
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Hello Joseph, and thanks for writing.
First of all, I could send this email to any of millions of
desperate men everywhere who would love to have a "problem" like
yours. 99% of these men would automatically understand her
response to you as a clear sign of interest. And they'd be
correct.
The natural progression from exchanging email addresses is to take
things to the telephone. The natural progression from there is to
meet in person.
This particular woman's interest level in you is high enough that
she is sending you such blatant hints of her desire for BOTH that
only a crowbar upside one's head might be more obvious.
Note I said "might".
So let's first go over what you did that was GREAT:
1) Nutting up and ask for her contact info. You're ahead of most men
there already. Great job.
2) Emailing a woman you sense has interest in you the following
day. I believe artificial "waiting periods" represent the kind of
"game playing" people tend to dislike intensely.
3) Calling her to action. (i.e. suggesting she meet you at the
social club)
Here's where you'll do better in the future:
1) Understand that email --> phone --> meeting is the natural
progression. You skipped a step and she's bringing you back
around, understandably.
2) Any positive response from a woman is just that...it's GOOD.
She is asking for your phone number because she wants to MOVE
THINGS FORWARD, and...
3) ...women LOVE LOVE LOVE men who LEAD. She is asking you "what
she should do" because she wants YOU to be the man here and LEAD.
This is a "Chick Whispering" basic. Women want you to wear the
pants, and will hint at what they want you to ASK them rather than
asking first. See how that works? And don't you just LOVE LOVE
LOVE women who look at you adoringly when you are their superhero
who knows how to be a LEADER? Of course you do.
That all brings me to the final, and perhaps most overarching
thought. You mentioned being "friends first" with this woman.
You do realize that this is almost always a MYTH unless you are
clearly in the driver's seat of leadership, right?
By this I mean that women typically find it very, very hard to move
a man from "friend" to "lover" in their mind.
Either you are causing her erotic synapses to fire up like VG
race fuel or you are doomed to being a tea party guest.
And hey, Earl Grey smells nice but there's just something about
spent 2-stroke race gas fumes that satisfies.
I hope you haven't been brainwashed by the same cult that had me
duped me back in the day. You know the one. They preach that "all
male behavior is bad behavior" and that "showing romantic interest
in a woman is offensive to them."
Unless you yourself are unconvinced that you are ready to blow up
the chemistry lab with this chick, you need to get in front of her
and FLIRT, my man. She'll LOVE you for it.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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