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IN THIS EDITION:  Leading in a relationship is one thing.  Getting
a woman to do what she doesn't want to do--or can't do--is a whole
different story.

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WHO ELSE WANTS TO MEET WOMEN IN REAL
LIFE AGAIN?


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5 WOMEN WHO'LL NEVER, EVER CHANGE...AND YOU CAN'T
MAKE THEM


Women want us to have a plan.  They're depending on us to make
wise decisions.  And they generally respect a man who has their
best interests at heart and creates safety and security in their lives.

But sometimes you just can't "flip a switch".

No matter how skillful we are as relationship managers and no
matter how smart we are, there are times when we just flat-out
cannot will something into being so.

Indeed, women are fellow human beings, not robots.  And every
human being is born with free will. 

You can be influential in a woman's life in many ways, but in other
ways you're beating your head against the wall if you try.

A crucial skill, therefore, for any man to learn is how to know the
difference between what you CAN possibly influence (at least
theoretically) and what you CAN'T. 

Here are five situations where your leadership is guaranteed
to be 100% INEFFECTIVE in salvaging any possibility for a
fulfilling relationship, regardless of what you do:    



1)  She's Addicted


Sure, I know you want to save the world.  And I understand it's
incredibly painful to realize that a woman you really like is a
slave to something beyond her ability to control.

And it's even MORE painful to watch that addiction ruin her.

But you've got to realize that when something has a hold on a
person like that--be it drugs, alcohol, gambling or whatever--it's
likely going to take something bigger than EITHER OF YOU to
get it in check. 

Usually that's a "rock bottom" experience of some sort.  And yes,
that low point may come when you leave her.  Then again, maybe
not.

But if you take personal responsibility for her addictions, you're
fighting a low-probability battle.  And if you look the other way
hoping she somehow changes someday, that makes you "co-
dependent".

Either way, don't plan on a healthy, happy relationship.



2)  She Has Mental Health Issues


If you know my personal story, you know this one hits close to
home. 

After seven years of my doing my level best to be a great husband,
my first wife left me...for a litany of wholly irrational reasons.

Shortly thereafter, she was diagnosed with a severe mental illness.

Blaming her for what happened is essentially the same as blaming
someone for having Cerebral Palsy.  It's neither productive nor
does it make any sense.

So forgiving her was easy.

But even though forgiving HER was easy, I later figured out that
forgiving MYSELF for "failing" wasn't. 

Only after I allowed myself to believe I couldn't really have
hamfisted the situation into a different outcome was I able
to move on, and rightly so.



3)  She Has A Different Core Belief System


If you have a particularly strong world view but hers is
dramatically different than yours, you might as well come to grips
with your inherent incompatibility sooner than later.

Obviously, religious beliefs come to mind first here.  And no
doubt, incompatibilities there are deal-breakers no matter how
hot she is.

While there's a fair share of "missionary daters" out there, I've
typically found that it's guys who are atheist or agnostic who let
basic religious incompatibility slide.  But make no mistake: Where
there are differences, there will be MAJOR hassles.

Political differences, cultural differences and even opinions
regarding child rearing (or even whether or not to even have
children) all classify.

And oh...by the way, if one of you values monogamy and other
not so much?  That counts also.



4)  She's Creeped Out By You


A potential relationship can indeed survive a few botched social
details early on.

But one situation that I can assure you is truly non-recoverable is
when you've creeped a woman out.

If you invade her space, talk about weird or dark stuff, stare at
her with your mouth hanging open or anything else that is
generally weird, non-standard behavior and/or convinces her
you're not to be trusted, you're DONE.

At that point you seem more of a threat to her personal safety
than a man who can help ensure it.

Once she gets the "heebie-jeebies", it's a terminal condition as
far as your relationship with her is concerned.

Think about it:  When was the last time YOU were attracted to a
woman who creeped YOU out?  And you don't even have to worry
about your personal security on dates like a woman does, either.



5)  She's Made Mistakes In The Past You Can't Wrap
Your Head Around


When we're young, we're idealistic.  As we get older, it's a
simple fact that we rack up some mistakes here and there
over time.

But wherever we are as guys, it's almost a statistical certainty
that you're going to find out something about a woman you're
dating that you wish you HADN'T. 

Or...if you're GLAD you found it out, you at least wish it had
never happened.

In such scenarios, it's useful to have figured out ahead of time
what constitutes a "deal breaker" to you versus what you'll
have to absorb and let go.

If you find out she has slept with 30 or 40 guys instead of 3 or 4,
how will you respond?

If you find out she spent two months in jail a few years ago, what
will your reaction be?

If it's your third date and she all of the sudden announces she has
four kids, then what?

One thing I can't do for you is make your list of "deal breakers"
on your behalf.  That's a very personal thing.

But similarly, one thing YOU can't do for a woman in your life is
erase HER past mistakes.

Maybe her lifestyle and her decision making processes are way
different now than they were in the past.  Maybe she's truly
remorseful and not at all proud of what has happened. 

All of that may indeed have an impact on how you handle the
situation.  And hey, you've probably made your own fair share of
mistakes also.

But what's done is done.  That much is certain.



Now listen, I know what I've just shared is hard to read. 

I mean, we meet a beautiful woman with whom we have amazing,
earth-shattering chemistry and we really want the relationship to
work.  I get that.

But as soon as we realize it's arrogant to think we can change
the unchangeable, the better off we'll all be.

Actually, it's sort of beyond arrogance.  It's ignorance.  Simply
put, how miserable are we going to make ourselves before we finally
WAKE UP?

Gentlemen, part of effectively managing relationships is avoiding
the WRONG women to begin with. 

Being able to quickly assess whether any particular woman is
potentially able to be one half of a great relationship along with
you is a valuable skill.

And remember, you CANNOT deserve what you want without it.

Granted, you can be a great guy in every way.  But if you choose
the wrong woman you're still going to deserve what you get.
 

Be Good,

Scot McKay




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